So often we tell ourselves that we’re ready for change, a new start, the beginning of a new life.
We even write down our plans for change like the goal experts tell us to.
We fine tune our strategy for attack and become consumed with visions of the condition the change will make in our lives.
We think and plan and prepare and consider. We hope and wish and pray and ponder. But too often, we never take it out of first gear. It stays in the heart and never quite gets down to the feet.
And nothing happens.
Again.
Does this sound familiar? Are you fed up with the treadmill of complain-plan-stagnate, complain-plan-stagnate, ad nauseum? Are you finally ready, after all this time, to take action? To let the heart speak to the feet and get your life moving forward again?
Bigger and Littler Things
Most of life’s big things are constructed of lots of little things, or at least of littler things. By pursuing the littler things, we develop the qualities needed for tackling the bigger things.
By losing a few pounds (a littler thing) on our way to peak physical health (a big thing), for example, we gain self-control over appetite and the ability to delay immediate gratification for longer-term goals. Those characteristics help us to reach the longer-term big things in our lives.
So it’s in that spirit that I now challenge you to step to the plate of your own life and make the person in the mirror the person you were meant to be.
I challenge you to complete 6 challenges in 6 weeks, each of which will help develop within you the qualities that can take you closer to your potential, living the life you most want to live.
(By the way, I’ll catalog my own efforts—the good, bad and ugly—in the comments each day. So come back to see how I do, see what I learn in the process and share your own story in the comments as well!)
Week 1 Challenge: Commit to a Complain-Free Week
Some people go through life complaining about the weather, complaining about the economy, complaining about the neighborhood, even complaining when there isn’t enough to complain about!
They moan and groan about anything and everything and nothing at all.
Their complaints quickly become the sound of nails on chalk boards, their voices shrill with the whine of helplessness.
It can be raining gold coins in their backyard and they’ll complain about the flowers crushed by the falling wealth.
Stop it!
Stop whining and stop complaining and start taking responsibility for your life! Get off your flabby side and get your action muscles into shape.
Choose a direction and start running in that direction. The important thing is to stop being so timid about getting your life into gear!
Whining is nothing more than impotence made loud. (Tweet)
So get off your butt and fix the problem.
Stop complaining about your health and fix it!
Stop whining about your life and do something meaningful with it.
Stop moaning about how sad you are or unsatisfying your marriage is or how disrespectful your kids or boss or employees or neighbors are and change things.
The point is to stop being impotent and start being proactive. Stop waiting for life to serve you and start taking responsibility for yourself—your thoughts, attitude and behavior.
Children whine. The immature complain. Self-responsible people are agents of change and sit firmly ensconced in the drivers seat of their own lives!
Stop watching life with the moans and groans and complaints of the passive victim and yank life into your corner. Life is what it is. Accept it. Now go do something about its rougher edges.
The Seven Day No-Whine Challenge
So, here’s the official challenge:
I challenge you, starting today, right now, to go a full 7 days without a single complaint. Without whining or moaning or groaning or criticizing or otherwise fussing over any part of life.
This will require you to see the good behind the bad, to recognize the positive even in the midst of the negative.
You’re not pretending there is no crap on the lawn of your life when there plainly is. We end up stepping in it when we pretend it isn’t there. You’re just choosing to pay attention to the fact that the crap is also fertilizing the grass.
Or at least simply clean things up instead of whine about the thing needing cleaning.
At first, it may simply mean that you proverbially bite your tongue to keep quiet when a juicy complaint normally would have punctuated your discontent.
But to truly honor the spirit of the challenge, you have to go beyond simply not complaining, to actually looking for the beautiful and noble and uplifting even when you feel like you’ve fallen head first into life’s steaming cesspool.
So, now your charge is to go a full 7 days without whining. Without complaining. Without criticizing (a form of complaint), taking full responsibility for your life, actions, feelings and circumstances.
Just This Moment
Take each day one moment at a time. Don’t think about a cold-turkey, complain-free week. That may overwhelm the compain-addicted amongst us.
Instead, simply refuse to whine or complain right now. And then right now. And right now again.
Before you know it, enough right-nows will have passed by that you will have made it through a whole complain-free hour. Then a day. Then two. Then four. And soon enough, a complainless week will have gone by.
But you’ll be changed. You’ll find yourself so addicted to a life of self-responsibility that your whining will even annoy you.
One Ground Rule: If you catch yourself complaining, stop. Apologize. Then find two things positive about the thing you just complained about and say them out loud. If you keep slipping, increase the number of positives to three or four. Then (and only then!) you can still count it as a complain-free week.
Challenges are Challenging!
Refuse to slip into old patterns after the week is up by getting excited about the opportunity to accept the next challenge in the series. Add personal growth to personal growth. Get addicted to that instead.
I know you can do this! It’s simply a matter of making the decision to accept the challenge, commit to it, then create the patterns and routines that make it easy to remember.
You may want to bookmark this post for easy access or calendar the challenge in your smartphone or write it down on a 3×5 card and keep it in your pocket. Every morning, review the challenge. Commit to it anew. Add it to your prayers or meditations or affirmations.
The freedom, relief, happiness and peace of mind that comes with the self-responsibility that a refusal to whine and complain implies, is life-changing.
Still, this may be harder than you think:
A mean boss. Traffic. Rude drivers. Injustice. Bad service. Bad food. Long waits. A ticket. A fine. Computer crashes. Fender bender. Lost mail. The team loses. Stubborn parents. Stubborn kids. Bad news. Bad weather. An unforgiving mirror. Aches and pains and the ebbs and flows of life!
So much to complain about! But that’s the nature of challenges. They’re challenging!
Afterthoughts
As you make discernible strides to a whine-less life of self-responsibility, you will start to notice more happiness more often and a confident peace radiate out from a heart no longer enmeshed in bitterness and negativity.
Keep at it. Let the new habit of gratitude (the antidote to an attitude of complaint) and positivity replace the negative habit of the shrill, ungrateful whine.
This just may be your turning point.
Check out each of the Challenges in the series below:
Challenge #1: What Do You Have to Complain About?
Challenge #2: Is Honesty Really the Best Policy?
Challenge #3: Are you Finally Ready to Forgive?
Challenges #4: The Dangers of Pseudo-Intimacy: Unplug and Reconnect
See you in the comments! And remember to come back to see how I do. We would love to read about your progress as well!
“simply refuse to whine or complain right now. And then right now. And right now again. ”
Wise advice Ken. Even 24 hrs is a long time to not complain when our brain is entrenched in this way of thinking. One moment at a time, be present – be grateful. It will change your life.
Dan
Zen Presence – Ideas for Meaningful Living
Dan Garner recently posted … Making Space
Thanks Dan. The worry is that some will start the challenge, then feel overwhelmed at having to go a full week without complaining (you’re right–even a day is long for those habitually addicted to whining their way through life). We all know what we do when overwhelmed! But if we look at the challenge as a moment-by-moment commitment, perhaps fewer people will throw in the towel.
What helped me kick the habit was knowing that when others hear you complain they begin you see you as “the person who complains.” When other people complain that is what goes through my head. I see them as whiners then I begin to associate them with negative feelings. Do others look at me when I complain? I wouldn’t be surprised. So then I slowly let go of the habit.
Vincent recently posted … Are You Tired of Feeling Invisible? On Charisma and Becoming INVINCIBLE!
Chronic complainers are certainly difficult to take in large or frequent doses.
I love the approach you took to break the habit, Vince. Recognizing the effect we have on others, caring about that effect, then working to improve it is a sign of character and emotional maturity.
Thanks for sharing your insight (and congrats on the new book)!
Hey Ken! I’m with you. I’m taking the Week 1 Challenge! A week with no complaints!
My friend, an associate pastor, has a sign above his door that says, “This is a No Complaint Zone.” I kind of like the logic in putting that in a whole room. I hope you’re well!
Bryan Thompson recently posted … Your Story Is NOT Your Legacy…And Legacies are a BEAST!
Welcome aboard, Bryan! Check out my evaluation of the first day. It wasn’t so much a wake-up call (I still don’t complain much), but it did open my eyes a bit as I paid closer attention to my thoughts and comments throughout the day.
I would love to hear back how you’re doing with the challenge during the week too!
I like your pastor-friend’s sign, Bryan. I need to get one to wear around my neck! 😉
Excellent Ken.
This is from a blog post I wrote…
In a chapter on being grateful, in a book I enjoyed reading at the end of 2012, “A Spiritual Renegade’s Guide to the Good Life,” author Lama Marut suggests going on a weekly “complaining fast,” declaring a moratorium on complaining for one day each week. What will happen if you decide to adopt this habit is that you’ll start noticing yourself complaining. And then you’ll realize the smallness of the things that you are complaining about. You’ll see yourself sweating the small stuff, as I’ve liked to say since I read the classic Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff . After the complaining fast helps you learn to complain less (and appreciate how great things really are), more happiness will follow.
And on a related note, if you haven’t seen this video about First World Problems, check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN2WzQzxuoA
Best regards,
David
David J. Singer recently posted … “You Know, Papa, Hiccup’s Papa?” — Listening
So interesting, David! I wrote out my self-evaluation for the first day before reading any of the comments and found what you said to be so pertinent. I also noticed little complaints linking into my thoughts. And while I expressed a very small handful of them (perhaps three or so), many more popped into my head. So I look forward to the process of shrinking the number!
(I’ll report my progress each day here in the comments)
Okay, I’m going to go watch the Youtube link. Thanks for sharing it!
Hey David, just watched First World Problems. Loved it!
Day 1 Evaluation
So, how am I doing with the challenge at the end of the first day? I found that it is a lot easier to keep from verbalizing complaints and criticisms than keeping myself from thinking them.
I also noticed that I would have automatically expressed little irritations without notice (about things like traffic and commercials on too many stations and missing a green light and the like), little throwaway comments that would have been expressed had I not accepted the challenge. It was interesting to catch myself about to say things I didn’t think I said very often. I would still place myself in the I-don’t-do-much-complaining club, but I do a little more than I thought I did.
My final insight was that I really need to set up a review and commit routine in the morning to set the stage for the day. It took a couple hours this morning before I even remembered the challenge and simply don’t know how I did until after 8am.
Okay, it’s off to bed to dream happy, complain-free dreams!
Hope to see you all come along for the ride!
Life starts improving, once we stop complaining about things which we can or can’t control. Stop complaining and start taking actions to remove problems in life. Good article.
Ravi recently posted … Habits of Rich Guys, Which Poor Don’t Follow
So true, Ravi! When we complain, we put ourselves in the role of passive victim. I like your attitude! If more people would complain less and take action to remove those problems instead, what a different world people would experience!
So are you on board with the challenge?
Yes Kent, I am already into it. In fact, I have written an article on a topic similar to this : http://youandhappiness.com/take-control-of-your-life/
Would love to hear your comments or feedback.
Ravi recently posted … Habits of Rich Guys, Which Poor Don’t Follow
Sorry for wrong name spelling, Ken. 🙂
Ravi recently posted … Take Control of Your Life – Yes, It’s Important.
Ha! No worries! I’ve been called worse! 😉
Just left a comment, Ravi. Well said! Thanks for sharing the link!
OK, I’ll try, Ken!
I know I do complain, criticise and grumble. It will be hard but then, that’s the point…
I’ll bookmark this and share it on my FB page.
Oh my goodness, what have I just said yes to!!!!
Linda recently posted … Are You Unhappy? Here’s How To Turn That On Its Head.
Yes, Linda! I love it! And yep, that’s entirely the point! 🙂
We all complain. What I realized in just my first day of the challenge is that I complain more than I thought I did. But much of my complaining is underground, in my thoughts. So I sound like much less of a whiner than I actually am!
So we’re both on this track together. Let me know how you do! You might also get a kick out of my daily evaluations. I have Day 1 up. Day 2 Eval will go up sometime late tonight after I have a chance to review the day. We can compare notes!
Remember, it’s all about steps in the right direction, not perfection! Whew!
Day 2 Evaluation
I did better today. I was able to keep more of my thoughts positive than yesterday. The only complaint I really had was at the gym when a girl kept talking loudly on her phone near me. It was difficult to focus on my editing (I do most of my post edits on a stationary bike at the gym). I was able to keep my frustration at a minimum, though, as I kept telling myself she was young and naive and just didn’t know any better. How we interpret situations really does change how we feel about them. I found that to be true here.
Complaining has always been a part of every individual. That’s why it’s a great challenge to anybody not to complain. But if can do it, then be ready for a big change. And it’s gonna be great so accept and start the challenge now. Bring it on! 🙂
Awesome, Sue! Yes, it’s totally on! I’ve discovered tricky little covert complaints trying to pop up when I’m not looking. But paying attention helps a lot. Lots of little self-adjustments everyday so far! Welcome aboard! Let us know how you do!
Ok, just finished Day 1 and now in Day 2.
I
t’s so easy to say it before you realise you’ve said it… these complaints seem to lurk around every situation somehow.
So often they’re small, insignificant ones but isn’t that always the case? Like the fly that manages to escape the ‘swat’ (just now in my kitchen) or the child who keeps grizzling in the supermarket and the mum ignores it… (yesterday).
This is making me aware where I wasn’t before… Note to self, ‘Think before you speak, Linda…’
Linda recently posted … Do You Hate Being The Odd One Out? Why?
I’ve found the same exact thing, Linda! And I’ve always fancied myself pretty darn close to being complainless. But it’s those little ones I never even thought much of as complaints. The biggest surprise to me so far is the number of thought-but-not-verbalized complaints I have.
But as they say, awareness is the first step to greatness! Actually, I don’t know if they say that, but it sounded good! 🙂
Wow Ken, this must be the most powerful post that I have ever read. I love the quotes here. Stunning my friend. I have shared this on FB. Crap fertilizes the grass, love it.
Wade Balsdon recently posted … Online Business: 5 Proven Ways to Earn Your Worth
Wow! Thanks Wade! Appreciate the support, my friend. Have an amazing week!
I’ll give it a go for a day starting from tomorrow.
Today I had my whining so I have to start tomorrow.
Tough job but hopefully I can do it.
I will probably think the complain but I wil just keep it for myself.
You CAN do it, Cristina. You know why? Because the challenge is to do better than you normally do. It’s not perfection; it’s improvement. Being aware of your complaining might make it seem like you’re complaining more than usual, but that’s not likely the case. Much of what we do is below the surface of self-awareness. So have fun with it!
I noticed I think complaints much more often than I express them myself. It’s all good. One complain-free moment at a time! Let us know how you do as you wrestle with the challenge! I’m cataloging my own successes and stumbles and insights gained from my daily experiences with the challenge here in the comments. See how I do! 😉
Day 3 Evaluation
I’m finding that simply being aware, paying attention to what and when and why I complain helps me complain less. I was stopped at an off-ramp waiting for the car ahead of me to go. About 5 cars in front of him had already exited the freeway. We were parked 5 cars from the line while he sat there texting! I gave him a friendly “the light turned green” honk and nothing! So I honked again, with a little less friendliness and he finally moved.
I felt critical and judgmental and the intent of complaint was in my heart even if the words didn’t make it to the surface. Then I started to rewrite the story behind his rude texting behavior. I imagined him texting his daughter who was in the hospital that he was running late, but would be there soon for her treatment. Or perhaps he was letting his wife know how much he loved and appreciated her. I softened. Immediately. The complaint didn’t stay. It was shorter lived. It felt good.
I’m looking forward to tomorrow. My wife and daughter are spending the day together, so that means a daddy-son day. We already planned out our day (Denney’s, beach, picnic for lunch, watergun fight, swim lessons, Shakey’s pizza for dinner and a movie). I’m hoping any would-be complaint will feel too silly to show up tomorrow on such a fun-packed day!
[…] Over on Ken Wert’s site he’s set his readers a challenge – not to complain, whine, grumble or whinge for…. a whole week. Yes. I know. Sounds tough. […]
Hi Ken! I was listening to your interview yesterday and came to your website to check out this challenge thing… My sister-in-law and I have decided to take your challenge together, that way we can catch each other. It’s so easy to complain so often that you don’t even notice it anymore. We talk several times a day so we can keep each other in check. I’ll tell you how we are doing next week when I see you. Love you big Brother!
Hey Wendy! So good to see my baby sister here!! That’s so cool that you and your sister-in-law are going to tackle the challenge together. It’s really helpful to have someone supportive to help keep us honest and on track. It is so easy to slip into complain mode! I really fancied myself a non-complainer. But those little (usually) unverbalized little devils pop out more often than I thought they did until I started monitoring them.
Good luck with the challenge, Wendy! Can’t wait to see you and your beautiful family! And thanks for listening to the interview.
Love you tons!
Something I have noticed is the self-depreciating complaints I often have. Just little things but It happens a lot more than I would have thought. I will strive to curb these thoughts too. I imagine it will help improve my self image!
What I would suggest is not merely curbing that particular brand of compliant, but replacing it. Whenever the thought that says, “Wow, I’m such a _________!” pops into your head, laugh (or smile if there are people around and it happens a lot—don’t want to look like a crazy person!), then correct the comment. Turn the self-deprecating comment into a compliment.
It may feel unnatural or foolish, even dishonest and self-deceiving at first. You may even feel offended by the obviousness of the lie you feel you’re telling yourself. It all depends on the nature of the self-deprecation and the meaning you’ve attached to it over the years, how invested you are in it and the layers of self-deprecation that have piled up like so many dead leaves on top of dead leaves on the jungle floor of your heart and mind.
Do it anyway. And do it much longer than a week. Just keep at it. After a while, you will start to reprogram your brain.
Act like a defense attorney defending a client. Each time the mind produces a self-deprecating assertion, tear into it as you would a hostile witness on the witness stand. Cross examine the statement. Disclose its ulterior motives, uproot it as unfounded, improvable hearsay. Then argue the opposite, that your client is innocent of all charges.
Another tactic is to treat the compliant as though it was said of you as your own child. Don’t self-deprecate the self-deprecator for having self-deprecated though! Instead, simply be protective of the “child” you and sit down with her and tell her what you would your own child had she been called the name you called yourself.
As you weaken the statement’s strength and counter it with evidence to its opposite, over time, you should start to notice a decrease in frequency and strength of the self-deprecating complaints.
In the meantime, you could always start with this piece of counter-evidence. Your big brother thinks the world of you!
Love you Wendy!!!
An amazing post! I’m putting a note to myself on the fridge so I’ll remember to start the challenge tomorrow morning.
Thanks Mom! You’re the best! Good luck with the challenge. Just remember, we’re aiming at improvement, not perfection. Have fun with it. Self-discovery and self-development can be exciting if approached as a game, trying to win, for sure, but having fun with it, win, lose or draw. And actually, all it takes to win is improvement anyway. If we can complain a little less than before, then guess what! We’re complaining less than we did before! Success! 🙂
Love you!
Late to the party, but I’m in, Ken. I know I complain – verbally and internally – more than I should. Like you said, though, the verbal ones are much easier to stifle than the internal ones. But to me, that falls under the category of self-talk and that can be a powerful thing – whether good or bad.
Lisa recently posted … CSA Pickup Day Pasta
Awesome, Lisa! That’s the great thing about parties such as this one. It’s still a party no matter when you show up to it! You make a great point about the power of self-talk. That internal dialogue frames and shapes the experiential world we encounter. What we habitually say to ourselves and what we say about others and life and the experiences we have determines in large measure how those experiences are felt and reacted to.
Thanks for that reminder, Lisa. Good luck with the challenge! Let us know how you do!
OK, going full disclosure here…first day was not such a great effort. I woke up tired, cranky, and still fighting the cold I snagged somewhere. So, this hardly qualifies as a complaint-free day. I was whiny and I knew it. Perhaps the one positive about the whole thing was that I was painfully aware of how much I was complaining and could admit it. Tomorrow is another opportunity…
Lisa recently posted … CSA Pickup Day Pasta
Love the honesty and love the attitude, Lisa! I know I’m deeply grateful for all the renewed opportunities my tomorrows that have allowed! Sometimes we just have to trudge through the stink and other times we can jump over it. Sounds like you had a trudging sort of day. Hope you feel better this morning! Awareness is the first essential step. Admitting it, the second. Looks like you’re poised for a good run at it today!
I’m rooting for you!
Thanks, Ken. Trudge through the stink – what an image! You’re so right about awareness being essential. I’m happy to be brutally and honestly aware that I’ve been a complainer lately. I’m using calendar and journal to get a Monday morning do-over going for this week. Thanks again for the nudge in a positive direction. 🙂
Lisa recently posted … What I’m Reading – An Everlasting Meal
Ha! Yes, an image indeed, Lisa! So glad to hear your taking steps to being a reformed complainer! I’m happy to be the nudger!
I can start my post with ‘ I can’t complain’ because my first day with no complains went very good. In the morning I told myself that I have to keep it in but actually I stopped thinking about it and all day long I had some kind of quiet state of mind. Fantastic! I hope I can keep up the good work for another 6 days.
Stop obsessing about the negative things made me realise that I walk with a smile on my face all day long!
Congratulations on having a successful first day, Cristina! My first day was the most best too. And even though I started noticing an internal, unexpressed complaint from time to time (mostly in traffic) in my thoughts, I’ve done really well so far too. It does feel liberating, doesn’t it? So glad you were able to have that peace as you stopped obsessing over the negative things.
Good luck with the successive days of the challenge! Remember that improvement is the goal. So celebrate those victories even if they are not all perfect days.
Keep us posted on how you do!
Day 4 Evaluation
Well, I think I’ve found my biggest weakness. So far, it seems I complain and criticize and even whine from time to time the most on the road. Mostly encountering inconsiderate drivers, but also some of the daily driving inconveniences, like too many red lights in a row, a left turn light that is too short to let all the cars through, and the like.
I’ve also experimented with ways to reduce it. Two things have helped:
1. For inconsiderate drivers, I try practicing what I’m calling “Amused Acceptance.”
When someone drives while under the influence of texting or cuts me off, or is erratic or otherwise annoying, I try to accept them for who they are and that their reason for driving (or texting) that way just may be legitimate. How could I know it’s not? That attitude helps, but not for all drivers.
For some, it is difficult to believe their driving could be justified. So I added a sort of amused curiosity to my effort at acceptance. During the last day or two, I’ve been smiling more at drivers than wanting to honk at them. With curious amusement, I wonder how someone could have gone so long in life without learning basic driving manners. It’s not a smug or arrogant amusement, but is amusement nonetheless. It seems to work.
2. Just today, I stumbled on the application of gratitude.
What happened is that I hit 3-4 stop lights in a row, each one a short distance from the other. I noticed a complaint welling up inside (not rage, mind you, just a complaining spirit), so I started thinking, “What can I do to avoid these little irritations?” And it hit me. I literally started thinking how grateful I was that we have stop lights, that they contribute so much to the flow and order of traffic on most days. I thought about the chaos the streets would be without them and realized how important they are to my convenience, even though I’m waiting behind yet another one. And you know what? It worked beautifully!
Just two more strategies to help us go a complain-free week together! How is your week treating you?
Day 5 Evaluation
So here’s my experience: I was driving home (in a hurry), when a car drove out of a parking lot to make a left hand turn. But there was obviously no room to angle her car into the turning lane, so she completely blocked my lane. Because of traffic, I couldn’t change lanes, so I was stuck behind her as I watched my green light turn red, unable to drive through the intersection. Did I slip into complain mode? Yep.
I mean, how inconsiderate! So selfish, right? She cared more about getting where she wanted to go and the rest of us, well, we just didn’t matter, right?
And then I thought. Have I done anything remotely similar? I had to admit I have. I have thought something would work only to find I inconvenienced others before. I was embarrassed. I had wished I hadn’t done it. So why would I presume to know this woman didn’t care? You can guess what happened to my internal whine.
So what did I discover helps reduce the spirit of complaining in such circumstances? Compassion does!
I love your suggestions. I will definitely work on reworking my thoughts.
I also have had trouble complaining while in the car. When Nick was young I would find myself complaining about the drivers around me and realize I was setting a bad example so I would (in a false hysterical voice) say “Get out of my way… Don’t you know I own the road!… How dare you presume to be in my world when I have somewhere to go? My joke would defuse the tension, make Nick laugh and hopefully make him realize that I was being ridiculous.
I think the world of you too Big Bro!
I LOVE the way you used humor to highlight the silliness and defuse the tension. That was brilliant! There is something about traffic and drivers who, well, in light of the week we’re working on having, we’ll just call interesting, that brings out the ornery impatience in us! It’s been my Achilles heel, anyway.
Glad my suggestions are helpful, Wendy. I’ll definitely try the humor approach next time I catch myself complaining out loud with Jacob in the car.
Thanks for sharing the wisdom, Wendy! I almost want to complain just to try it out!
Not too bad today, Ken.
Was just about to have a go at my OH because he didn’t pick up the phone but managed to turn it into a smile. I hope I can keep this up, it’s a habit I want to start!
I wrote a post about the challenge – hope you approve.
Linda recently posted … 3 Deadly ‘Complaining’ Traps and How To Defuse Them
I LOVE that you wrote a post about the challenge, Linda!
Way to go with the turn-around smile! I’m doing better in traffic, but that’s still my week spot. I’m discovering new ways to deflect and transform the complaint impulse behind the wheel.
Another day, another opportunity (to paraphrase Lisa)!
Aahh…I got paraphrased. I feel like Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias when she shrieks “I’m a chaiy-un!” I see that Linda posted about the challenge. Was thinking about that myself – with your permission, of course.
Lisa recently posted … What I’m Reading – An Everlasting Meal
Haha! Permission more than granted, Lisa! 🙂
Another 2 days without complaining. Yesterday was a bit more difficult because a few things happen and I almost couldn’t keep it in. But what I discovered that I do is see the problem with a positive side. If I want to complain I only say that things that are positive. For example we had a client who ordered something but in the end she bough the stuff somewhere else and didn’t inform us about it. We ordered the product specially for her. Normally I would be mad and tell the client that is not neat of her what she did. Yesterday I just nodded and said ‘ have a nice day!’. It didn’t cost me any energy and I could go on with my daily routine without being annoyed.
Today is also went well. Everytime I complain in my head I verbally express it with a positive thing.
It helps. I can keep calm and I don’t go on obsessing about it in my head.
Another 4 days to go…..
Thank you Ken for your support!
You’re doing awesome, Cristina! Congratulations on being able to let go of the frustrating moments without obsessing over them. That’s quite an accomplishment!
I love that you shared the experience of the customer failing to inform you and being able to wish her a nice day and move on. What a feeling, right?
These kinds of personal victories give us all fuel to keep at it!
Whew! Didn’t know I was soooo negative! Yesterday didn’t go so well. It was simply an eye-opener on my frequency of complaining. Today is going much better. And you know what? The sun seems to be shining brighter. The air is sweeter. And I love the people around me so much more. Didn’t realize how much I was bringing myself down. Thanks Kenneth Michael!!
It’s amazing how much self-awareness is often enough to launch us into new ways of thinking and behaving. So much of what we do is on autopilot. Then some goofy guy comes along and challenges us to a week of thinking differently, and we face parts of the auto pilot we didn’t even know was back there in the cockpit steering.
You are an amazing woman, Mom. I’m so thrilled you’re finding even more pleasure in everything around you as you see the autopilot for what it is and are now taking over the controls.
Love you!!
Day 6 Evaluation
Today was a good day. There were a couple times I thought the driver in front of me could do a better job watching the road instead of texting, but I not only kept the complaint in, the typical frustration was muted.
What seems to work well for me is a combination of what I’ve reported on already. I do some combination of telling myself a different story about why they may be driving the way they are (hurrying to get home to a sick child, just got laid off, suffering from advanced stages of Alzheimers), being amused by the driving rather than angry, and being compassionate and forgiving.
Hope you are finding ways to reduce your habitual whining and complaining. If not, try mine on for size. They’re all free! 😉
Remember, if you stumble, get right back up and recommit to the challenge. It’s all about improving from wherever you start from, not about being where someone else is. one step at a time!
I feel like I’m doing pretty good. We are currently having a serious problem with our neighbor. She is being very ugly to us and causing problems whenever she finds an opportunity. I had been obsessing about her, worrying about her next scheme, having mental confrontations with her, etc. Since starting this challenge I have been working hard at just turning all of that off. When she pops into my head I try to be more understanding of her situation (her husband recently died and we think there must be some dementia or something, I mean there has to be.. right?) or just force myself to think of something else. I have found that there is less overall stress and I am more mentally prepared to deal with the rollercoaster of raising two little girls.
I can’t thank you enough Ken.
Thank you so much, Wendy! I’m thrilled the challenge has been so successful for you! Sounds like you’re handling the challenge really well. Guess what the next step might be! Making friends with her. I know, too much! But think about it. What if you brought her a plate of cookies with a card that said how much you look forward to getting to know her. Now if its dementia, there may be limited effect. But otherwise, and if nothing else, it will make you feel really good and be a great example for those amazing kids of yours!
Love you!
Day 7 Evaluation and Summary
If you started with us here from day one, congratulations on going a week without (or with less) complaining. I hope you make it an ongoing exercise as part of your general personal development. If you joined us later int he week or stumbled a few times and had a do-over or two, keep at it! Continue to return here for support. If you leave a comment, even though we may have moved on to a new challenge, I’ll return and reply.
As for me, as I’ve said, while I’m not much of a complainer, I did complain more than I realized and usually the under-the-breath sort of unexpressed attitude of complaint, and usually in my car in traffic. The most successful methods for decreasing the frequency, but especially the longevity of my complaints was to 1) remind myself each morning (and often throughout the day) that I was, indeed, working to fulfill the no-complaint challenge, 2) allow myself to be more amused by people’s bad driving than angry, and 3) exercise compassion and empathy as I told myself a new story about the driver, allowing that they very well may feel as dumb as I have felt for driving foolishly.
A happy life is not one free of things to complain about; it is a life where we let things slide, we don;t take things too personally and we are patient and kind and compassionate and generous when ascribing motives to others.
Now head on over to my new challenge! Check it out here. Are you up to it?
Sorry that I didn’t write for a few days.
It’s been going fantastic. Even my boyfriend told me a few times that he is proud for me doing it so well.
What I do realise is that actually I have nothing to complain about. I have a beautiful fantastic sweet daughter, a wonderful boyfriend, I am healthy and I have a beautiful life. I do have some challenges in my work and I have to work on that a little bit harder but everything could be worse.
I would like to commit to a complaint free life! That would be fantastic!
And Ken! Thank you for your support!
I hope you don’t mind if I am going to use your idea also with my clients. I am a coach and I would like to help people complain less.
If you have other different ideas I would really like to participate.
I have now another day to go.., but I won’t stop!
Congratulations, Cristina! So often, it’s the small little tweaks in life that make the biggest differences.
What a wonderful realization that your life is so wonderful, Cristina! We can get so petty, can’t we? It’s almost as if we invent things to complain about just so we have something to complain about! I love your idea of a complain-free life!
Feel free to use any idea you ever find here, Cristina! That you found value here is reward enough for me!
Have you tried the Honesty Challenge yet? You can read about it here.
Hi Ken
I’ve to say I did good the first 4
day. I would stop my self if the
I start to complain.
Than I’ve to say I lost it the last
3 days because our 4 youngest
kids came home from camp. 18
down to 10.
3 of the kids ended up sick. I had
to take 1 to the doctors. Than our
son was upset because he couldn’t
help at church. They are all feeling
better now.
Than I had to deal with trying to find
bags they borrowed and blankets and
pillows and towels. Which the kids returned
but 2 towels.
Than dealing with getting a new dog plus my
dog.
So still working this.
Thanks Bonnie
bonnie squires recently posted … Even Angels get Baptized!
Hey Bonnie, sounds like a great first half, challenging second half of the week. That’s okay! We are all works in progress, right? Just look at the overall week and determine if it was a general improvement or not. If so, celebrate! If not, like you say, keep working on it! It’s all about baby steps.
[…] being too critical of others, (Working on that with Ken Wert’s help by taking his Challenge of Not Complaining for a Whole Week!) […]
Sounds like a great challenge, I definitely want to get my friend to do this with me. She complains that she complains too much.
Welcome aboard, Ashley! Group or pair efforts often work the best because there’s both mutual encouragement and accountability. I look forward to hearing how it goes!
I’m up for the 7 day challenge.
What an inspirational ,amazing , well thought out post!!
thanks
SW
steve werner recently posted … Competing Mentalities: Scarcity & Abundance
I love your inspiring messages Ken! I can do this!!! 🙂