Us personal-growth blogger-types like to motivate readers to stretch and become more than they have settled for, to live epic lives of human possibility. And that’s fine.
But in our enthusiasm, we may risk making some of our readers feel guilty about living an already richly enjoyable life of deep meaning and purpose just because they aren’t roughing it in the Amazon or eating croissants in Paris on weekends, blogging their way to a seven-digit income or zip lining over a Peruvian rain forest, fighting poverty in Somalia or climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro barefoot.
In all our efforts to move forward, to discover our purpose, to rise to the top, experience the passion of life, to overcome and break through and accomplish and achieve and develop and become, there may be an understandable misperception that we therefore shouldn’t feel satisfied with a life of everyday ordinariness.
It may seem that somehow, if you wake up every morning and smile, knowing the day will be enjoyable, not exciting necessarily, not epiphany-filled and illuminating in some profound breakthrough sort of way, but simply enjoyable, rewarding, even soothing, that life is then being squandered, that we are living less than our potential.
Well, I have a few questions:
- What if you like your life … as is … without bungee cord jumps, live coal walking, and rock star lives of incredibleness?
- What if you even prefer waking up to the heart-warming mundane sameness of kids slamming bathroom doors and wrestling in hallways everyday before school?
- What if you believe you are doing something profoundly important by taking them to school, visiting friends and neighbors, cleaning your home, and loving your spouse?
- What if soccer practice and dance class and piano lessons and church activities are the things that fill your heart with warmth and joy and satisfaction?
I have an answer:
Then you are living profoundly. You are living a deeply meaningful life. Period.
Joy in life is developed in part by continued growth. But that growth can look very different from one person to the next.
To one person, personal growth might be simply learning the art of couponing to save money for the family.
To another it might mean taking a family walk around the block each evening to get some exercise while spending quality time together.
To some, personal growth might mean working on a vital relationship by folding laundry together as you talk about the day and the kids and work and home and friends and each other
This, even if to some, personal growth involves skiing the Alps or scuba diving the Great Barrier Reef or taking that barefoot climb up Mt. Kilimanjaro.
In the end, you are the one, the only one, who will ever live your life. So live it slow and quiet in a richly rewarding peace and ignore the calls to get up and do more and run faster and build higher and grow greater, if that’s the life you enjoy. Don’t apologize for it … ever!
Still …
I’ll still encourage readers to rise to the occasion and live with more passion and love life and living and experience it with enthusiasm, doing more, laughing more, loving more, serving more, carving out a life of amazingness with deeper purpose and meaning and joy and happiness.
But if you love your life already, well then, congratulations on an on-going project done pretty darn well so far!
The point to life is, after all, to put one foot in front of the other in our own personal development journey.
If that comes in the form of swimming in a cage surrounded by hungry Great Whites, so be it. Stay the course as you live a marvelous adventure of challenge and growth on your personal journey through life.
But if, instead, it comes in the form of learning more patience with your little one as you teach him to throw a ball in the backyard, well then, stay that course as well and keep learning and growing!
That, after all, is the bottom line of life
So live it well no matter how that growth is experienced.
And accept no calls to feel ashamed for that life well lived.
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One of a kind post. No one has taken this angle before Ken, and I think you make such a great point.
Countless blogs have stories of inspiration, but I feel like they are all at the climax of a bloggers site. It can create that sense of inferiority. This is obviously not a bloggers intent, but it is a natural human reaction.
But I think the overall lesson, the one you write so eloquently about is that happiness is not found in the world outside us, but more a decision to be the person inside us.
Wonderful post Ken. Great choice in topic.
Thanks so much, Chris! I always enjoy reading your comments — especially when they’re so complementary! 🙂
Yeah, I just think it’s okay to live a simple life loving your spouse, raising your kids. working 9-5 and spending weekends at parks and games and lakes and cookouts with family and friends. To some people, that is the definition of heaven. And why shouldn’t it be if that’s what makes you tick?
Like I said int he post, people will still find me motivating and encouraging more in life. But you might call this post my caveat. It is my disclaimer that if you like the way things are and don’t want to go cure the world of its problems and you’re content to live your life decently, doing what’s right, loving your kids, teaching them how to grow to be decent people, being kind to those you brush shoulders with, then that’s a noble life worthy of being lived too.
Thanks again for your kind words, Chris.
This is a truly wonderful post. Being happy starts with where you are now. Living your purpose means letting it flow through today exactly where you are in your life, exactly where you are meant to be. Thank you for the great reminder to love and enjoy life today, and not in the imaginary future.
Wendy Irene recently posted … The Best Parenting Advice is Not to Give Any
Thanks so much, Wendy!
Nicely said: “letting it flow through today exactly where you are in your life, exactly where you are meant to be.”
The world is filled with different personalities who crave different things. Some want to pick up the world and shake it a bit in hopes of making things better (I fall into that category!). But others are quieter. They don’t want or need the megaphone. They are content loving their kids and their neighbors and living a simple life. And that’s just fine too.
To each his own, even if that means little in the way of epic living!
Hi Ken, thanks for the great reminder to appreciate & enjoy where we are. I like how you reminded us both to be satisfied with where we are, and to not compare to others, especially the lofty views from the top bloggers & personal growth gurus.
Brad recently posted … Occupy your heart; a call to peace and oneness
Hi there Brad! So glad to meet you and welcome to M2bH!
You nailed the great challenge in life square on the head! For the average person (child abusers and the like excluded!), the key to a happy life is appreciating and enjoying where we are. I like the way you said that!
I was just talking to someone last Friday who was so caught up in achieving a particular goal that her failure to be there now made her feel like a failure in general. I appreciated that she shared that with me because it gave me the chance to remind her that we can aim at lofty goals and work tirelessly to achieve them and still like where we are right now in the meantime. I think that’s what you’re saying, right?
Thanks again for your comment — truly appreciated!
And hope to see you stop by again soon! 🙂
This is the post I really needed to hear! While this is a blog that helps us better our lives, it doesn’t necessarily mean that each post is supposed to guilt-trip us into thinking we’re not good enough. We are already living enriched lives, but while doing so, we seek for growth and encouragement in which this blog provides for us! And this post is a great reminder of that. Thanks! 🙂
I agree with you, we all come from different walks of life, so our experiences and perspectives vary from one person to another. (I love the comparison of folding laundry vs. mountain climbing!) As I grow deeper into adulthood, I begin to see family members more as human beings, rather than only my “parents, grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, etc.” It is interesting to see how we are all human–we all have different experiences, or even the same experiences, but experienced differently. Sometimes I even wonder how well my family members even know me, or how well do I even know them? I have this innate closeness to so many of them, but the degree of how well I know them and how well they know me is kind of on the surface. I’m not saying this is necessarily a bad thing; in fact, it’s beautiful how just being family brings this instant love and bond with a person you probably would not have taken the time for. And at the same time, it’s the perfect opportunity to really get to know someone deeply and discover what the simple joys are in their lives.
I feel like I’m just rambling now, but that’s a compliment because that means you wrote a good post that got someone thinking! Thanks! 🙂
Thank you so much, BWJ! I’m so glad the article was helpful.
That is such an interesting observation about seeing family more and more as human beings with all their strengths and weaknesses rather than merely as parents and uncles and so on. But it’s true. We are all human beings walking this life at different speeds with different interests and talents and sets of circumstances. Great point!
But I have to admit that I’ve never thought about your other observation, that really, truly, many family members we love and who love us may not know us all that well. I think that for many families, there is a lot of talk behind the scenes and parents talk to their brothers and sister and other family members about their kids. So perhaps they know us more than we may think, but your larger point is still rings true.
And as for rambling, BJW, feel free to stop by and “ramble” any old time! 🙂 It’s always a joy to hear from you!
Hi Ken,
Great post as always. I had these same thoughts as well. After reading, listening to and doing the work for personal growth I began to wonder when do I stop and smell the roses.
Life is a journey full of experiences and i certainly do not want to stop and get too comfy on my journey. But I do appreciate where I am in life and all that I have been blessed with.
Justin | Mazzastick recently posted … Freaky Haunts of Monkton Maryland Part 2
Thanks Justin!
That’s awesome that you’ve discovered that sometimes elusive balance between stretching and growing (not getting too comfy) and learning to stop and smell the roses, appreciating where you’re at in the moment.
That can be a difficult balance to find. Some drive and drive and drive and maybe even accomplish great things but never truly enjoy what they have. Others are so busy enjoying the roses, they never get out of the garden of life to do much of anything with their dormant potentials, never accomplishing much of anything.
So congratulations on a balanced life, my friend!
You know Ken, I needed to read this at the end of the day … I’m so thankful!!
Oh, I’ve had my share of angst and not feeling good enough or measuring up. I’ve been caught up in the blogger frenzy and felt I’ve failed because I didn’t have 100 comments and heck, I’ve been doing this for over a year now (so I should be up there right? ;)). This is funny actually, but when you’re too busy comparing yourself to the rock stars and online millionaires, it just naturally has a tendency to make you feel inferior. 😉 It’s nice to read about appreciating the here and now and the space you occupy and effect.
Once I let go of that “blogger envy” and focused on just bringing the best I could to my audience; however large or small and focused on the mission of my business, that angst disappeared. I started seeing everything in a new light and what happened is I just had a profound sense of awe at the gifts of everyone and their own journey. Each person offers something so unique and so special and just to witness their greatness is a gift and should simply inspire us to be the best at what we do. It took me awhile to accept, but in my own little way and my own corner of the world I offer something too, in the very least, to my child and that is absolutely enough for me.
Thank you kind sir for a wonderful, honest, and liberating post! You have a gift (many in fact) and it’s a joy coming to your place to see you in action!
Much kindness,
Elena
Elena Patrice recently posted … Horror Stories | What? I’m Renting?
That’s truly beautiful, Elena!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I have to admit to having my eye on the blogging prize a little bit myself, but more for inspiration and to learn from those who are doing it better than I am right now than out of a place of envy or jealousy.
Of course, I’ve not been blogging for very long, so who knows how I’ll feel later on if things are not growing as I hope they will. But I have to admit to having experienced some of the frustration of seeing what some bloggers can do and thinking, “Well, why the heck aren’t they reading my posts and instantly falling in love with what I’m writing?! I mean my mom loves it, after all! 🙂
I like what you said here, Elena: “I started seeing everything in a new light and what happened is I just had a profound sense of awe at the gifts of everyone and their own journey.” Very well put! I also like what you said about influencing our own corner of the world. That’s all anyone can do, after all. It’s just that some people’s corners are bigger than ours. But in the end, I guess all that matters is that we are leaving our part of it better than the way it was left to us.
And Elena, you are definitely making your corner a better place to live in. And I thank you for that!
Love it Ken! And I totally agree with you. Despite my mad “40 Things for 40 List”, I’m actually a pretty simple girl, and wrote a blog the other week about how being around Personal Development for 10 years actually held me back from feeling fulfilled in some ways as I felt inferior for not being interested in making millions or having the perfect bod! I felt that what I wanted wasn’t enough (and I’m a teacher & coach…ironic really!)
Personally, I’m happiest when I’m in my casual clothes, walking in nature, hanging out with friends, cooking a good meal, reading a book or going to the movies. Simple, life affirming, daily things. The excitement of my list is great, and underneath it all, I’ll still love those walks, and cherish my time with family and friends over a Sunday roast or a bit of cake and coffee.
Day to day life is what matters. For example, raising kids is, in my opinion, one of the greatest things you can ever do in a lifetime, and so many people feel that it’s nothing or boring when actually it’s a remarkable thing to do. The miracle is always in the moment, after all!
Really enjoying your blogs Ken! Thank you :O)
I loved reading you comment, Debra!
I can relate. I am at my very core a family man. Sure, I want to change the world :), but my favorite day has family at its center. Would it be fun to go zip lining over a Brazilian rain forest? Of course!
But if I had to choose between a life of high adventure and one of quiet family time, there wouldn’t be a moment’s hesitation in my answer. I’m a pretty uncomplicated guy. I’m very easily entertained. I just don’t get bored. Life is too interesting. People are too interesting. I have too many things to do to ever get bored. So I just don’t have this compelling need to experience life in that particular way. Would I accept an invitation if offered (and paid for!) to go sky diving or canoeing up the Amazon? Of course! But am I driven to such things? Nope.
Give me a couple hours on my blog, a pizza and my family all around me and I’m as good as living in paradise!
Self improvement doesn’t need to be experienced dangling at the end of a bungee cord. So keep wearing those casual clothes and walking in nature. I’m with you on this one, Debra!
so true Ken
it should always measured on a person by person basis, if someone is happy (really i mean and not just lying to himself) then he is living his life the right way 🙂
Thanks for the comment, Farouk!
And thanks again for your guest post last week. It’s still getting a lot of views. Job well done, my friend! Some of my high school students (I’m a teacher) have told me they’ve read it and appreciated the easy steps.
I like the way you made that distinction: “not just lying to himself.” I think it’s very fair to point that out. I’m glad you said that. There certainly are people who claim to prefer a quiet life out of laziness, preferring living in life’s ruts over challenging themselves to grow. Others avoid such challenges out of fear, fear of change, fear of a particular challenge, fear of failure, and so on. But for those who truly prefer reading a good book while their kids play at their feet (me!) to some crazy adventure on the other side of the world, you’re right, he is living the right way, consistent with his values and priorities and preferences.
Thanks for adding that, Farouk!
thanks for the post. i’m learning to live life as i want to and not as how others want me to! 🙂
noch recently posted … jet-setting in stiletto heels
Hello Noch and welcome to M2bH! So nice to meet you.
I think that’s wonderful you are learning that lesson of living your life as you. I wish I could get some of my high school students to choose their own majors and life trajectories instead of following the path mom and dad laid out for them as future surgeons and engineers to make the family proud. I see so often the inner turmoil in their eyes or as they tell me about the thing they wish they were doing. It breaks my heart to hear how so many kids are planning out a life that is not wholly their own.
As long as what we want to do with our lives is consistent with our deepest values and universal principles of decency, the particulars should be reflections of what makes us tick inside. That is the key to finding professional fulfillment.
I wish you the best as you continue down that path yourself, Noch!
Thank you so much for coming by and sharing your thoughts.
This is really great Ken. Job well done my friend. If you are having fun and enjoying every day, you are where you are suppose to be.
I have found that the blogging itself helps me to grow and learn. As I teach others, they teach me with there comments.
We do have to love where we are in life. For myself I know that i could spend more hours on the computer working on my site, but than I would probably burn myself out and lose what I am trying to accomplish.
What i see in this world anymore is too many people just work, work, work and don’t enjoy the simple things about life. We always have to keep that balance if we really want to be the best we can be.
I am for simple and my feeling will not be hurt when I don’t win that Nobel prize. I am just loving life as it goes and if I can help someone on the way, this is good. But if I wear myself out I am no good to anyone.
Thanks again for a great post, we all needed to hear what we have said.
Blessing to you,
Debbie
Debbie recently posted … 8 Ways to Survive Change in Relationships
You’re awesome, Debbie! Thanks so much for your kind words and great comment!
That is so true! I have learned and grown so much even in the handful of months I’ve been doing this blogging gig!
I am curious, while we’re on the topic though, how did you get into blogging?
I’m with you on the simple life, too — at least in the sense that my favorite time is family time, just hanging out at home. My favorite pastime is wrestling around with my little boy or talking with my daughter (so insightful and deep herself) or cuddling up on the couch and a good movie with my wife.
Thanks for adding to the discussion, Debbie!
Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it!
I think the main reason as to why I feel like I don’t know some of my family very personally, is because there’s a language barrier. Sorry, I failed to mention that in my last response 🙂 One side of my family speaks another language that I never learned, so it’s hard for me to communicate with many of them. I don’t hold a drop of resentment towards my parents for not teaching me, since in my particular circumstance, it was actually better that I didn’t learn it. But that’s another story! 🙂
But the more I think about it, the way we communicate with each other is through service. Every week I see my grandparents, and my grandma always makes lunch for me and I give private piano lessons to my grandpa. My aunts and uncles have done numerous acts of service for me and my family over the years. I try to reciprocate by visiting them, baking cookies, doing nice things for their kids, etc. The more I think about it, those are the simple things in life that bring great joy. Sometimes we don’t even need words to communicate, just acts of kindness can mean so much more. Like they say, actions speak louder than words! I think my relationship with them is very special. Yeah, it would be neat if we could have deep conversations about life, but I wouldn’t trade what we have now for the world. Thank you for your post in helping me realize this! 🙂
Hi Ken,
You ask how I got into blogging. will here is a short story on how that happened. http://www.happymakernow.com/2011/10/how-to-embrace-rejection-6-tips-to-help-you-heal/
Thank you for asking.
Debbie
Thanks for the link and thanks for the mention, Debbie! I didn’t expect that, but am glad I played a small role in such a wonderful post!
Take care, my friend!
Haha! I see! Actually I’m in the same boat as you. I have a mixed marriage. My wife is Chinese and my kids have had the same communication issues. And yet the love, as you’ve said, is still there. Communication is so limited, especially with my in-laws, and yet we love each other.
You have some wonderful insight into communication, BWJ! I like this: “Sometimes we don’t even need words to communicate, just acts of kindness can mean so much more.” Very beautifully said. I wonder if your inability to communicate is what fostered your innovation on the form, using acts of kindness to express your love and appreciation.
There is little that better or more clearly communicates love than doing service for someone. Words can fall to the floor when actions don;t back up what’s being said. But how we treat others speaks so much louder, as you said.
Thank you for sharing your insights with us here, BWJ!
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