Note: This is a guest post written by Hiten Vyas. Please show him some love!
When we want to try something new in our lives, we usually start thinking of all the bad things that can happen.
Then we avoid trying what it is we wanted to do, something that could change the way we live our lives forever.
Our minds too-often go to the worst case scenario. And as worst case scenarios, prospects and possibilities become dim and dire. And so we stay planted in the changeless life we’ve always lived.
But we can train our minds to always switch our perspectives at such times, to keep ourselves motivated, and feeling positive and resourceful so we can have new experiences, which will help us grow as individuals.
Before you continue reading beyond this point, though, think for a moment of an activity or task you want to accomplish that you know deep down will be good for you, but you find yourself thinking of all the things that will go wrong instead.
Now make mental note of it, and read on to discover 5 ways of blasting through your inner critic to doing what you’ve always stopped yourself from doing before.
5 Ways to End the Tyranny of Worst Case Scenario Thinking
1. Realize that it might not even happen
Whenever we want to try out something new, we can get anxious about the possibility of failing. “I might mess it up!” or “People will think I’m stupid” you might be thinking.
The truth is whatever you believe, it might not happen. And if it might not happen, then what’s the point of worrying about it? If there’s no point worrying, then what have you got to lose by trying?
2. What real evidence do you have it will happen?
Ok, so you believe it won’t work out.
But what real evidence do you have that it won’t? If this is the first time you are giving your activity a go, then you don’t have anything to compare to anyway. If you don’t have any concrete proof then you’re scaring yourself by thinking it won’t work out. And a thought that you will fail just isn’t good enough! You need real, hard evidence, that you can touch and feel, or it’s just so much unfounded fear and nothing more.
3. Even if it does happen, what is the worst thing that can happen?
Even if you did screw up, what’s the worst that can happen? In fact what’s the best thing that can happen, if the worst was to happen?
For one thing, you would have learnt so much from the experience for having gone through it. Even if you don’t succeed, you can notice how it felt, what you said, how people reacted, what worked and what didn’t. The next time something similar happens, you will be able to do better because you know where you need to improve.
4. How else can you see the situation?
Believe me, by allowing yourself to always think of the worst that can happen, you’re denying yourself the ability to think and imagine happy and wholesome scenarios instead. Nobody is forcing you to think this way. But thinking that way stops you from thinking any other more solution-oriented way.
It’s useful to remember it’s just the way the mind works. It happens to you sometimes. It happens to me sometimes. It happens to all of us sometimes.
So just allow yourself for a moment to think of what can go right, just give it a go. Take a moment now and do this. Imagine your situation turning out just like you want it to. See what you would be seeing. Hear what you would be hearing. Feel what you would be feeling and say the exact words you would be saying to yourself in the best case scenario.
And then act to create that scenario instead.
5. What other things have you missed out on?
Now we as humans have to filter information. We are bombarded with so much of it that if we didn’t, it would drive us crazy. So this is usually a good thing.
However, by thinking about the worst case scenario, you have filtered too much information and narrowed your focus, so that you’re only seeing the worst. Use the questions below to expand your perspective:
- What have you forgotten about yourself in all this? For instance, if you’re scared about public speaking, then how about the time you spoke up during that best man speech you gave at a wedding, or that presentation you gave at work in front of 20 people?
- What other resources do you have access to that can help you deal with this? Perhaps you have a good job, or you’re good at relationship building. You have a host of other characteristics and qualities unique to you. These are all resources. Which of these could you use to help you deal with the problem?
To summarize then, if you want to do something new, but find yourself always thinking of the worst thing that can happen, it’s important to not get depressed about it.
It’s useful to understand worst case scenarios are usually ‘mind-made’ and not ‘man-made’.
You can usually touch, see and hear man-made stuff, and have evidence of doing so.
Mind-made stuff exists in the world of fantasy and illusion. The good thing is that you can use your powers of imagination to serve you, rather than creating mental obstacles to the things you want to do.
Go ahead, give it a try!
Sharing is Caring
- Please share your thoughts in the comments.
- How have you overcome worst case scenario thinking?
- How has always predicting the negative gotten in the way what you want from life?
- Don’t forget to Tweet and Share this article if you found value in it.
Hiten Vyas is a personal development coach from the UK. He is passionate about helping people increase their confidence and reduce their anxiety. You can find out more about him at his website, Hiten Vyas: Empowering You To Be Your Best
Photo courtesy of Pixabay
Hi Hiten! Good to see you here, which is one of my favorite haunts (that Ken rocks, no?).
It is funny how, as children, we believe we can accomplish anything even in the face of real roadblocks, while as we grow up, and understand, and have the ability to realistically plan things for success, we develop doubts. Anxiety of non-performance. Fear of failure. And we end up building it all up so much that in our minds, it becomes a real tangible thing. Mind-made – yes. Luckily, most times we listen to encouragement and allow the good words to dissolve the doubts. But often, with the things we desperately want, rather than go and put our full energy into the positive aspect of achievement, we end up allowing it to hold us back with invisible chains far stronger than any real or tangible obstacle.
Ultimately, the mind is so powerful. No matter who influences us, it is in OUR hands to do or not to do.
A-mazing post, as usual from you, Hiten. Thank you, Ken. This Hiten rocks, no?
(Somehow I seem “into” long sentences today :D)
Hi Vidya,
Thank you for your brilliant comment, my friend! 🙂
Yes, I agree that Ken certainly does rock! He is an amazing person. 🙂
So are you too Vidya. 🙂
It really is amazing how our minds develop from when we are children to adults. It is strange how our bodies mature and grow and become old. However, the same can’t always be said about our confidence in our abilities. As you quite rightly said, doubts seem to just increase with age.
We can improve though. The first sign is to become conscious that the mind can work against us. By doing this, we can then become mindful, observe it trying to hold us back and then ignore it when it does so. Over time it loses its power over us and we learn to use it to assist us, rather than hinder us. And used properly our minds can help us to achieve all our dreams.
Confidence too can be learnt. I spent many years believing I couldn’t be confident. I learnt how to be confident by practicing and developing behaviours which increased my self-esteem.
Thank you so much for your kinds words. I’m so glad you liked this post.
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Hi Vidya! Yes, Hiten certainly does rock. As far as your long sentences go, I can sometimes put a pretty long sentence together myself that seems to just wonder all over the place, going from one thing to the next thing without ever seeming to come up for air to take a single breath as I string one thought to the next thought in a seemingly never-ending stream of thought that follows one line of reasoning to another line of reasoning before finally coming to a tortured end. 🙂
Thanks for the awesome comment, Vidya!
Hi Hiten…
I always enjoy hearing what you have to say. There are lot of good point that you’re making. When I get scared and direct myself to think of the worst case scenario, 99% of the time it eases me up. We let our fear become a lion and push us into the cage.
Being ruthless with yourself when the negative thoughts start streaming in can be helpful. When I say ‘ruthless’ I mean asking yourself if your thoughts have any reality to them….and continue to do that when the fear and negative thoughts zoom into your consciousness.They are not the giants we make them out to be. Thanks for a great post Hiten. Fran
Fran Sorin recently posted … Thought For Today – Ralph Waldo Emerson on Solitude
Hi Fran,
I’m really glad you liked the post!
You used an excellent analogy about how we let our fear become a lion and then we become caged in. It is just like this.
I believe a great gift we can give ourselves is learning to question and not believe everything we think. A mentor of mine once told me something very similar to what you said in your comment. He said our thoughts have no more reality and no more meaning than what we give them. I remind myself of this, whenever I feel a little unresourceful.
And as you quite righty said, there is no way better way to overcome our fears, than to continue doing what it is we fear!
.
When a negative thought arises, let us push it into the distance and bring thoughts of our success and happiness to the fore instead!
Thank you so much for commenting Fran. I really appreciate your support! 🙂
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Great comment, Fran. I like to think of putting my thoughts on trial. Beat the doubt down under the heat of intensive questioning. Make them squirm and demonstrate the weakness of the case they bring against us. Put them under oath and require specific proof-driven testimony. Most of our self doubts under that kind of scrutiny will whither under the heat.
By the way, I agree with you: I love what Hiten writes too!
Hi Hiten,
Fun to see you here! It is tempting to let our minds wander to the worse case scenario when we feel scared or when we want to try something new. It is hard to put yourself out there for all to judge. I like all your ideas on how to work through this. Number 3 – thinking about the worse thing that could happen – that is what I usually fall back to and then work forward from there. When we are trying something new, we are always taking a risk, but this is part of the process to move forward in our lives. Thanks for sharing your inspiring post!!
Cathy | Treatment Talk recently posted … How Did It Get So Bad?
Hi Cathy,
It’s great to be here and it’s brilliant to see you here too!
You’ve hit the nail on the head Cathy! Indeed, it is the fear of being judged by others that holds us back so much at times!
One way I’ve used to deal with this, is by considering the following: if we believe others will judge us, without really knowing what they are thinking, who in fact is doing the judging? Us of course!
I love the ‘what is the worst that can happen?’.
We worry so much about all the things that might go wrong, but how often do things really turn out as bad as we imagined? Events that happen are rarely as bad as we thought they would be.
Thanks for your great contributions to this post Cathy! I really appreciate your comment.
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Hi Cathy! I ask myself the same question. It’s interesting how our imaginations are usually a lot worse than reality. It’s like we’re little kids all over again, afraid of the dark. Our minds put monsters under the bed and boogie men int he closets, when in reality, it’s all just the same junk as in the light. Sometimes flipping on the light of our minds by asking ourselves what’s the worst that can reasonably happen is all it takes to chase our fears back into the closets.
Hiten, Your post reminded me of the acronym of fear….false evidence appearing real. Once we realise that our imagined beliefs are always far worse than the reality then balance that up with some great big clear whys for doing stuff then we can shift past that stuck stage. Of course, having great support around you also helps significantly as we begin to build an independent voice and follow our intuition instead of the pack mentality.
I try and always focus on the best possible stuff that could happen as a result of breaking through my fears and the fact that if I try I ‘m giving other people permission to be themselves and do stuff they really want to without fear of judgement. I hold the best possible vision of myself in order to push through this fear of rejection/judgement.
Thanks for reminding us all about how to get this in perspective.
Hi Kath,
I love the approach you use of always focusing on the best possible outcomes. I think this mindset is truly inspiring!
You sound quite similar to me, when you say you are also giving others permission to be themselves and develop without fear of being judged, when you are working on overcoming your own fears.
I think this could be a unique aspect of people who get involved in personal development. We realise the difficulties we are having in our lives and decide to do something about it. When another person comes along and wants to do the same, we can relate to them and what they want to do, because we did the same. We admire their courage.
And as you quite rightly said, fear is just false evidence that appears real! 🙂
Thank you so much for commenting Kath. It’s really nice to meet you.
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Hi Kath! I’d forgotten about that acronym. Thanks for the reminder. It’s a good way to look at fear, at least the unfounded kinds. Sometimes the evidence is very real even if we don;t pay much attention to it at the time. 🙂
I like what you say about support. When we have great support systems who act as our cheerleaders rather than our critiques, so much more can be accomplished. Thanks for making that important point.
It’s interesting how some people are motivated to avoid the loss of something and others are motivated by the desire to have something. Sounds like you’re more motivated by opportunity. I am too.
Hiten – like your emphasis here on “training” the mind because it’s a good reminder that this work is a process rather than an event. I work at a leadership institute where we’re exploring how findings from neuroscience can be applied to leadership. It now appears that we really can rewire our brains in important and positive ways by building new habits. But that work has to happen gradually over time so the change sticks. Breaking behavior change down step by step like you do in this post is the best way to go about it. Thanks for showing us the way.
Stephen Martin recently posted … 4 Rewards For Forgetting About Email
Hi Stephen,
It’s great to hear about your place of work, and how you are using neuroscience and applying it to leadership. This sure does sound very interesting.
Your comment reminded me, of how indeed our brains doe have plasticity. We become ‘wired’ in certain ways, and one day we are an adult and we become fixed, mainly by labels other people give us.
For instance:
“He’s shy”.
“She’s just not good at dealing with difficult situations”.
Before we know it, we have a certain personality and people believe this to be rigid.
But then people change. They learn new habits and behaviours. Suddenly ‘personality’ isn’t so rigid anymore!
It still never ceases to amaze me when I suggest to some people that ‘personality’ can be changed, should we wish to.
Thank you very much for your thought provoking comment Stephen! It’s fantastic to connect with you.
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Great point here, Hiten. It drives me crazy when I hear parents labeling their kids as slow or clumsy or shy. It truly does have a self-fulfilling prophetic effect on us. Thanks for adding that important insight to the great conversation you started here, my friend!
Hi Ken,
You make such an important point here. I can really understand how frustrating it must be for you, when you hear parents labelling their kids with such names.
I don’t have kids yet, but when I do, I’m going to be so mindful of this, and ensure I don’t make the same mistakes that so many adults do with their kids.
As you so rightly said, it turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hiten — you’re right; our actual capacity to change far exceeds our limited beliefs about how much we can change. Delighted to find out about your blog. Really good stuff there. Looking forward to staying connected.
Stephen Martin recently posted … 20 Years and a Couple Beers: Why the Long View Matters
What a fascinating field of work you’re a part of, Stephen. Cutting edge stuff, it sounds like. What you’re saying about change needing to occur slowly interests me. I read somewhere recently that the 21 days needed to establish a habit is inaccurate, that it’s more like 60 days to establish the habit neurologically. Would love to hear your take on that.
Thanks for sharing your insight. I love reading about research-backed personal development breakthroughs.
Hey Ken — there’s a constant stream of neuro research coming out, so not sure I’m completely up to date. But I like Tony Schwartz’s work on this. His book The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working suggests it can take anywhere from 3 weeks to 3 months to really embed a new habit. He recommends only trying to change one habit at a time because our brains simply aren’t wired to do more than that. But over the course of a year, we still have time to make several lasting changes. Am also reading David Rock’s Your Brain at Work, which is equally fascinating. Will let you know what I learn there.
Stephen Martin recently posted … 20 Years and a Couple Beers: Why the Long View Matters
Hey Stephen! I just got the book in the mail today. I want to thank you once more for sending it. Can’t wait to dive in!
Sounds like the 3 weeks to 3 months range makes it a person-to-person issue. Or is it more that some KINDS of habits take longer to embed. Thanks for sharing that piece of your knowledge here. I have Your Brain at Work on my to-buy list, but haven’t picked it up yet. Let me know what you think of it, so I know whether to move it up on my reading list. So many books to read and so finite an amount of time in which to read them all!
Thanks again, Stephen. I appreciate your commitment to learning and growth. And to kindness too!
[…] and refuse to get too caught up in the number game. Be it age, height or weight….I refuse to think about them or let them get me down. I live my life to the fullest with lots of love. The only […]
Hi Ken,
I just wanted to say a big thank you for publishing my guest post on your brilliant blog Meant to be Happy! 🙂
I’m delighted that the readers here seem to have received the post well, and it has been a real pleasure responding to all the great comments. They have as you requested, shown me much love! 🙂
Wishing you the very best my friend. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Careful, Hiten, flattery will get you everywhere here! 🙂
Thank you for your awesome article and even awesomer (I know, but it SHOULD be a word :)) replies to my amazing readers! They’ve left some great insight and wisdom here and you added to it with your insightful responses.
I’ve enjoyed following the conversation.
Brilliant! This was exactly what I needed. I’ve been wanting to advertise my blog on my Facebook page, but have been so afraid of how others might react. I didn’t want to be made fun of, and like you said, my mind kept going to the worst case scenario. I had decided, though, that this would be the week I change that. Tomorrow, I’m going to add my blog to my work info.
This post totally solidified my resolve. I’m now focused on the possibilities…and trying not to think about what might go wrong. Thanks a ton!
Peace,
K
Hi Kaylee,
I’m so happy this post got to you at the right time!
How did you get along with advertising your blog?
I’ve been through a similar thing when I started to offer my coaching services. I thought people would criticise me and I didn’t want that. Anyhow, I took the plunge and just did it.
The truth is, there are some things we want to do and we just have to go for it. We can’t waste time worrying about what others might think or say.
Life is too short! 🙂
It’s lovely to meet you Kaylee.
Thank you so much for your energetic and action oriented comment.
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Hi Hiten,
I posted my blog as my work info as planned, and offered up my most recent blog post. So far, so good! I’ve had more views today than I have in weeks, and no negative comments. Guess that wasn’t so bad after all! 😉
You’re right, life’s too short to worry about the reactions of others. You can’t please everyone.
Thanks again for an awesome post, and for sharing your own experiences. I’m glad you took the plunge so we could read your writing. 🙂
Wonderful meeting you, Hiten. Peace!
Hi Kaylee,
I’m so proud of you!! And you are so inspirational!
What you did was a perfect example of how you acknowledged feeling uncomfortable, yet broke past this, and did what you wanted to do.
Congratulations with getting the increased viewers! 🙂
As you say, we can’t please everyone. This was a biggie for me. I was a serial pleaser! I wanted to please each and every person I ever met. It was mainly due to very low self-esteem and wanting to be accepted.
However, as I got into personal development, I learnt that by trying to please others, I just wasn’t living. I wasn’t living my life. I was living to please others.
I was very glad when I stopped doing this.
Wishing you the very best Kaylee!
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Hi Kaylee!
I love what you said here: “I’m now focused on the possibilities” and that Hiten’s post “solidified” your “resolve.” What great words that reflect a heart that’s now determined to do what is needed to see your work gets out in front of other eyes. That’s what it takes, that steely determination to see yourself through the doubts and fears to take action one day at a time, continually stepping closer to the goals you have for the work you do. Thank you for sharing that with all of us. We are inspired by your resolve.
Basic really Hiten, however so often overlooked!…..thankyou for the illumination and great reminder.
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted … Role Reversal…..Your opportunity to Rock!
Hi David,
It’s lovely to see you my friend, as always! 🙂
Yes, absolutely, these are basic truths but so often forgotten.
It never ceases to amaze me, how we humans seem to be programmed to make things difficult for ourselves.
I believe the most powerful life lessons are simple. They just have to be! The saints and sages from thousands of years ago have passed down lessons. These are usually simple in principle, although not always easy to achieve! It is up to each of as individuals to do the work, to experience the fruits of our practice. However, the theory remains simple! 🙂
Thank you very much for commenting.
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
It’s the 80/20 rule, right? The basic 20% of things we can do accomplish 80% of the growth we experience. In other words, the things that will do the most to advance us down the road toward our goals are those basic things that everyone knows and few people do.
Always good to get your input, David. Thanks for supporting Hiten.
Great to see you here HIten!
Opening ourselves to the worst case scenario and objectively examining our fears usually breaks them up and allows us to see that there was never anything there in the first place. As you said, it’s all in our mind.
As my mind starts to dream up “what if’s” I like to answer them with “so what?” So what if people laugh at me or don’t accept me. They’re not the kind of people I would want to be around. So what if I fail. I’ll find some valuable lessons in the process. So what if I lose all my money and have to live with my family or friends. Been there, done that. Basically, if the answer to “so what” isn’t my death, it’s not that bad and it’s definitely something I can deal with.
As I reflect on all my life experiences, I know that I can deal with anything that life deals me. It may be very difficult but, I believe that everything happens for a reason and it’s never more than I can handle. It may be the Universe’s way of pushing me out of my comfort zone – something we could all use a bit more of.
Thanks for the great post!
Paige Burkes | simple mindfulness recently posted … Slow Down Enough to Find Your Freedom
Hi Paige,
Ah, what a wonderful way to answer the “what if’s”! The way you respond with “so what?” is absolutely fantastic.
I loved this and as I processed it for myself, I can see how powerful this switch in internal self-talk can be. Thank you for sharing.
I’m totally the same as you in believing everything happens for a reason. And the more I think about this as I’m writing this comment; I agree with you that whatever does happen, we have the strength to deal with it.
I love learning more about your own story Paige. It is truly inspirational.
Thank you for your brilliant additions to the post.
Let us all keep pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones and when doubt creeps, let us powerfully assert “so what?” 🙂
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Awesome, Paige! We certainly are birds of a feather. I have a tongue-in-cheek post coming up soon(ish?) that deals precisely with that response (so what?) to our fears and doubts and confidence issues.
Love your comment, Paige. Great insight there!
Wonderful advice, Hiten! It’s nice to meet you on Ken’s blog. Thanks for sharing!
Marianne recently posted … In the End, Only Love Matters
Hi Marianne! 🙂
Hi Marianne,
I’m so glad you found the post useful! 🙂
And indeed, this is the amazing thing about writing guest posts. We get to connect and make new friends!
And Ken certainly has created a wonderful platform, for us to meet and learn from each other.
It is very nice to connect with you Marianne. Thanks for leaving your comment. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Hiten, these are wonderful questions to ask ourselves when we’re not moving forward. I use many of these with my clients to help bust through their excuses. In most cases, the truth is that, even if the worst case scenario happens, it can be dealt with in a tolerable way. Sure, we may have to get uncomfortable, but that’s part of growing and progressing. You have to step outside of your comfort zone, move past your fears, take a risk.
Nea | Self Improvement Saga recently posted … Inspirational Thoughts: Slow Down, Enjoy Life
Hi Nea,
Indeed, when we feel stuck and don’t know how to respond, just asking ourselves the right questions, in order to consider different perspectives on the problem, can be enough to help get us unstuck.
Absolutely, you explained a very important point here. Most of the time, the worst case scenario won’t happen. And even it does happen we can still deal with it.
I believe a lot people have trouble trusting themselves to provide the solutions to their own problems.
I’m practicing trusting myself more, recently with public speaking. I did it just this evening in fact. I was chairing an impromptu session where other speakers had to talk about a particular topic I had chosen for 3 minutes. When I’ve done this previously, at times I’ve had doubts about whether I would have something to say in between the impromptu speeches given by the other speakers, when I’m in the chair. Well this evening, I decided to completely trust by brain to come up with words to say, and it worked out great.
Thank you so much for commenting Nea. Your views are greatly appreciated. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
I like that, Nea. What you say is so true. I think it’s also something to do with maturing. It’s almost as though some people want great things to happen to them without having to take risks to create the conditions wherein great things CAN happen. Ultimately, like you say, we just have to bear with the discomfort and reach out and jump!
If there was a gold medal for spinning out worst case scenarios, I would have a case of them. Finally, I learned to stop, but it wasn’t easy. I love this quote, sometimes attributed to Mark Twain and sometimes to Montaigne. “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.” Here’s another one, a good Southern one. “Don’t trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.” Great post.
Galen Pearl recently posted … The Unkindest Cut
Hi Galen,
I’m really glad you liked the post!
Thank you so much for sharing the inspiring quotes! They are very powerful, indeed. And true as well. I loved the Southern one in particular.
Our troubles really are not troubles. It’s the meaning that we give to the experiences we have, which causes trouble. I believe we can all benefit from developing some self-awareness so that we can truly get a more objective view of what we experience at any one time, and develop choice to not go to the worst case scenario, rather than just blindly taking this route out of sheer habit.
Thanks for commenting my friend. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Haha! I think we would all win a few gold medals in some sort of self-defeating event at the Shoot-Yourself-in-the-foot Olympics!
I LOVE that quote, Galen! “My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.” The mantra of the pessimist!
You always leave such wonderful comments here and this one is no different! I love learning more and more about you and your past. Finding out about your previous life of self-sabotaging ways only makes me admire you more for the person you strike me as being today. Thank you for that inspiring example you set for us all!
When I get an idea and it feels right , I just go with it and am so trusting – I dive in….like my blog – it was going to be my work that I really, truly wanted to do – the writing I wanted all my life to produce…..now today I am so happy I have learned a great deal and I know so much of what to do next, but after 4 years of working so hard, I was hoping for a bit more success in reader numbers or listening clients….
I could use a few rewards for my efforts….and energies….I think even the small rewards help to keep one motivated….
The folks that I review books for tell me repeatedly how fabulous my reviews are…but they never think to follow up and move me to the paid level…I have to go find a bigger blog myself to work as a staff writer….I care that the reviews are excellent, but only a few others do and when I request…it seems to tickle the funny bones…
I do not think I am fearful…I think I am tired
I have learned a great deal…and I am a skilled listener but…
Good words and fine writing. thank you
Hi Patricia,
Thank you so much your comment! I’m really glad you liked the post.
I love the way you are able to trust yourself to take action when you have an idea.
Indeed as someone in the coaching area myself, I can appreciate that getting clients can be difficult.
I think what can be useful is to continue to remind yourself of where you were initially, and then consider what you have you achieved. By the sounds of it, you have done some brilliant work with your blog.
And remember, you may have been doing certain things and have been getting certain results. Perhaps you want other results. Here, you have the opportunity to try something else.
There are endless ways we can approach whatever problem we are trying to solve. If one way isn’t working for me, then I won’t hesitate to drop it and try another way.
I have a question for you.
Have you asked your reviewers what stops them from moving you to the paid level?
Also, you said “I am a skilled listener but…”
I would like to invite you to consider completing the following instead: “I am a skilled listener AND…”
What else are you, in addition to a skilled listener?
Wishing you the very best Patricia. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … 7 Links Challenge and 7 Random Facts
Hi Patricia. I can hear your frustration.
Personally, I didn’t know people ever got paid for book reviews on their blogs, but I guess it’s still all new to me. But assuming that is a regular thing for some people, I would approach it this way. I would ask myself why some would get paid. The answer would seem to me to be that others have a readership size that makes a review there a sound investment. If that was the case and if my blog wasn’t there yet, I would focus on improvements there. I would read blogs and books about increasing blog traffic and internet/blog marketing. I would systematically create a plan of attack to build that readership. Then, as my blog became THE place they NEED to have their books reviewed, I could start charging.
Anyway, just a few thoughts. I liked what Hiten said too. Between the two of us, I truly hope you are able to find your passion for what you do and find a way to get compensated for it as well.
We’re rooting for you, Patricia!
Very enjoyable read, Hiten!
“Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.” ~Glenn Turner
I can’t figure out exactly what it is about we human beings but …
We’re always gathering bundles of sticks to build bridges we never cross!
I think one of the biggest mistakes we can make in life is staying constantly fearful of making mistakes.
And around and around we go … 😉
Melanie Kissell recently posted … Put the Right Lure In Front of the Right Fish
Hi Mel,
Thank you so much for following me over to Ken’s blog! 🙂
It’s great to see you here.
Thanks for sharing the quote by Glenn Turner! It is certainly this way. It’s amazing how much time we can also spend worrying! I’m sure if we counted up all the minutes we spent worrying about things not really worth worrying about, throughout our life, it would add up to a heck of a lot! 🙂
You said the following:
“We’re always gathering bundles of sticks to build bridges we never cross!”
I loved this Mel! Instead, we might as well focus on gathering the sticks needed to help us to build bridges that we want to cross!
Indeed, I also loved how you said the biggest mistake we can make is to be scared of making mistakes!
Thank you very much for commenting, and for adding so much more to this post!
Hiten recently posted … Guest posting at Meant to be Happy
Great tips Hiten! It’s amazing how fear enters our lives as we get older. I think I like your number 1 tip the best. It reminds us that the worst usually does not happen. Sometimes we know that on the surface but somewhere deep inside we just can’t believe it.
Thanks for a great post!
Betsy at Zen Mama recently posted … Albert Einstein: Not Just A Scientist!
Hi Betsy,
Yes, the worst will rarely happen! This is pretty much almost guaranteed, most times.
As you say, there is that part deep inside us that resists and doesn’t believe.
A useful tip can be to do the following:
1. Go ‘inside’ ourselves, and find that part that doesn’t want to believe.
2. Acknowledge that part, welcome it, and appreciate it wants to protect us.
3. Use this protection as a resource to do what we want to do.
Thanks for leaving your comment Betsy. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … Guest posting at Meant to be Happy
That’s what my shrink says to my little worries – will it even happen?
More often than not, they will not
Noch Noch
Noch Noch | be me. be natural. recently posted … making life BEAR able: rejuvenated creativity from depression
Hi Noch Noch,
Thanks for sharing what your doctor says! It is so true.
It’s really good to meet you. 🙂
Thanks for leaving your comment.
Hiten recently posted … Guest posting at Meant to be Happy
Insightful post Hiten and am glad to visit your blog Ken!
I so agree with you about most of us not really doing the things we know we can and want to do, but our inner voice of negativity keeps stopping us from making that move.We do tend to think more on the negative affect it would have on us, rather than the positive ones.
I loved your 5 points, which are indeed so true! The first one is the best, as it’s that first push we need to give ourselves by breaking the first barrier of not over-imagining things that may not even happen.
My mom used to always explain this in another way that you should worry about things that have a solution. If the problem has no solution, it is not worth worrying about. I carry that lesson well with me and try and pass it onto my kids now. 🙂
Even #3 is good and something I can well relate to. I guess when we don’t try anything, we really lose out trying it, so why not gian the experience trying out something new, as you would have learnt something new by not losing anything in return.
I guess what really matters in the end is that you overcome your fears and learn to reach out and do things that you have always wanted to do. Life is indeed too short to sit by and think for the perfect or right moment to get started- isn’t it?
Thanks so much for sharing one of your wonderful posts once again Hiten. 🙂
Harleena Singh recently posted … Steps to Resolve Family Conflict
Hi Harleena,
Yes, it’s almost like we consider what the negative effect will be by default! 🙂 Still, at least we can appreciate this is what the nature of our minds is like. By at least understanding this is what we tend do, we can then work on training ourselves to do something else, which is better for us.
I’m so happy you could resonate with these 5 points Harleena!
The first one indeed, is a very useful principle and yet so easily forgotten. That’s another thing. Sometimes I think it’s really strange how we humans seem to forget the simple principles that help us navigate through life, and believe we need to remember complex things, which we probably will use once, and never again!
I loved what your mum used to tell you! What a wonderful way of looking at it, by worrying about only those things, which have a solution! I’m going to remember this one and one day use with my own kids! 🙂 It’s one of those great principles that can help youngsters when they are stuck with an aspect of life.
Regarding point number 3, I’m of the same opinion as you. It’s doesn’t matter what the outcome of whatever we are trying to do. It’s just the doing that counts. This is the biggest teacher itself.
And absolutely Harleena, when it comes down to it, life just is too short to wait around for the perfect moment. There usually isn’t a right time anyway. Hence, the best time to do something is now!
Thank you so much for your wonderful comment and adding so much to this post. I really appreciate you following me over to Ken’s great blog!
Hiten recently posted … Guest posting at Meant to be Happy
Hi Hiten. Thanks for this great post. I love that you describe “worst-case” thinking as a tyranny because it truly is one! It’s a tyranny of the mind for sure! 🙂
This thought at the very end of your post really struck me: “The good thing is that you can use your powers of imagination to serve you, rather than creating mental obstacles to the things you want to do.”
I’ve used this technique before but never heard it so succinctly described. I call it “worrying positively” or “worrying in reverse”
When I find myself worrying about why something won’t work out, I turn it around and create an expectation that it will. I start asking myself questions like, “What if *everyone* shows up and it’s standing room only?” or “what if my product launch is so successful that we have to put it on hold to catch up with the demand?”
These types of questions lead to excitement and momentum. And sometimes they come true. That’s the fun part!
Steve Rice recently posted … 006: AWAKE! Podcast – Who Are You, Really?!?
Hi Steve,
I’m really happy you liked this post and you have added some brilliant insights to it. Thank you.
The way you described using our imagination to assist us as “worrying positively” or “worrying in reverse” was excellent.
Your approach to problems by turning them on their heads and asking the opposite questions is well worth striving for. Thank you so much for sharing this.
As I was reading your words and processing them, I can only imagine how great such questions are at helping us to stay resourceful and optimistic.
Thanks a lot for commenting Steve. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … Guest posting at Meant to be Happy
Hi Hitten,
this post just sort of reminds me of the way I used to live. I used to worry a lot about my tomorrow and about the outcome of some goal I was working on. This is the same problem with most people. Some are quick to judge their future performances based on their past failures or experiences. I have since realized that not living in the NOW is equivalent to suffering. Worrying about what may go wrong tomorrow makes the worrier sick, inept, and unorganized. Worrying about what may go wrong tomorrow causes fear, insomnia, agitation, despair,and worst of all, increases the possibility of the wrong expectations actually surfacing. Instead of worrying, why not be positive and expect good results, which will definitely cause good feelings and calmness on the inside. After all, if things do go wrong, it’s not the end of the world. We can try again and again and again. And if we keep trying with enough oomph each time, we will eventually triumph.
It’s been proven that we mostly get and create what we put our attention on most of the time.
Giles recently posted … The most important, lucrative, and rewarding Investment you must make in life.
Hi Giles,
Thank you so much for following me over to Ken’s blog, my friend. I appreciate your support! 🙂
I can so resonate with your quite awesome comment! I too am of the opinion that living in anywhere except the now is suffering, or at least has strong seeds for suffering.
I totally agree with you. Instead of worrying about what will go wrong, why not contemplate on the positives and expect good results? What you wrote in your comment about this, was very similar to what Steve said in his comment too. Fantastic! 🙂
You are so right. Those things that we put our most attention to usually become true. So instead of putting all our attention on the worst case scenarios, let’s put our attention on all the best things that will happen.
Who knows? The more one keeps doing this, it will very soon become a habit, and a person will look for the best by default. Now there’s a thought!
Hiten recently posted … Guest posting at Meant to be Happy
Hi Hiten and friends,
One of the cool things about this post was reading through the comments and seeing so much love among friends 🙂
I love the questions that you offer as ways of getting “space” between the person and their fears. Also just wanted to share that when I was paralyzed by fear some years ago, what really helped me get out of it was a combination of this kind of question-based inquiry and a modality called tapping or Emotional Freedom Techniques, which is acupressure-based. For whatever reason, my limiting beliefs were so strongly rooted that I really needed something more than just questions to help me release all the fear.
Looking forward to coming back here often.
cheers,
Erika
Erika Awakening recently posted … What is romance, anyway?
Hi Erika,
Thank you so much for your comment! 🙂
Indeed, Ken has created an amazing platform where people can come, connect and share love and positivity.
I really appreciate you sharing your experiences with fear and how you overcame this.
Stories like yours are inspirational to all of us. I hadn’t heard of Emotional Freedom Techniques until now, so I will definitely look into this area.
Absolutely, fears can be so deeply rooted, that if problems are persisting, then going to the root of the problem, and plucking this out, is the way to as you said “release all the fear”.
It’s very nice to meet you Erika.
Hiten recently posted … SPEAK from the HEART: A true manual in the art of public speaking
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Thank you post, that’s great. I feel have friends together on process
I like your tip 1 and 3 that I use them regular.
I use that, things bad that I think can not avaleable, then I ignore them to keep mind on things that I want think and want do. I think if them maybe happen, as you said what is the worst thing that can happen? Then I ready to face with them 🙂
Read your post interesting me to say something more here:
When we worry about something
Keep mind on things that we want achieve
Relax waiting for peace in soul
Only take action when we get feel that we want
That can useful for someone else.
Thank you by great post and same my mind 🙂
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