“I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn’t and it really doesn’t have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips.” ~ Sophia Loren
“Sexy at the millennium means having a solid sense of self but never taking yourself too seriously.” ~ Rebecca Romijn
Real sexiness is something much deeper than appearance. It’s more than bone structure and skin tone or the curves of the body or the sway of the hips. Many apparently sexy people at a distance can turn out to be very unsexy up close and personal.
So what is sexiness? It is a quality of person that transcends even the physical. And what’s that quality? In a word, it’s happiness.
15 Ways Happiness is Sexy
1. Happy people are confident.
And confident people are sexy. They are not cocky and show-offy, but know their strengths, build upon them, and appreciate them.
2. Stagnation is unattractive.
Growth is very attractive. Happy people grow. They stretch and challenge themselves. How sexy is that!
3. Happy people take care of themselves.
So do sexy people. Sexy people care about their health. They recognize their bodies are the vehicles by which they will accomplish great things. So they take care of that vehicle.
4. Self-obsessed people are very unsexy.
But happy people are giving and thoughtful. They spend more time looking at others and their needs than in the mirror at receding hairlines or crooked noses.
5. Happy people care.
Caring is sexy. Indifference is decidedly not very sexy at all. Indifference is mental laziness and moral sloppiness.
6. Passion is hot.
Passion is what happy people are all about. They love life and love living it. They do things that excite them and get excited about the things they do. Very sexy, indeed!
7. Happy people are loving people.
Love is such a sexy thing. It just feels good to love and be loved. Think about hate and selfishness and unkindness and the rest of love’s antonyms: Not very attractive qualities at all.
8. Happy people have fun.
Fun is sexy too. Sexy people play. Happy people play. Regularly “letting down your hair” and rolling around on the floor with your kids is extremely sexy … and fun … and happiness-inducing. So be sexy and happy and have some fun!
9. Sexy people laugh.
So do happy people! Laughter, as a matter of fact, is one of the sexiest qualities a person can have. The cranky and irritable don’t make for very sexy company.
10. There’s not much that’s sexier than sincerity.
Someone who doesn’t really listen, who pretends to be interested, is a huge turnoff.
11. Blame is ugly.
Happy people are self-responsible. They accept responsibility for their own actions – both failures and successes. They accept responsibility for their own emotions and attitudes too. They don’t use phrases like, “You made me mad!” or “Look how you’re making me feel!” They know they own their own feelings. Nothing sexier than that!
12. Happy people don’t whine or complain.
Neither do sexy people. They see the best and are proactive. They don’t sit around whining about why things never work out for them. They decide what needs to be done and they do it. They don’t see life as something others do to them. They engage it and make something of it. Whiners and complainers don’t do much else than whine and complain. If you want sexy, stay away from whiners and complainers!
13. Laziness is definitely unsexy.
And happy people are decidedly not a bunch of TV-watching time-wasters either. Sexy, happy people are shakers and movers. They get things done. Action is almost a synonym for the happy and sexy crowd!
14. Sexy people are polite.
They are thoughtful and kind. Those who are brash and rude and ill-mannered are in no way sexy at all. If you want to increase your sexy quotient, treat others politely.
15. There is great sexiness in being trusting and trustworthy.
Happy people are both trusting of others and worthy of their trust. Suspicious, distrustful people are patently not very sexy. Nor are liars. To be able to place total confidence in a person’s word is very, very sexy.
Happiness is the New Sexy
Sexiness adds spark to life. It’s the frosting on the cake that is a meaningful life. It’s the James Bondness of living. It is the appeal others have. It is attraction and an alluring “something” about a person.
Some people confuse a “bad boy” or “nasty girl” quality with sexiness. But they’re wrong to make that connection. That’s a dated sort of pseudo-sexy. There is a new sexiness that is replacing the old.
We’ve all known people who at first glance made us tremble a bit. Then, after getting to know them better, we’ve scratched our heads and wondered what we ever saw in them. True sexiness, the new sexiness, is much more than the length of a leg or the width of the shoulders. It is in the soul of the person radiating from a much more profound place than skin level.
So let’s redefine sexy. Let’s do it by redefining what we love most in others.
Let’s make happiness the new sexy.
What qualities do YOU find sexy?
Please share in the comments below.
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To be radiantly attractive accept every part of who you are!
Nicely said, Evan! Sometimes when we most want to grow, to get past something that’s holding us back, to develop an attribute or character trait that has been underdeveloped as yet, the most basic first step is to accept, even embrace ourselves — weaknesses, idiosyncrasies and all. It is at the moment of acceptance that we can then — and sometimes only then — step up to the next level in our personal evolution. That’s an attractive quality in part because it requires vulnerability.
Thanks for the sexy comment, Evan!
Modesty – real modesty come from confident people, they are modest because they know who they are, and that confident exudes from within 🙂
and congrats on winning best perso development blog!
Noch Noch
Noch Noch recently posted … attributing blame
I love that trait, Noch! Thank you so much for bringing up modesty. There is something hugely attractive about modesty, for sure. And I agree that so much of its sexiness comes from the self-assurance and confidence that is the core of those who are comfortably modest. There is no need to flaunt their sexuality because there is no insecurity that needs the sexual attention of others to offset. There is a dignity in self-respect that adds to the sexiness too.
Modesty is certainly (and perhaps counter-intuitively) very, very sexy.
And thank you for your congrats. That means a lot to me, Noch. It was quite an honor.
Hi Ken,
It is my first time on your site and I love the sexiness of the first post that I am reading. I enjoyed how you have redefined happiness and making it the new sexy. It is true that there is nothing sexy when you are not confident. Then again, true confidence is a quality that comes from within. It happens when you are truly loving and accepting yourself.
Love and abundance always,
Evelyn
Evelyn Lim recently posted … Tiny Buddha Interview on Life’s Hard Questions
Hi Evelyn! So good to meet you.
I just find it incredibly attractive to see people deeply and truly happy. I’ve also seen so many people get into relationships with a guy or girl who had that certain sex appeal but whose characters were deeply flawed. But happy people, possessing the qualities that lend themselves to a sustained state of happiness, make wonderful boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands and wives (mothers and father too, for that matter!).
So yes, it’s time to redefine sexy.
You make an important point by connecting our sexy inner confidence with truly loving and accepting ourselves. That is so true. Pseudo self-love is boastful, prideful and very unattractive. But the quiet confidence of someone who really feels comfortable in their own skin, who loves being who they are and accepts themselves as themselves, well, we just don’t get much sexier than that!
Awesome point, Evelyn. Thank you so much for making it here.
“Happiness is the new sexy” … I love that, Ken! Entrance into a bright new life depends on taking responsibility for our happiness. Depending on others for happiness comes from false feelings of insecurity… and there is NOTHING sexy about insecurity.
rob white recently posted … God Is….
So true, Rob! Insecurity is definitely not sexy. The good news is, like almost everything in life, there are gradations. Some people are more and others less sexy, so it’s not an all-or-nothing proposition. In other words, we can have some insecurities and still be sexy if we have other sexy qualities. But our insecurities certainly do compromise our sexiness. And the more and bigger the insecurities, the more our attractiveness is thereby compromised.
Vulnerability is also a sexy trait. But only the kind of vulnerability that comes from those who are self-assured enough to be open. It’s an intentional vulnerability that accepts the risks of being open to hurt because of the confidence of being able to deal with the pain. The kind of vulnerability that is born of insecurity is not sexy at all.
Thanks for the insightful comment, my friend!
Hi Ken,
I love your list about happiness. Happiness is an internal emotion and we should never depend on others for happiness. Once we let go of resentment and once we look deep inside, we will begin to experience happiness. Thanks for sharing
Dia recently posted … Things to be grateful for in life
Hi Dia!
Resentment truly is a self-defeating — and a very unsexy — trait. And you’re right to point out that happiness is a reflection of the internal condition of our lives. Change the internal noise of destructive thinking, believing and doing, and we change the whole emotional atmosphere we experience.
Thanks for that insight, Dia! Such an important point. Take care, my friend.
Ken,
first time here too. you listed this in number 4. I hink being thoughtful is very sexy. Especially chivalry, you know it’s not dead.
On the flip side, I have to say i think machismo is about the UN-sexiest thing i can think of. It’s like my kryptonite.
Happy new year
Annie Andre recently posted … How To Teach Your Kids To Be Adventurous: The Gift That Keeps On Giving
Awesome comment, Annie! Welcome to Meant to be Happy!
I love chivalry. Even the word sounds sexy! I’m an old fashioned guy who holds doors and offers up my seat and lets women go first. Now days, many would say that’s sexist. I think that’s too bad. I talk to high school students all the time (I’m a public school teacher by day) who laugh at the idea of holding a door for a date or even paying for the girl they asked out. Even dating itself has become fairly passe. They “hook up” or “hang out.” Relatively few have any semblance of chivalry today. So it’s particularly refreshing when I come across students who are. So I’m glad chivalry is not yet dead, but I do worry a bit for the upcoming generation or two.
As for machismo, I couldn’t agree with you more. I think a lot of women still prefer a masculine man. But the machismo attitude is extremely unattractive.
Thank you so much for visiting, Annie, and leaving that added insight into what we might call moral sexiness. Feel free to come by any time!
Hi Ken,
first time on your site and I agree happiness is so sexy..
Like attracts like, by being happy, you will attract happy people into your life..
This is not waffle but a law..
When one smiles, another will smile back..
Great post and so true..
jack foley recently posted … Diversification-So-Important-In-Investing
Thanks for dropping by, Jack!
You make such a great point that likes attract. Popular culture makes such a big deal about opposites attracting each other in relationships. But I don’t think that’s so true in most cases. My wife and I are opposites in a lot of ways, but it wasn’t those opposites that attracted us to each other. It was our shared values and interests.
So the more morally sexy we become, the more we’ll attract other morally sexy people into our lives. That was an important connection to make.
Thanks again for coming around and for the insight you added to the conversation. And welcome to Meant to be Happy! Hope to see you wondering the halls here again soon!
Hi Ken!
So loving seeing all the “first-time” visitors here and their sexy responses! 😉 YAY!!
This post makes me smile and laugh (#9 rules for me btw!). I think I’m the least “sexy” person in the world, but what you wrote here gives me a whole different thought and hmm … I can perhaps refer to myself as “sexy” after all! Can you hear me laughing??!
This idea of redefining sexy (especially for our youth!) is fantastic! Now, I know so many more sexy people! 🙂
I’m with Annie, chivalry is waaay sexy. Being kind and doing acts of kindness that are not on display or put in the spotlight is ultra sexy too!
Super great post Ken! You always make me smile huge … THANK YOU!!
Abundant kindness always,
Elena
Elena Patrice recently posted … Merry Christmas!
Elena, my dear friend! I hope your holidays have been wonderfully beautiful and joyful! And yes, it’s been exciting to see all the new faces recently.
I have to admit, I was smiling and laughing while writing this post! It was a fun to put together.
I LOVE the point you make about kindness that is not on display. That was an important point to add because the showy “look-at-me” kind of service robs the kindness of its sexiness, for sure. Thanks for that clarification, Elena!
Now to convince the younger generation of this new definition … I might need help on this one! :/
Thanks for the awesome comment so filled with insight into the truly sexy! 🙂
Elena Patrice shared this on Facebook, which is what I’ll do, too! This post made me smile!
Thanks so much! Have a fun day!!
Betsy Cross recently posted … A Pearl of Great Price
Hi Betsy! I adore Elena and am so glad you found us here!
What do you find sexy in others? If I were to write this post again, I would add vulnerability to the list (Thanks Rob for inspiring that one). Does one stand out beyond the others for you? For me, it might be #10: Sincerity.
Thanks so much for the Share, Betsy, and for leaving a comment. I really do appreciate it.
Love, listening and laughter! But that’s because these are MY needs! That’s what I look for subconsciously. So sexy is different for everyone I guess.
Betsy Cross recently posted … A Pearl of Great Price
Great point, Betsy! We very rarely analyze what it is about those we find sexy, so you’re right to point out that for most of us, sexiness is something that floats around in our subconscious. But my hope is that we start doing that much less than we currently do. I hope we can reevaluate what sexy is and start seeing it as a reflection of basic values of decency and kindness. It will be different for everyone, for sure. That’s a great point too. But maybe we can start seeing something inside the person, not just the shape and size of the variety of physical features that overrides the physical. I don’t think that physical sexiness will ever go away. But maybe we can choose to desire other qualities even more than physical attractiveness so that the physical becomes secondary.
That’s my hope, anyway. 🙂
I love #2 Ken. Life is not into stagnation at all. If a lake doesn’t have an inflow and an outflow it soon becomes rank, but how sweet a lake is when it is not bottled up.
For much of my life I didn’t really know what spontaneity was, I existed in a kind of shell, or cocoon. I’m happy to say it’s never too late to open our heart to the flow of love and happiness and let the natural flow of life move through us. Sexy at last. It do feel good, don’t it?
Christopher Foster recently posted … Welcome a New Year, welcome a New You
Hi Christopher!
Yes, sexy does feel good! 🙂
You added a great one to the list: spontaneity! A very sexy trait to have, for sure. There is something extremely attractive about someone who gets an idea, jumps up and simply acts on it. Starting this blog was a pretty spontaneous thing to do, so you just shot up my sexy quotient now that I can add this to my list! Haha!
Shells and cocoons don’t make for very exciting lives. You are a beautiful example of the power of choice. Thanks for sharing your journey with us at your site and everywhere you leave tidbits of your life and passion and insight in comments here and elsewhere.
Have a very sexy day, my friend!
Hi Ken,
Congrats on your best PD award. You inspire me.
Modest confidence, kindness & a great smile are sexy to me.
Have a sexy New Year!
Thanks Brad! That means a lot to me. You and everyone else who drop by and especially those who share a thought or two from time to time inspire me to keep doing what I do here. And I thank you for that.
I really like the way you worded that: “Modest confidence.” If you don’t mind, I’m going to steal that phrase. 🙂 The more I think about it, the more I fall in love with it!
I’m a little obsessed with smiles myself. I love smiling at others and love getting smiled at. It just feels good. One of the things that initially attracted me so much to my wife is her amazing smile. It’s so heart-felt and is, quite frankly, stunningly beautiful.
Thanks for sharing, Brad.
And thanks for the wishes for a sexy New Year. You too — but not TOO sexy! 🙂
Ken,
I love this post! Very engaging and so true. When someone is self-confident, optimistic, enthusiastic, and fun there really is sexiness about them. Emotions and personality is the true nature of who someone is and are is what ultimately is attractive. I also feel that a kind and caring heart is attractive and a strong character show a lot about someone’s true nature. No matter how attractive on the outside, with these traits it leaves much to be desired.
Joe recently posted … How to Have Your Most Productive Year Ever
Hey there Joe! Thanks!
You added a couple great qualities to our list of sexy-enhancing characteristics. I like optimistic and a strong character especially. Negative pessimists are such downers, especially vocal ones. But upbeat optimists add a shot of energy to the atmosphere of any gathering. And a person of character is a source of inspiration. All very sexy traits to have.
I think the easiest way to see the obviousness of how attractive a trait is, is to imagine a person without that trait, or with its opposite. So I can’t agree with you more when you say the outside attractiveness leaves much to be desired when they lack the qualities you point out.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, Joe. Much appreciated!
Hi Ken,
Great concept linking happiness and sexiness.
I like your first point about confidence. In many ways, this one point is the sum of all that your have mentioned. We develop confidence when we are sure of ourselves, our purpose and our traits. When we are sure, we can give and show love. When we reach out, I think people see this confidence and sexiness in you. Then things turn one full circel again that reinforces confidence once more.
I like the element of fun as well. I think happy and sexy people knows what fun is and how to seek it out. Who does not like to be associated with a fun loving person?
Jimmy recently posted … Beginners Guide to NLP – Part 5 (Chunking as a NLP Strategy)
Hi Jimmy,
Great point about the relationship between confidence and the other sexy characteristics mentioned. And you’re right on when you say the effect of confidence leads to improved traits which then come back around and reinforce our confidence. It’s a positive cycle of positive reinforcement, for sure.
I agree with you about fun-loving people too. They’re fun-ness is infectious … and sexy! 🙂
Thanks for the comment, Jimmy! Love your insight.
Hi Ken,
Yes, happiness is sexy. I really like the turn you are making on sexy. Also when it comes to happiness and sexy it is not just the outside, but the inside too. Really sexy is from the inside out.
thanks again for the new twist on the word Sexy.
Happy new Year and blessing to you.
Debbie
Debbie recently posted … How to Take Charge of Your World in 2012!
Hi Debbie!
Awe, thanks! Happiness truly is sexy, right? We need a sexy revolution redefined by character and faith and decency and honesty and positiveness and kindness and generosity and optimism!
You’re right that sexy is mostly an internal condition than an external physical one. Thanks for that awesome perspective!
Have a wonderful evening and New Year, Debbie! And thanks for being such an awesome person, so filled with decency yourself.
Happy new year to you and your family, the sexiest dad and teacher on earth!
I think being considerate is sexy. Looking at people’s weaknesses and faults with understanding and compassion helps manage anger and moodiness. When we show a profound understanding to all human doings, we feel relieved and happy.
Lilian recently posted … 6 Obsessions that Will Make you a Better Person in 2012
Hi Lilian!
Wow! On earth? I was hoping for the sexiest teacher in my classroom, or maybe even in my neighborhood (at least I’m not aware of any other teachers who live nearby!). But wow! What a compliment. Thank you so much!
I love polite people who are considerate of others too. And compassion? Just doesn’t get much sexier than that! You make a great point about the emotional effects of compassion and understanding being extended to people who are feeling particularly moody. Meeting moodiness with compassion prevents the person from having to dump guilt on top of their already lousy mood. It also liberates them, allowing them to feel their emotional intensity and then more likely release it.
Thanks for the great insight Lilian. And welcome to Meant to be Happy! Hope to see you around again!
Happy New Year to you too!
I completely agree. You are more likely to attract others when you are happy than if you are sad. Happiness is a sign that things are going right in your life and that you are comfortable with yourself. In fact, it’s one of the qualities that I look for when I want to hang out with other people.
I think you’re right on the money by saying that happy people are giving and unhappy ones are self-obsessed. That’s something I’ve noticed too.
Steve recently posted … Why it is Important to Dream Big
Hi Steve! Great point about the signal happiness sends to others. When we walk around angry or chronically sad or irritable, it really is like walking around with a warning sign on our forehead. Happy people do attract others to them and those who are unhappy repel others. That’s the great conundrum. The people who need others most are those who make it difficult sometimes for others to reach out to them.
That’s where character traits like sympathy and compassion and love and kindness can reach over such obstacles and signals and help those struggling to cope with life.
Thanks so much for the comment, Steve!
It is very inspiring and after reading 15 Ways Happiness is Sexy
I am making the corrections to be happy.
That’s awesome, Millen.
That’s what life is all about, after all. My whole life has been about learning something new, gaining some insight, discovering a principle I hadn’t understood before and making adjustments to my thinking or belief system or behavior so that I stretch a bit and grow from the stretching.
Have fun learning and growing and being happier for it, Millen! And let us know how it’s going along the way!
Thanks for commenting. I really appreciate it.
So true! Happy people know who they are and their enthusiasm about life is contagious – and it’s sexy. In fact, if you look at it the opposite way there’s nothing less sexy than a guy or girl who is miserable.
I’ve always noticed that a smile can make someone look so much better. Anyone! Doesn’t matter who they are. When they smile the instantly look better. So happiness is just an extension or a multiplication of a smile.
Other things I think are sexy – kindness, confidence, and awareness.
Kari recently posted … Finding Answers: Where and How
Hi Kari!
Great point! Looking at the opposite of things is a powerful way to see the thing’s obviousness. And miserable people are certainly not sexy. But they can be if they overcome their misery. And that’s the other point I loved about your comment. ANYONE can be sexy by living in a way that makes them sexy. Smiling is one of those sexy-producing activities that is so much cheaper than lifting this and tucking that and flatting some other part.
Thank you so much for the insight, Kari.
Hey Ken,
Very sexy indeed. Sexiest way of putting things and making people happy. You are too good at it.
Thank you so much for sharing sexiness… :o)
Thanks Melody for directing me to your website.
God Bless,
Sameer
Hi Sameer! So good to meet a fellow sexiness connoisseur! So glad Melody connected us.
And thank you for your kind words (very sexy, indeed!) 🙂
So much of the world (ie, the media) gets caught up in a one-dimensional perception of beauty and sexiness that I just had to poke at the narrowness of the popular definition and stretch it out a bit. Some of those popularly considered sexy turn out to be entirely unsexy once their character is revealed. Character is just something no amount of airbrushing can cover up. But true sexiness can’t be brushed over either. There are people who shine and radiate sexiness by power of their love and decency, despite whether People Magazine would ever take notice of them.
Thanks again for your sexy words, Sameer, and welcome to M2bH!
Happy people attract happy people to them, so this is a compounded effect.
Jonathan recently posted … 6 Ways Being Courageous Helps You Look Hot
Couldn’t agree with you more, Jonathan! Happy attracts happy. Misery attracts misery. Negative attracts negative. And decency attracts other decent people to it. This is a law of attraction I can accept!
Thanks for the comment!
sexy people have that je ne sais quoi that french actresses like bridgette bardot had. it requires supreme self confidence and an almost eccentric sense of self worth that refuses to acknowledge its own mistakes. it is not rigid but neither is it so prostitutive that it forgets about itself in honor of a world that doesn’t give a damn frankly my dear.
Happiness is sexy because it makes life colorful, meaningful and fun, when we are surrounded with happy people, we feel energized and positive, we feel good. This is such a great read, I’ll be sharing this with my friends. Thanks so much.
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[…] 6. Reading makes you happier. A study by Alasdair Gleed, research director at DJD Research, concluded that “People who read books are significantly more likely to be happy and content with their life.” And while studies have been mixed, happy people are usually considered more attractive. Happiness often suggests confidence, good health and passion. […]