“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Great and noble ideas have led to great and noble lives doing great and noble things.
They have led to the creation of nations built upon the conviction that freedom is the heart and soul of good government.
They have led to the exploration and discovery of the inner workings of the human mind.
They have gone far to uncover the mysteries of life.
Ideas truly matter.
They also matter on a personal, human developmental level.
The following ideas are some of those that can elevate us and correct us and change us at the very core. They come to us from bloggers who are on the cutting edge of personal development. Some are warnings. Others inspire. All are worthy of our attention. I challenge us all to apply them.
“The greatest thing you can do for the world is to bring up your children to become loving, caring and responsible citizens.” ~ Arvind Devalia
It’s been said that no success can compensate for failure in the home. That’s because every home is the petri dish for untold generations of the yet unborn who will continue to be influenced over time in large and subtle ways by either the decency or indecency of their parents.
In every seed is a forest, it’s said. The same holds true of every birth. One good home can set into motion the habits and attitudes and familial culture that radiates decency out far beyond the current generation.
Multiple generations of even thousands, perhaps tens of thousands can be influenced by one family committing to raise their kids differently than they were raised.
“Addiction controls the brain sending the message that your survival depends on your drug of choice. Your talent, ambition, creativity and zest for life takes a back seat.” ~ Cathy Hull Taughinbauch
We’ve recently seen the likely effect of a long period of addiction on that very thing, needlessly ending a talent and a life far-too early.
But it’s important to keep in mind that the clinical addictions to everything from alcohol to heroine or gambling to porn are not the only kinds of things we can be addicted to.
3 Addictions to Avoid Like, well, Addictions!
Addiction to Anger: Some people’s first response to an uncomfortable situation is anger. That’s their drug of choice. The adrenaline, the confrontation, the power as others characteristically back down to maintain the peace. All such things can have an addictive quality, but it produces no happiness.
AAddiction to Negativity: Do you know someone who habitually sees the problem in every opportunity, the thorn on every rose, the sunburn in every ray of light? Some people almost seem hardwired to foresee disaster and grim and horrible fates. But life can’t be truly lived at its highest immersed in the dark liquid of doubt and critique and pessimism.
Addiction to Blame: There are people who seem to be frozen in the shape and attitude of a perpetual point, always looking outside, somewhere else, to point the finger of blame. Their motto is: “Not me!” Their national anthem is “I didn’t do it!” sung to the tune of a whine. And while they refuse to accept any responsibility, they will always look outside for answers to questions that only exist inside.
“Happiness is a D.I.Y. project. I just stopped to think of all the things that made me feel good, and I feel much better now.” ~ Vidya Sury
No one can “make” you happy or angry or “make” you much of anything, for that matter. They can enslave you and entrap you, destroy all you have and falsely accuse you of ugly charges.
But happiness is an internal condition you take into the rest of life. It is the internal weather you take into any environment.
So take responsibility for yourself and adjust the internal climate to the setting you desire no matter the external conditions.
This, of course, is easier said than done. But accepting the possibility of controlling your own internal state regardless of the external conditions is a good starting point.
“While anticipating the arrival of your goals is a wonderful way to create direction for your life, don’t fall into the trap of postponing self-love and happiness until the end of the journey.” ~ Zeenat Merchant-Syal
If we only love the part of life or the part of ourselves that meets some preconceived condition of success or accomplishment, then most of our lives will be unsatisfying. That’s because most of life is about reaching and becoming. It’s lived on the path toward, not at the summit of arrival.
So take joy in the journey. Enjoy the process. Don’t measure your worth by the place you are in relation to your goals. Instead, see the striving itself as part of the beauty of living. That way you’re happiness won’t be dependent upon arrival, delayed until completion. The path itself will be strewn with joy.
“Being happy is a choice. It’s actually a series of choices that we make all day every day.” ~ Paige Burke
Much of our lives are motivated by our pursuit of happiness. But whether we ever get very close to it for very long is determined by the paths we choose to walk.
Happiness is the result of many different and complimentary streams converging into one pool. Some of those streams include what we think about, our attitudes, our character, how we live our lives and treat others.
But ultimately, it is the pool made of daily choices.
We choose how to interact with life. We choose our values and how we will live. We decide what unhappy attitudes we will set on the shelves of our psyches and never do much about changing.
We therefore choose, in the end, the level of happiness we’re willing to work for.
“What Fear Does: It steals who we are, what we do and how we act.” ~ JT Clough
Fear is the concrete that cements us into inaction. It dissolves resolve and fertilizes passivity, timidity and indecisiveness.
We want to act but hesitate instead. We want to reach but withdraw. We think to try but look around to see if anyone is watching.
We hold back and retreat, we hide and redefine ourselves into the corners of life, into the shadows of our own personalities.
Instead, toss off fear, ignore it, starve it by neglect. Chase it into the background as you act and explore and take steps into the light of your own life.
“The most difficult step of any task or project is the first one” ~ Anastasiya Goers
Inertia is a difficult force to break. The amount of thrust it takes to get a rocket moving is much more than the power needed to keep it flying.
We worry we will choose wrong, step in the wrong direction, fall down and fail. And so we stay seated, forever thinking about the steps we could have taken had we ever decided to take them.
Don’t over-think every move. Just step. And eventually, you’ll be in the place you were stepping toward.
So take a step and share this post if you found value in it! 🙂
Please share your thoughts in the comments and send this message out into the world through Twitter, Google + and Facebook. It would mean a lot to me.
And if you haven’t yet subscribed to get free updates from the blog, a free e-Newsletter sent out twice monthly AND my free e-Book, A Walk Through Happiness, click any of the links to sign up!
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Wow. Great quotes! The idea that anger, negativity and blame are addictions is so huge. Most get hung up on alcohol, drugs and things that “loser” type people do! Not true. Anger, fear, talking about people probably stop way more people in our world.
Once again you’ve brought up points that REALLY help in meaning to be happy!
And mahalo for including me 🙂
Jt Clough | Big Island Dog recently posted … The Sand Castle
Thank you so much, JT! I’m not sure I would use the word “loser,” but certainly know what you mean. I do think we sometimes forget that these high intensity emotions can be just as addictive as the chemical dependencies and just as hard to break as well to many people. And I would tend to agree with you that they are likely responsible for more broken marriages and estranged parents than any chemical abuse out there.
Including your quote in the post was my pleasure; and thanks for the kind words. 🙂
The addiction quote and your commentary on it really struck me. I was relating to a friend the other day the story of an addiction evaluation I went through years ago. I was going with a friend to support her as she struggled with an alcohol problem. The counselor surprised me by asking me to take the same evaluation questionnaire as my friend, even though I had no addiction issues, in the usual sense of the phrase.
I was even more surprised when the counselor told me that it was a good thing I didn’t drink or use drugs because I have what she called an addictive personality. I had not thought about that in years until this recent conversation, and then lo and behold, here is the topic again in your post.
Since I don’t have problems with the classic sorts of addictions (I don’t say that with any pride, more like humble there-but-for-the-grace-of-God gratitude), I have tried to be sensitive to things in my life that might take on addictive like qualities. I think I went through a time of being a workaholic, for example.
I think I was also for a time “addicted” to seeing myself as a victim. I went through what in some ways resembled a 12 step sort of process. Admitting that my life was not working, needing help from a higher power, taking a personal inventory and making amends, etc. It changed my life.
Once again, a powerful, thought provoking post, with lights from many lamps.
Galen Pearl recently posted … Butterfly Time
That is so interesting, Galen. I wonder if I have an addictive personality. I can be a workaholic myself, if I’m not careful. I sometimes have to remind myself that I have a family that needs me too. I adore my family wildly, but I can be a bit compulsive about being productive. Hmmm…
I agree with you about the whole “but for the grace of God” caveat. It’s difficult to imagine what life would be like had I been born into different circumstances. Humility is an appropriate attitude to take with such things.
I’ve known many people who have gone through 12-step programs and all testify to the life-changing impact they had. So glad you had your version and stepped into a life that better serves you!
And thank you for the kind words. Always deeply appreciated! 🙂
Hi Ken,
What can I say?
What a truly powerful and brilliant post. I could literally feel your words and the words from the quotes of our great friends, tingling down my back. 🙂
As I was reading your words after Paige’s quote on happiness being a choice, it reminded me of something so simple, but indeed so empowering if we allow it to be – we can be happy now. We can be happy right this minute. I’m feeling happy as I write this comment! 🙂
Thank you to you Ken and thank you to our friends.
Hiten recently posted … Meditation session at Positive Provocations
Hey Hiten! You’re too kind! And I agree: There are some great people expressing important ideas in eloquent ways here. We can all use those little reminders, right? I’ve recently been working on a review of a Covey book called First Things First and have enjoyed going back and rereading all the parts I had underlined on my first read. It’s been good to remind myself of things I believe but had forgotten.
Paige’s quote is great. We DO have the power to choose happiness. And that happiness only grows as we make other decisions as well, decisions about character and what we fill our minds with and the like.
Always wonderful hearing from you Hiten. Take care, my friend!
PS: I’ll email you soon about your guest post here.
Hi Ken,
You make a great comment about believing in things but forgetting them.
It makes me wonder, how many great and empowering beliefs and understandings we have deep inside us, but have forgotten, because it’s been a long time since we brought them to the fore.
Thanks for letting me know about guest post on your blog! 🙂 I look forward to hearing from you, once you’re ready.
Take care Ken. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … Meditation session at Positive Provocations
Hi Hiten,
Well, for me, there’s probably a whole lot floating around somewhere in the catacombs of my mind, trapped in short-term memory purgatory! 🙂
Talk to you soon!
That’s really funny Ken! 🙂
Just when I thought Part I was awesome; here is part II that just gets better!
I loved the part about addictions. I felt addicted to anger for a long time; but then I realized that the more I held onto it, the more I moved backwards. The past will always be painful and it is better left there. One might need to get over and one might need mechanisms to help you do that; but anger is just a reaction, not a solution; so don’t give it so much importance.
There are so many issues that surround us; we just need to choose what is best for us and what is not and make that move.
Thanks for another wonderful post!
Hajra recently posted … Will they call you over for a Bloggers Party?
Aww, shucks, Hajra! 🙂
Thank you.
I bet if there was ever a world-wide study conducted, anger addictions would rank far above any other I can think of (perhaps with the exception of junk food addictions). So common, but so destructive too.
I LOVE this line of yours: “anger is just a reaction, not a solution.” So true and so perspective-changing too. It truly is just a reaction, one of many other options. Looked at that way, some may better be able to take those steps and learn those mechanisms necessary to get over that particular reaction. I think a lot of people partly define themselves by their anger. “I’m just that way.” But seeing it in the light you presented it can be a powerful way to change course. Awesome, Hajra!
Thanks for another wonderful comment! 🙂
I’d say Eleanor was more of a thinker than a people-person, some of us think this could be a problem.
While happiness is an inside job I’m not sure that cackling with delight in the face of tragedy is all that desirable. I think this piece of advice is popular because people don’t like entering into others’ tragedies.
I also think that happiness can occur spontaneously. Making it a choice can ruin it. Although sometimes we do need to choose our focus, distract ourselves for a time, and so on.
Evan recently posted … I Won’t be Around Much for a Couple of Days
Hey there, Evan
Eleanor very well may have been more of a thinker, but the quote is still a great statement. I think it’s true that lesser people spend a lot of their time talking about who did what with who. Gossip is a cancer. Those who spread it have lesser minds than those who talk about politics and world events and what’s happening with the economy and in the world of technology and sports and other events. That’s where the average person, the average mind, spends most of the day. But great minds spend a lot more time tossing around great ideas.
I think most everyone would certainly agree that cackling with delight in the face of tragedy is not only not recommended, it’s a bit on the psycho side. But the degree to which we feel punched in the solar plexus of life can be mitigated by the degree to which we accept the responsibility for our own happiness. Still, I think you’re right that people do have a hard time entering into other people’s tragedies. I think mostly because they just don’t know what to do or say.
I think perhaps when we talk of happiness, we sometimes mean different things. Some refer to happiness as the temporary or immediate good feelings we have from time to time. I love pizza and a good movie, so when eating pizza and watching a good movie, I feel happy.
But others (me) refer to happiness more as a state, an internal condition created by living and thinking in certain ways. This kind of happiness is a choice. It’s determined by the choices we make about what we will allow ourselves to dwell on, the kinds of thoughts we let dominate our thinking, the attitudes we have about ourselves, others and life, the character decisions we make in a daily basis. Such choices combine to create an internal atmosphere of happiness that we take into other situations, trials and challenges. In this case, happiness would very much be the result of daily, even moment-by-moment choices we make, many of them on auto-pilot, not necessarily conscious choices, but still subject to the power of choice.
Anyway, that’s my 2 or 3 cents on it! 🙂
Ken, once again, you rock! I love your interpretations of these awesome quotes by totally awesome people.
I completely agree with the additions to negativity. I grew up with it and took it on as my way of being for far too many years of my life. It took me a while to realize I was full of it and that it was the cause of so much of my unhappiness. And then one day I got it – the sky opened and the sun came shining through. Now I know that when the negative bug gets under my skin, I can stop and breathe and decide to be happy – and squash that bug!
I could go on about how perfect all of the quotes are – but that could be a whole other post.
Thanks so much for including me!
Paige Burkes | simple mindfulness recently posted … I Want To Change the World and I Want It Done Yesterday!
Hi Paige! Thank you sooooo much!!! I’m going to start adding that to my resume: “I rock!” 🙂
I was a pretty negative person in my teens too. I’m not sure, but I think that’s in the teen contract somewhere. 😉
My venture into positivity and optimism came more gradually. But I do remember two books I read at the time that stand out as being particularly influential at the time: “You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought” and “Learned Optimism.”
I like the idea of squashing the unhappiness or negativity bug! That’s an awesome image to come to mind next time I feel less-than-happy!
Have a happy-filled day, Paige!
I hang around your blog so often, I just realized I hadn’t subscribed to post. (I just did) I love reading posts via email. And then coming over to comment.
This post is such a treat. You have the knack of putting a wonderful perspective that resonates deep within the reader. I just loved that Eleanor Roosevelt quote you started the post with. I love each and every quote you’ve added thereafter – and especially Arvind’s – as it is quite like leaving a positive legacy for the future.
I know everyone knows it – but repeating a fact feels good. Ken, you rock!
Big hugs and thanks for including me in this post. I am grateful!
Vidya Sury recently posted … The Haiku Challenge 2012 – Day 21 – Dedication
Hi Vidya (Hi Ken!) I love your quote here. So simple to walk towards happiness, isn’t it? Or is it that we just look down at our feet and notice we are standing right in it!?
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted … What Is Real?
Thank you, Lori. What a wonderful comment – much appreciated. Full credit to Ken (the rocker), though!
Vidya Sury recently posted … The Haiku Challenge 2012 – Day 21 – Dedication
Haha! Actually, early on in my teens, I did have aspirations to become a rocker, a multimillionaire guitarist for a crazy successful rock band. But alas, I soon found out that talent was a prerequisite! :/
I did have friends who went that route and the youth and drugs and girls made for a very volatile and tempting set of circumstances that I thank God today was never my lot.
Hi Lori! I think it’s simple but difficult too. It’s a simple thing to understand. It’s not that complex. But for those overcoming abuse and depression and anxiety and other obstacles, it can be quite a hurtle to leap over.
I love looking down and discovering something that’s always been there. It makes things so easy! That’s often the way it is for me. But for some, it’s been buried deep below their feet by pasts that have done a pretty good job of hiding it from them.
But you’re still right. Ultimately, happiness is ONLY under our feet, the condition we create inside our hearts and minds and souls as we live our lives (under our feet) in a way that promotes a joyous life. In other words, while we can’t always control circumstances, we can learn to choose our reactions to those circumstances (very much an “under-the-feet” activity).
Awesome insight there, Lori!
I love it, Vidya! You’re welcome here any time! Please let me know if there are any kinks in the subscription process. I recently had to iron out a few wrinkles.
That is a great quote. There are just so many wonderful things being said out there, packed full of wisdom. They make posts like this one easy; I just have to hang a few words on their insightful comments and call it a day! So thank you for the quotables! 🙂
And thank you for the ego-boosting comments too, Vidya! You’re the rock star!
Hugs to you too!
Hi Ken,
Wonderful post and thank you for including my quote! Addiction can take many forms, some a bit unconventional.
I agree with the quote from Paige that being happy is a choice. We all do struggle whether it is addiction, loss of a job, divorce or any number of other things that can get in our way of being happy. What I have learned, I hope, is that we can be internally happy, deal with the crisis at hand and quickly return to our state of peace and serenity. Happiness, I feel comes from within. Thanks for sharing this inspirational post!
Cathy | Treatment Talk recently posted … Are You a Parent that Needs to Let Go of Denial and Enabling?
Hi Cathy! Thank you saying important things that allowed me to quote you! 🙂
I agree: Happiness is a condition with a thermostat that only we can operate. Others can stir things up, but we choose the setting of our responses, even if it’s the choice of allowing the default setting to remain unaltered. Life can beat and batter the house. But the thermostat is still the instrument that determines the temperature inside, no matter the conditions outside.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and the life-lesson you learned about happiness, Cathy. It’s truly appreciated!
Hi Ken,
Another great collection of wisdom from bloggers (this is a lot of work for you to collect these!!!) I love them all but this one caught me at the start ” no success can compensate for failure in the home.” So true Arvind! Children are our future. It’s disconcerting to see that the doctors you see are the same ones you saw partying at university, and that the politicians are younger than you (remember the younger kids when YOU were younger!) It doesn’t take long for the children we barely notice, but should give so much attention to, to become the leaders and the ones in charge. That’s a sobering thought.
Apart from raising your own family well, Arvind, what can be done to bring this message to the multitudes? (in addition to publishing it here Ken 😉
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted … What Is Real?
Hi Lori! Thanks for the kind words! The quote (actually misquoted by me — forgot one word. It should read: “No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”)
A sobering thought, indeed, Lori! They all grow up so fast too! And so many of them are not given a moment’s notice by all the busy adults in their lives. These are people who could have influenced them for good had they slowed down enough to notice a kid in the sidelines hoping to receive a little love acceptance and guidance in the crazy world of childhood.
You ask a great question: What can we do to get the message to the world? I think it does start one person at a time. Then get that word, that reminder to others. Eventually it becomes a movement. But often movements require so much more than a good idea. They usually require a crisis to ignite the flame that keeps people joining and advocating and getting things changed.
The next question is how to get a movement off the ground? Is there momentum? Or is there another way? I guess for me, it’s continuing to use my platform here to advocate making our families central to what we do and raising up children who become men and women we could admire.
I like what Gandhi said: “It’s easier to raise good men than to fix broken ones.” Hopefully we’re learning that lesson. I’m not always sure we are.
Wonderul ideas that matter Ken!
I see addiction to anger on an almost daily basis at work. Sometimes the only question I can muster is, “Is there a part of you that values expressing anger over repairing your relationship?”. We’re an addiction nation, sadly. Whether it’s hard addictions like cocaine, heroin, or tranquilizers or the more benign such as too much caffeine or TV-time, we need to realize that yes, happiness is a D.I.Y. project.
Thanks for sharing this insightful information. Happy to have happed upon your site :).
Linda Esposito recently posted … What Whitney Houston’s Death Can Teach Us About Parenting
Hi Linda,
I’m happy you happened upon my site too! Welcome!
You make an excellent point. There are so many different ways to medicate pain and distract ourselves from the sometimes difficult, but always more rewarding, art of truly living.
Some people, as you say, go to the hard addictions. Others are more subtle about either conscientiously or inadvertently letting life seep into the floorboards of life, one drip at a time. And while one is more obviously tragic, the other is a life lived as a compromise or as a sigh.
And so people drink their caffeinated pick-me-ups or watch strangers pretend to live life on TV or medicate themselves so they can sleep at night. There’s so much more to life. And that’s a tragedy as well, even if less obviously.
Thanks for the insight, here, Linda. So glad to meet you.
Hi Ken,
Indeed ideas truly matter, especially great and noble ones. All that we have and take for granted today is the result of great ideas. You have certainly assembled many great ideas that matter in this post. Here are the thoughts that crossed my mind as I read through them.
“The greatest thing you can do for the world is to bring up your children to become loving, caring and responsible citizens.”
Indeed we are responsible for the generations that come after us. Each choice and action that we make has a deeper and greater impact that we cannot imagine or foresee. It is therefore vital that we bring up our children well, as best as we can. For they will be the future leaders of the world.
But at the same time, we must also play our part to ensure that as far as we can, we clean up our own mess. It makes no sense to bring up our children well only to leave a mess behind for them to clear. For our children to be responsible, caring and loving citizens, we must first set a good example through our actions and create the conditions for them to flourish.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article!
Irving the Vizier
The Vizier recently posted … The Vizier on Being Tactful
Mr. Vizier!
I like your thoughts here, Irving. We need to bring up our children well. But we also need to prepare the world for their entrance into it and journey through it.
In other words, it’s not enough to unleash a new generation of loved, encouraged and moral kids if they are being tossed into a world that makes it overly difficult to be loving, encouraging, moral adults.
We do have a mess. And it does need cleaning. And we do have a part to play, for sure. We can’t abdicate our responsibilities and hoist them onto the next generation to clean up for us.
Hopefully, we will collectively take those steps and make some of the hard decisions and do what appropriately needs to be done to improve things FOR the next generation. And then flourishing will be made that much easier, and therefore, that much more likely.
Have a great day, Irving. Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
I love the way you dance with words. The line that reached out most to me in this post is “Take steps into the light of your own life.” I’ll take that line to heart and work on finding ways to follow the words daily, for a life in hiding not only can’t find happiness, but also can’t enhance other’s lives. Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your heart, and your love of words. – your Mom
Hi Mom! So wonderful to see you here! And thank you for your unbiased, absolutely objective compliment! But you see, I had to learn to dance with words since I could never quite get the dancing thing down with my two left feet! 🙂
True about a life hiding in the shadows will find happiness a fly-by-night stranger at best. And that, in turn, will keep us inward focused, searching for the missing parts, thereby limiting our ability to reach out to others. Such insight in that statement.
But please always know that your whole life has been a light that has guided all your kids down some pretty nice paths.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom, your heart and your love for me with me.
I love you, Mom!
Forever in your debt.
excellent post 😉
Thanks Marija! So glad you liked it.
Wonderful round up, Ken. You certainly have a knack for finding the gold out there in the blogosphere. Cathy writes compellingly about our natural tendency for addiction. Ive found It is also true that we can use it to our advantage and become ‘inspiringly addicted.’ We usually consider an addiction a harmful habit of action. But what if it were a helpful habit of action that would give you staying power in the face of great odds? What if the habit sharpened your sensitivity to life’s countless combinations of opportunities? What if it motivated you to express yourself in a positive fashion, with no inhibitions? This is what happens when you are inspiringly addicted.
rob white recently posted … The Purpose of Aging
Thanks Rob! There’s so much gold out there! The streets are paved with it! 🙂 But in truth, there is a bit of sifting that’s necessary. Lots of words floating around out there in cyberspace; not all of them are stars.
I LOVE your perspective on positive addictions! I totally agree, as long as they don;t take over other parts of life that need time and attention too. I’ve stepped over that line on far too many occasions. I wrote a couple posts on obsessions that can improve our lives and make us better people that follows that basic line of reasoning. Thanks for adding that to this discussion, Rob. Inspiringly addicted. I like it!