Note: This is a guest post by one helluva guy and fellow blogging buddy, Stuart Mills. Visit Unlock the Door and his brand new site, Limitless Believing. And then come back and give him your love here!
“The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” ~ Mark Twain
Death may be seen as the ultimate end, but is it something we should fear?
Although it is perfectly acceptable to not want death to come yet, particularly if we feel we’re enjoying life too much or feel there’s still some great calling inside of us, is it still acceptable to fear death? Is it normal to fear something that may not come for many years, and which we have no control over?
I don’t believe it is. And yet many people still fear the Grim Reaper. There are many people in this world who will inoculate themselves against all kinds of diseases and avoid many forms of pleasure and risk, all because it may bring them death. They believe that if they are careful enough, and do everything “right”, they will be able to hold off death.
But what is actually happening here? Are we holding back death, or is death holding us back?
How Death Can Hold Us Back
Whilst we have life, whilst we’re capable of breathing, communicating, and existing, we have a right to enjoy it.
This is not the same as living without a care and shirking all responsibilities. Instead, I believe enjoyment of life is about sharing moments and connections with the people we love, fulfilling desires of our hearts, and learning more about ourselves and more about what sparks our inner fire. To me, this is how to live life – enjoying life by first understanding it, then taking part in the “dance”.
Now, compare my ideas with the ideas of someone who doesn’t so much live, but merely exists. They tell themselves that it’s too hot to go outside, and there may be unruly teenagers about. They tell their kids that they should follow the rules and earn enough money to “get by”. They tell others around them that they can’t do this or that because it’s not safe.
These people generally fear one thing: risk. They fear risk because something bad will happen to them if they take a risk. And they fear something bad happening to them because the “worst-case scenario” is death.
Instead of enjoying the life they already have, they spend their waking moments worrying about all that could possibly go wrong. Death is seen as something to be avoided at all costs – the idea is to live as long and as safely as possible.
Instead of thriving, these people simply survive.
I would like to live for a long time as well. But I don’t want to exist at the expense of truly living. If I find that I have reached the end of my days, then I will accept this, provided that I’ve fulfilled some form of service to the world. I have accepted that death is an eventuality, and so I don’t fear it. This is the difference between me and those people who fear death – they haven’t accepted its inevitability.
How To Kill The Fear Of Death
So how do you accept death? How can you rid yourself of this fear and live without the overhanging cloud of doom? Here’s two ways that you can slay the ghost of death:
- Accept that we all must die in the end
As already mentioned, death is an inevitability. From the multi-billionaires to the spiritual leaders, and from the great athletes to the stay-at-home computer wizards, everyone dies. Even with differing life-spans, the animals die. The fish and birds die, the reptiles and insects die, and even the rocks and mountains (eventually) die. Every living organism on this planet dies. So why not accept this?
Despite the advancements of science and medicine, finding a way to immortality isn’t going to happen in our lifetime. We all must die in the end, so why not enjoy the life that has been granted us? Why not put aside your fears about risk and living too “scarily”, and savor the moment and the beauty that you have been given?
- Realize that this moment, right now, is the only thing that exists outside of you
Right now, I’m typing this guest article. As I type, I can hear the cars outside and the birds singing, as it’s a warm spring day. I’m thinking of what to do this afternoon, and of how much work needs to be done in the day. However, not all of this is fixed in reality.
Only me, typing, is in the present moment, as it’s what I’m actually doing – this afternoon has not come yet, and the work that lies ahead will be done later. In other words, all that exists is what happens in the present moment, right now.
A lot of people fail to appreciate the ‘present moment’, despite the fact that it’s the only point of time that actually exists in reality – the past now lives in memory and recordings, and the future only exists in someone’s imagination. What we experience, at all times, is what’s happening in the present moment.
Once the future arrives, it’s no longer the future; it’s the present moment. Then, once it’s gone, it becomes the past, and unless somebody records it, it exists only in our memories and belief systems. It no longer exists “outside of us”.
Death is in the future at an uncertain time, therefore, it doesn’t exist yet. And if it doesn’t exist, then why worry about it – it’s not real yet!
The Reason For Living
Don’t be afraid of something that is inevitable. The reason why we’re put on this Earth is individual and unique to all of us, but it’s a reason worth discovering and worth living. For me, I believe I’m here on this planet to help others and work towards making humanity a better place – because I’m aware of this, I can direct my daily actions towards this goal, and enjoy life by taking relevant risks.
What’s your reason for living? If you don’t know it, and are still afraid of death, ask yourself why? Also ask yourself what you think will happen if you took a risk and enjoyed life more? Find out why you feel the way you do – you may be surprised by the answer.
Millions of people worldwide are restricted from living the life of their dreams by the limiting beliefs that control them. If you want to break those limiting beliefs and live life your way, then visit Stuart Mills at Limitless Believing, and subscribe here.
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Death (and taxes) are inevitable. Might as well live life well so that we die happy. Oh, there’ll always be regrets for those things we did not do. But that’s just being human. During the last couple of years of her life, when she was in and out of hospital, my Mom would say, almost every day, that she did not mind if she died that moment because she was happy that her loved ones were around her. When we said goodnight, she would laugh and tell me that if she did not wake up in the morning, I shouldn’t feel sad. As if. But I guess that’s a good way to feel. And my Grandma? She just lay down for a nap and died in her sleep, on her birthday at the age of 84 (I think) because she was not sure which year she was born.
We tend to believe that everything is preordained – only we don’t know it. So – whether we take a risk or not, what’s meant to happen will happen. It is like saying we shouldn’t drive because there might be an accident. Ha. I know of people standing where they are, who get hit and die on the spot.
It is best to appreciate each moment of life we’ve been gifted with, and live it in a way we will feel good about. Worrying never solved any problems. 🙂 We were all meant to be happy (right, Ken?) and we should strive to work towards it.
Thank you for a wonderful post, Stu. Great to see you here on Ken’s blog. Big hugs to you both (every time I type that it comes out as Bug Higs first!)
Vidya Sury recently posted … You Can Sell
Hey Vidya, that’s a very thoughtful and powerful comment you’ve just shared 🙂
Taxes are up there with death in terms of ‘popular dislikes’, but once you’ve experienced the latter, there’s no need to worry about the former! Seriously, death is the end of all, and perhaps once we realise that our days are coming to an end, we learn to accept it with grace.
This is different to those who died in accidents or ‘before their time’ – those cases are very sad indeed. But the end result is always the same, so maybe it’s best to accept it as ‘the worst that could happen’.
Thank you for the comment Vidya 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
From you, Vidya, I’d take Big Hugs OR Bug Higs! 🙂
You make some great points here, Vidya! There are a certain amount of regrets and disappointments that are simply part oft he human condition. That’s so true! I think the key to minimizing the effects of that reality is to accept the idea that there’s not enough time, energy or money to do everything we want to do over the course of a lifetime, and to be satisfied with the tradeoffs we make. Knowing I never went to Taiwan to teach English with a couple friends is okay what I consider that the choice I made to get married instead was the better choice.
I LOVE your Mom’s attitude! If we are in the habit of appreciating each day, like you said, we will not very often regret what we don’t have or didn’t do because we have no time to feel disappointed when we’re enjoying right now so darn much!
Oh, and yes, Vidya! We were indeed meant to be happy! 🙂
Stuart,
I’ve always been fascinated with what happens to the soul at the moment of death. And I’ve never felt that the ultimate goal is to live a long life. It is to make what time you have on this earth a life filled with rapture, love, and kindness.
I do believe that when you finish what work you were meant to do in this lifetime, it is your time to die. When I wake up in the morning I say ‘thank you God for letting me experience another day.’
I think so many of us are more afraid of living than dying. As my friend once said, don’t walk through life as a ‘vertical coffin.’.
Great post Stu….death needs to be discussed much more in our Western culture.
Ken, thanks for hosting! Fran
fran sorin recently posted … How 18 Top Bloggers Turn An Ordinary Day Into An Extraordinary One
Indeed Fran, it’s quality over quantity right? I believe, like you, that it’s better to live 50 years filled with goodness, love, and service, than 100 years filled with doubt, fear, and anguish.
I like your friend’s quote too – I only want a coffin when there’s nothing left for me to do 😉
Thanks for stopping by Fran!
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Hi Fran!
Your way of looking at our time here on earth is so empowering and leads to such an important shift in focus from so many people. Rather than worry about how long, worry about how well we live. What a great principle to live life by!!!!
Thanking God for another day of life sure makes us see that day in a different light, doesn’t it! What a wonderful habit to be in!
You’re friend is very eloquent. I wish I would have thought of that line: “A vertical coffin”! That’s a perfect way to represent those who live life in fear of making mistakes, in fear of looking foolish, in fear of getting hurt, in fear of failing, and so on and so on.
Thanks Fran! It’s always my pleasure to host the likes of Stu!
Thank you for the opportunity to return to Meant To Be Happy Ken, I’m thrilled that you’d welcome me back 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
It’s my honor to have you grace the pages of Meant to be Happy, my friend! Thanks for sharing such awesome and thought-provoking content with my equally awesome readers.
I think for me, the hardest thing about dying is how my death would affect my wife and kids. That’s one of the motivations I have for making it to the gym and eating healthy. Minimally, I want to be alive long enough to be there for them through their formative years.
That’s a fair point to make Ken, and a very noble reason.
In the end though, it’s all up to ourselves as individuals to form ourselves. Once we become capable of independence, we become responsible for independence 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Absolutely agree, but as a dad who knows how big a role I’ve played in my daughters life growing up and the role I do and will play as my son grows, while we’re each responsible, fatherless sons just don;t do as well as those who have active and caring dads in their lives. All the studies and statistics paint a gloomy picture (while, of course, there are many, many huge exceptions to the stats, obviously). Still, while I’m not consumed with that fear (actually, never really think about it beyond the general sense of needing to take care of myself to increase the likelihood that I’ll be around for many years to come.
Still, you make an important point when you say that when we become capable of independence, we become responsible for it. Well said!
You’re absolutely right Ken, a father figure who is well developed themselves, will ensure that their child gets a great start in life 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Hi Stu,
A wonderful post on such an important topic. And thanks to Ken for having Stu guest posting at Meant to be Happy.
As you quite rightly said Stu, death is inevitable. So why fear something which is already going to happen? We are dying a little every moment in terms of the aging of the human body.
In the meantime, I truely hope we can each develop the capacity to live and enjoy the present moment, because that is all we have. The rest is unnecessary mental chatter. Who knows, we may even discover a part that never dies! 🙂
Hiten recently posted … My message to the global education system
Thanks for the comment Hiten!
Yes, a lot of what goes on in our head is ‘mental chatter’, which doesn’t serve to help us grow. Knowing ourselves, and what our natural strengths and weaknesses are, means we can turn any mental chatter into something that is empowering to us.
This then becomes a love for life, which transcends a fear of death 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Hi Hiten!
Life is a terminal disease, for sure.
I think the fear of death is mitigated tremendously when their is a faith in the continuation of life after this period of mortality. For those who believe death is the absence and cessation of life, death would be a much scarier prospect than it is for someone like me who sees death almost the same as moving from Dublin to San Fransisco, nothing much more than a change of address.
Thanks for that insight, Hiten! Very well said.
Hi Stuart,
Death can scare us into submission, especially as we grow older. Most teens feel they are invincible, but as life goes on we begin to see people in our life pass on for one reason or another.
But as you point out death is a natural part of life, and how can we be fully living if we shortcut ourselves because of our fear of death. When we appreciate everyday and give our all, we will have no regrets in the end. Death comes when it is our time, so why not enjoy the moments we have. Thanks for sharing a thought provoking post!
Cathy | Treatment Talk recently posted … Connecting to Your Heart Through Nature
That’s very true Cathy – I certainly don’t see death in the same light as someone in their fifties, and my view of death will change over time. I’m only 25, so there’s plenty of time to think about these things over and over!
Thanks for commenting 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Hi Cathy,
I agree with you. Death does increasingly become more of a realty as we age than it seemed when we were younger. I think one of the secrets is not only living life to its fullest (true as that certainly is), but also living life as lovingly and compassionately and courageously and kindly and morally as possible. That way, at the end, there will be a peace in death so often associated with those who have lived life well, having spent time developing their character.
Hi Stuart,
Death is inevitable however I don’t look forward to it…..there is much Life to live…and it keeps getting better.
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted … Living Life Today – Excuse me, there’s a fly in my soup
That’s a wonderful attitude to have David, thanks for sharing it with us!
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
I agree with you and Stu, David. To be so scared of death that life is played so safe so as to live it hiding in the shadows is self-defeating. But to look forward to death is to misunderstand the beauty and possibilities of this life. I think you have a very healthy attitude toward its inevitability.
Yes, death is inevitable. We have no control over it and never know when it will come. For these reasons I try to put as much as I can in each day. I’m finally shifting away from simply checking off everything on my to-do list to really living every day. My three small children certainly help me to stay in the present moment and simply enjoy life. They like to remind me that I don’t play enough. 🙂
Part of me feels like I’ve got so much to do and contribute before I go that I have to hurry up and get it all done (living in the future). And there’s the other part of me that says to slow down and enjoy every moment because feeling good is what really matters (living in the present). Once that’s taken care of, all the other goodness and contribution will flow.
Thanks so much for an awesome post Stuart!
Paige | simple mindfulness recently posted … The 7 Links & 7 Random Facts Challenge
I hear you on both counts Paige – learning to play more in life, and finding a balance between doing meaningful work and enjoying the moment.
I’ve struggled to find this myself, especially when I feel myself getting carried away by some purposeful work, then realising that I’ve become ‘too’ engrossed by it, and I haven’t taken the time to savour the sunlight outside. I guess it’s about doing what means the most to you, whether that be work, or quiet solitude.
Thanks for a thought-provoking comment Paige!
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
I’m with you and Stu both! I’ve also been so caught up in completing some project or launching Meant to be Happy or in taking it to the next level, that I’ve neglected other parts of life until I was abruptly reminded of my priorities. It’s a tough call to balance things that way. But sometimes I think a little imbalance is fine. To spend a ton of time launching a business or training for a marathon will take more work than to sustain the business of your health over time.
But there certainly has to be time set aside to play and have fun. Kids are such mirrors at those times. They can call a spade just that right when we need to hear it.
PS: your kids sound adorable, Paige! I have a 5-year-old (my other one’s married). How old are yours?
My kids are 2, 5 and 8. We homeschool so they’re always home (or wherever) with us! They’re awesome!! And you’re right, Ken – they tell it like it is. 🙂
Paige | simple mindfulness recently posted … If It’s Broken, Fix It – Right Now
Those are some fun ages! We have a 15 year gap between our two, so never really had the ages ranges together (though we were pretty good about inviting all the neighborhood into our home so my daughter would never have the lonely only-child syndrome). I was giving my son a ride on my shoulders the other day when he suddenly shouts, “Dad! I can see your bald spot from up here!” Yes, they tell it exactly as they see it … for good or for worse! 🙂
Stu, We have talked about the Tao Te Ching. There is a wonderful passage in there about death and living.
He who knows how to live can walk abroad
Without fear of rhinoceros or tiger.
He will not be wounded in battle.
For in him rhinoceroses can find no place to thrust their horn,
Tigers no place to use their claws,
And weapons no place to pierce.
Why is this so?
Because he has no place for death to enter.
I don’t think this means that we won’t die. It means that we won’t die in advance, so to speak. I think sometimes that we are most alive when we are most aware of death. Great post!
Galen Pearl recently posted … Code to Joy
The Tao Te Ching never fails to move me with it’s wisdom Galen, thank you for including that quote here!
And yes, knowing that death will come WHEN it comes is perhaps the best way to live. By not anticipating death, but living life whilst we still have it 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
I think that is such a profound comment you made, Galen: “It means that we won’t die in advance…” Wow! There are so many ways we die in advance. We die by never trying. We die by quitting for fear of failing. We die by hiding and never straying from the well-trodden path. We die in advance by a lack of courage and never finding a life purpose and never coming to terms with your past and never recognizing or living your true potential.
Thanks for sharing this insight with us, Galen!
Hi Stu,
Thanks for a great post – this is exactly what I needed to hear. I often feel like I live way too carefully. I was brought up to play it safe, to make sure I always have enough to get by. Being bold was never a huge theme in my life.
But I’m ready to make it one! I’m tired of being so careful and afraid…It’s time to live a little more fearlessly. I think pondering the inevitability of death will help me take those steps. It’s the worst that can happen, and will happen one day anyway, soo…Why not take the plunge?!
Thanks again. 🙂 Peace!
K
It sounds like my words have had a transformational effect on you Kaylee – this pleases me, as there’s nothing I like more than to help people realise that there’s more to life than they previously thought of 🙂
Thanks for commenting!
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
It’s amazing what can happen to a life that leaves the shadows of fear and steps out into the sun to start living with passion and courage and boldness.
Welcome to life, Kaylee! I hope you stop by frequently to update us here or email as you explore the world of possibility and opportunity!
Nice article, it really made me thinking. For us, adults, there isn’t any time for fear of dying; we have to work, pay the bills and educate our children. But my 5years old son has started to fear about death. Your advices help me to talk with him about this.
Julie recently posted … straightening teeth
Hi Julie, I’m surprised that your son has begun to talk of death – I don’t recall ever talking about death until I was in my teens!
But perhaps this is a sign of flourishing maturity? Talk to him and allow him to express his thoughts about death, and what he feels. Give him the opportunity to know that we all think of death from time to time.
Thank you for sharing Julie 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Hi Julie, my son did the same thing when he was just 4 years old! What I did was just to ensure him that we were going to be around for a long, long time. I treated it fairly matter of factly, not making a big deal of it. After a few days of reassurance, the talk and thoughts faded. There is so much on TV these days that introduce our children at such a young age to mature subject matter.
So glad Stu’s post helped you talk to him. Children that young can make some pretty disconcerting connections between ideas. Educating our children is such a wonderful challenge and one of our most important responsibilities and privileges.
Saying that ‘death and taxes are inevitable’ is a limiting belief. I don’t believe in death, I believe life is eternal and what we call ‘death’ is really just a temporary break, and our lives are not limited to our physical bodies. And taxes are not inevitable, you can learn the tax code and find different and new ways get tax credits. Death and taxes are not inevitable, and it don’t have to let it imprison us.
Rad recently posted … Imaginary Friends and Social Anxiety
I hear what you’re saying Rad, but just because something is inevitable, doesn’t mean that it’s inherently ‘bad’.
If you really wanted to evade taxes, then I’m sure you can, but who is it really helping? Sure, you save money, but are you helping the world? Helping others? Helping yourself?
And with death, I’m sure our souls live on ‘beyond death’, but our bodies die. Who we are, right now as individuals, ceases to exist. We become anew, but different from what we once were. The ‘old’ us has died.
Imprisonment of the self is a choice, and we can choose to be caged, or to be free.
Thank you for commenting Rad 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Hi Rad, thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts here. I agree that death is no more than an address change, but that doesn’t change the definition of the word. We will still pass from this life to the next through the door of death. It is, in fact, inevitable. But your larger point about life continuing is well made.
As for being imprisoned by those thoughts, Stu’s post is exactly the opposite of that, making the case for ending the tyranny of the fear of death in our lives.
As for taxes, while they can be reduced with shelters and reductions and the like, few but the very poor get away with paying none. And that’s not a life style I’m willing to entertain! 🙂
Thanks again, Rad. I love challenges and thought-provoking comments like yours!
I think a lot of things depend on how we define death. To most people, death merely means the physical death of the body. But to some, there is also an emotional death, even a spiritual death. And what kind of death are we to fear most then? Certainly the one that keeps us from being truly and fully alive!
Hi Joyce,
As I said to Rad, physical deaths are different from spiritual deaths – our bodies die, but our souls live on. I don’t know much about spiritual death, so I won’t hazard a guess as to what happens, but death in the physical form is what happens frequently all around the world.
Thanks for commenting 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Great question, Joyce!
I think the death that is most to be feared is the death of never really coming alive, never stepping into life, forever living afraid to risk or try or change or grow. That’s a living death I would fear.
Stuart,
I will definitely check out your site. This is my favorite quote about death:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand – strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOOHOO – What a Ride!”
— Attributed to an octogenarian named Mavis Leyrer
I am all for living fully and embracing death as part of life.
With aloha,
Susan
Now that’s an exit worth recording, Susan! 🙂
While my life is lived in certain ways planning to stave off death a long, long time (working out, eating healthy and all), I think it’s unhealthy to spend life running from it in fear. So yes, embrace it as part of life and live it with gusto!
I love Stu’s thinking and writing, so yes, please go check out his new site. I believe you’ll be inspired and challenged by what he does there.
That exit would be something worth remembering Susan! I just hope there are strawberries waiting for me for when I depart from this world 😉
Thanks for commenting!
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
I don’t think I have been afraid of death since I was a kid and I had to recite “Now I lay me down to sleep” the line “if I should die before I wake” scared me because I was afraid to die, but then while I was thinking about death, I realized that God had my back. It was as Paul in one of his epistles said “To live is Christ and to die is gain.” After that I wasn’t afraid any more. What I was afraid of though after that was the pain that occurs when one dies. But then I had my kids, all of them naturally and without medication. I figure if I can survive that, I can handle the pain associated with death. Like Stuart said “physical deaths are different from spiritual deaths – our bodies die, but our souls live on.” Where your soul lives on depends on what we do with God’s son. If we don’t know, that is what we really have to fear.
Thanks for the comment, Donna. That is a scary line to think about a very young child reciting: “if I should die before I wake”! I think about all the children everywhere kneeling by their little bedsides thinking, “Wow, I may die in my sleep tonight” Lol!
There’s nothing like experience to take the sting out of fear, right? My wife is the same in that she used to think she wasn’t capable of enduring much pain. Then she had our daughter and knows better. 🙂
There is something deeply comforting in knowing our souls outlast our mortal bodies. Believing we go on, that death is only a word that describes a changed set of circumstances, removes the fear of the absolute emptiness, the utter extinction that death otherwise would be.
Thanks for sharing Donna!
It sounds like you have developed a healthy attitude to living Donna, and I applaud you for that!
And yes, our souls will live on after we die – they may last for many lifetimes, but they be timeless themselves. It’s hard to say when we’re caught in one, physical lifetime. But my instinct tells me that what I do in this lifetime affects my soul, so I had better do what’s right for me, and for the world.
Thanks for commenting Donna 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
This is one problem our family is scared of for my brother. He is VERY MUCH scared of dying. There’s just times that he’ll speak out to us and ask, “What if I die? I’m scared.” , “It’s 2012, what will happen to us now?”. This just all started when he got a serious accident during his very young age(9 years old). Thank every time he don’t feel safe. But thanks to you for this information. It’ll help a lot.
Karyn18 recently posted … Things to Consider If You Decide to Go Through Plastic Surgery
Hi Karyn,
So glad Stuart’s article hit home and will help your family help your brother. How old is he now? If he’s still 9, it may simply be something that will fade and disappear with time and lots of reassurance. With the accident still so fresh in his mind, he has that traumatic experience as the largest and most prominent backdrop to everything else in his young life right now. As he experiences more life and has mostly safety and life around him, his fear can fade into the distant background.
But if he’s much older now and he’s stuck in that moment when he was 9, he may need some professional help to get past it. Otherwise, this thing may plague him and influence how he lives and raises his kids and the fear he implants in their minds.
But again, it all depends on his age right now. If he’s still young, I recommend that the whole family keeps reassuring him calmly and matter-of-factly, without making a big deal about it, but without belittling him or his fear. When everyone jumps in the car and arrives safely somewhere, someone can whisper in his ear, “See? We’re all safe.” from time to time to help build a new frame of reference. But if he’s much older now, check into some counseling. It can do wonders.
Hi Karyn,
I’m sorry to hear that about your brother, but I echo what Ken said in that an experience like that will eventually lose it’s power over him. Sure, he may carry the memory of the experience for the rest of his life, but the effect it has over him will disappear.
Help him to focus on what he enjoys doing, and take his mind off death. This will assist in the fading of the fear 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
great post Stu
i have never had that fear unless i started getting white hair
at this point i started to think about that more often
your post was a great help
thank you : )
Haha! Yep, those grey hairs change perspective, don’t they! Signs of the time! 🙂
No worries Farouk, and I’m sure those hairs are a sign of wisdom 😉
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
Yes, it’s all about acceptance. When you think of something a lot, you become less and less scared of it. Everything has an endpoint; even life.
Barbara Branch recently posted … EcoTools & Earth Month – The Living Beautifully Community
Hi Barbara,
That is so interesting. I expected you to say that when you think of something a lot, it becomes more prominent in your mind, increasing the fear. So it felt a little like intellectual whiplash there! But when I think about it, to erase a fear, it would be helpful to think it THROUGH completely. Follow your thoughts, explore the fear itself, shine a light on it brightly. So many fears exist only because we keep them in the dark, vague and shadowed. But to bring them out into the bright light of noonday is to show them for what they are, in most cases, needless concern for unlikely events leading to uncommon scenarios.
Once exposed, then I think it’s good to walk away from it and fill the mind with better thoughts of higher things.
Thanks for that insight, Barbara!
I agree with you to a point Barbara, but we must also observe our thoughts about that which scares us. Think of it in a positive light, using my article and others that deal with the fear of death. How we view death will affect how we view life.
Thanks for commenting!
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
I totally agree with you. However, the thing is, I never used to even think about death or consider if I was afraid of it or not until I had kids.
I was telling someone recently that I’ve limited myself so much because I’ve become so careful since I had kids. I’m careful because I know how much they depend on me to raise them the right way. I had a horrible childhood and I want the opposite for my kids. I don’t want them to have to grow up without a mother like I did, so I take care.
The result of this is that I’ve lost some of my zest. I’ve got to work to get that back.
Thanks for an encouraging post.
Anne recently posted … Emotions That Heal And Emotions That Don’t
What a great point, Anne. I personally believe it’s an act of loving responsibility to take safeguards when we have kids. We become responsible for a little life that needs us around, after all. To take unnecessary risks that put their parental dependence on the line so we can have the thrill of hiking Mt. Everest or tightrope walking over the Grand Canyon is, in my view, selfish. My personal exploration and expansion of my comfort zone and pushing at the outer edge of the possible becomes a notch lower in importance when I have my little ones to take care of. Besides, all the high adventure challenges can still be explored once they are on their own, less dependent on mom and dad.
So while I don’t fear dying, really at all, I still take precautions to increase the likelihood that my kids will continue to have a dad, particularly in their youth. Those precautions are reasonable though, it seems to me, anyway.
If we become preoccupied with the fear of dying or if our kids see us utterly limiting ourselves for fear of them losing us, we will pass on that legacy to them itself. So there is a somewhat fuzzy line drawn that I think needs to be explored for each of us. We want our kids growing up excited about life, willing to challenge themselves a bit, courageous, not hiding in the shadows of their own lives. And that is likely best done by example. And yet we don’t want to put the happiness of their childhoods at reckless abandon either.
So where should that line be drawn? I guess that’s a question we must all answer for ourselves. There’s not likely a one-answer-fits-all response to this one.
Awesome comment, Anne. You got me thinking (and writing! ;))!
Hi Anne,
It’s true that having children changes our lives considerably – I’ve yet to experience the joy of children, but I’m sure my world will change for the better once that time comes.
Take time for yourself when you can Anne, and do that which is most important in your life. Happiness can be found from many places!
Thanks for commenting 🙂
Stuart – Limitless Believing recently posted … What Holds Us Back From Taking Responsibility
i love life but thinking about death absouluty terrifies me, i also have a fear of lifts and sometimes i think if i had to choose about dying and being trapped in a lift i would choose to be trapped in the lift.
Hi Jennifer!
I think one of the reasons I don’t have such a fear of dying is my belief in an afterlife. I think that if I believed I suddenly became extinct as a person at death, I would fear it much more.
Also, I don;t really think about it much. I live my life as well as I know how and let life do whatever it will.
Hope your fear isn’t debilitating, though. Where do you think it comes from?
I so agree that the fear of death often follows from the fear of life. Like when people feel life is passing them by – feeling they don’t have a choice, often in their private life – and waiting for things to change. That creates so much regret at the end. Even though I have a medical condition that puts me at high risk for an ugly form of cancer (MM), I wake up happy every morning. And no, I don’t want to die for at least another 30 years and I do whatever I can for that, which is to take care of my health, nutrition, sleep, fun, and exercise and no, I would not take unnecessary risks. No bungee jumping for me.
This is all a load of bull. I do as much as I can and I appreciate little moments and all, and still I fear death like it’s the most wretched thing in the universe. And it is. Death is just simply wrong. An ugly joke the cosmos plays on unlucky forms of life that happen to have a consciousness. We should devote ourselves to immortality and kill death for ever. Become part of artificial intelligence, upload our minds to machines. Every second I am reminded of the ephemeral nature of the illusion of life, it it truly unbearable. If I could possess a quantum interface bomb I would send all that exists into never-never land. Death is the end of you, there is no soul, there is no god, consciousness is just an illusion. This is pretty much it.
Hi Damian. While I did not write the post you commented on here, it is on my site, so I feel a responsibility to reply to you. It’s interesting how you start out saying the article is a bunch of bull, then proceed in the rest of your comment to prove his point. Your fear of death has robbed you of life, of the kind of joy and happiness that life is supposed to be.
I’m not quite sure what you mean by a quantum interface bomb that would send everyone into never never land, but it sounds a bit psychotic. Why would you want to kill everyone because of YOUR fear of death? We’re all in the same boat. It’s called life. Some fear the end of it and some don’t. Some believe the boat will dock at an eternal shore and some don’t. Why hurt people for a belief that in no way affects you?
Your story (what you’ve shared of it, anyway) makes me sad. Why are you so convinced there is no God? That life is so meaningless? That oblivion is the irreconcilable result?
Still, God or no, there are ways to live on in significant ways even if the human soul doesn’t. I would recommend this post to think about: http://meanttobehappy.com/quote-12-from-the-great-emancipator-forever-happy/
Immortality by 2045 kills the fear of death argument.
http://2045.com/
Believe what you like!