“The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom.” ~Arthur Schopenhauer
Want to know the plain hard truth about boredom?
Boredom says more about you than it does about the thing that bores you. (Tweet)
I know this because I’m never bored anymore. But that hasn’t always been the case.
When I was younger, my friends and I would frequently find ourselves bored out of our minds. At some point in the midst of our boredom, I would ask the most impotent of questions: “So, what do you guys want to do?”
I hoped for an inspired idea, one that would ignite the powder keg of fun, opening the floodgates of possibility … assuming, of course, we could do it for free, now, and preferably from the couch with the TV on.
But alas, my friends would invariably shrug and answer, “I dunno. What do you want to do?” I would shrug back and sink deeper into a mental slouch doing whatever boring thing we were doing at the boring time the boredom set in.
The Nature of Boredom
But here’s the thing: Boredom doesn’t “set in.” It doesn’t settle on us like dust in the attic or strike us like lightening or wash over us like so much rain in a thunder storm, soaking us in waves of ennui.
Boredom is the natural state of the passively uncurious, the unadventurous and indecisive. (Tweet)
Boredom is the predictable condition of the status quo, of those unwilling to get up and move, to take an interest in things around them, to awaken, learn, or get excited about the freshness of new ideas and undiscovered possibilities.
Boredom is the side effect of disinterest, not the condition of uninteresting things. (Tweet)
Boredom is the product of an inactive mind and a body used to lethargy. (Tweet)
Boredom is as Boredom Thinks
One person can watch a Discovery Channel program on space or volcanoes or the history of fruit salad and fall asleep bored out of his gourd while another watches the same program totally fascinated.
But if boredom naturally arose from the nature of the thing that bores you, the nature of the thing would bore anyone who interacted with it.
And yet, it doesn’t. Some people simply find everything interesting.
The Tyranny of Boredom
And yet boredom is not a victimless crime. It inflicts little wounds that add up to large gaping holes in people’s lives. It’s a crime of self-disrespect as we allow the moments of our lives to slip away unused, unclaimed and unvalued.
3 Ways Boredom Undermine Happiness
1. Boredom reveals a mind operating below potential, pulled to half-mast, removed from the microwave of life too soon. (Tweet)
Wasted potential is like a sailboat with the sail only pulled to half-mast. It’s the failure to recognize the tree in the seed or the possibility in the moment. It’s a crime of omission as a self-inflicted wound.
Boredom is the price paid for lost opportunity and delayed potential. (Tweet)
It’s the oil leek on life’s driveway when cars and lives are never put into gear and driven. Dreams remain unrealized or only half-pursued. Potential is squandered, possibility muted, happiness diluted and life eclipsed by a yawn. When we fail to reach higher and become something more than we currently are, we atrophy; and there is no happiness in an atrophied life.
2. Boredom is the slow drip of time leaking into the drain of irretrievability.
When it’s chronic, boredom saps the body of energy, the soul of will, the mind of creativity and the heart of passion. It’s a trap and a cancer and the act of self-immolation all wrapped into a single tired sigh.
When we squander the irretrievable moments, we devalue the life we were given and drain it of all the color and texture life was meant to have.
3. Boredom is, well, boring!
Boredom just doesn’t play very nicely with happiness. As a matter of fact, they can’t coexist at the same time in the same person. Boredom prevents happiness from fully ripening on the tree of life. The more of one necessarily dictates less of the other.
Besides, boring just doesn’t feel very good. It sticks to the skin and coats the soul in a gray numbing fog, leaving us with the nagging feeling that we’re wasting something truly precious and unrecoverable.
Afterthoughts
Have I convinced you that boredom is really a nightmare disguised as a nuisance? If so, be sure to check out 4 simple changes you can make to forever stop the slow drip of boredom.
Your Turn …
Please share this post with others and your thoughts in the comments below.
Wow that’s so true, it’s unbelievable. Yet it’s the joy of having the internet, and all these free things to access at our disposal. Seriously, boredom, is a sin. It’s important to get active. Negative people, or even those who are biullies, or gossips, or cruel in some way, are often bored, they need a way to make their lives interesting, because actually, their lives are very dull. It’s important, to get busy when your bored, i agree with this, because it’s so much wasted time, and it’s time you can never get back.
Time should be used effectively.
I love your blog, please check out mine, she needs some more company.
http://redebonyhotspot.blogspot.com
You’re so right! There is so much information and so many ideas and such an incredible online catalogue of resources for just about anything and any aspect of anything you may wish to do.
So to be bored is to volunteer for a bloodletting that leaks substance and joy and effectiveness and meaning into the gutters of apathy.
And thanks for your kind words about my blog. I’ll take a peek soon. Your blog is blocked on this computer, so I’ll need to get home before taking a look.
Hi Ken!
I can honestly say I don’t remember the last time I was bored! My children, too, never came to me saying they were bored and didn’t know what to do – EVER! I’m with you in that life is too precious to be squandered – and how can you be bored when there is so much to do, so many good books to read, endless possibilities of entertainment!
Right now I’m anything but bored as I redesign my TCP website! It’s a whole huge new learning curve both intimidating and invigorating! Learning something new might just be the greatest cure for boredom!
But I wonder, Ken; are people happy because they aren’t bored or are they not bored because they are happy in the first place?
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted … Have You Read Any Good Books Lately?
I had a sneaking suspicion you were not the type to be bored very often, Lori!
I love that your kids NEVER complained of boredom. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case when I was a kid, but very much is so now.
Today, for that matter, my problem is never boredom. It’s an effort to figure out how to get to the things I leave off the to-do list I wish I had time for. They are not my highest priorities, so usually get left off, but would be on the list had I the time.
Lori, you ask an insightful question (I love the way your mind works!). I think it’s a bit of both. Happy people are not bored as often as unhappy people because to be our happiest requires doing things happy people do. And so few are filled with much boredom. In other words, curiosity and taking interest on people and life in general is a characteristic of happiness. So more happiness = less boredom.
And yet boredom, I’m convinced, leads to more unhappiness as well. This is, in part, because of the characteristics of bored people. They more likely want others to entertain them than proactively taking interest in something themselves, for instance. Boredom simply feels bad. So more boredom = less happiness too.
As to which one is more responsible (happiness for less boredom or boredom for less happiness), it depends, perhaps, on the person in question and where they are coming from. What do you think? What came first: boredom or unhappiness? said the chicken to the egg. 😉
Exactly my question! Now that I think of it, I never applied the question of whether or not I was bored to myself as a child. We always lived in neighbourhoods filled with children – in the main part of my childhood we lived across the street from a small city park which had 75 children living in the homes around it! We played a lot in that park! I remember a game we played for hours in my pre-teen years – mixing food-colored water to make other colors (this one served me well!) and we would make up shows and put them on for the neighbours for a nickle or a dime’s admission and sell popcorn to boot! I guess we were never bored either!
🙂
Lori
P.S. I don’t know which one came first. By the time you have both it’s impossible to tell!
Lori Gosselin recently posted … Have You Read Any Good Books Lately?
75 children to play with, Lori? Wow! What a childhood dream! We had something closer to 3 or 4 in the immediate neighborhood and another 6 or so in a nearby neighborhood. Your childhood reminds me a little of the Little Rascals shows I used to watch where they put on shows for the neighborhood kids. Were adults around for the shows or was it just for the kids, by the kids, with the kids? Sounds so fun.
Perhaps in some of ways depression isn’t the opposite of happiness; it’s boredom. Maybe boredom is the natural condition of the absence of joy. So the more bored you are, the less happy you are. And the happier you are, by definition, the less boredom you experience.
Hmmm …
It was an amazing thing to move into this young neighbourhood! The parents in those days, in that neighbourhood didn’t work. I can still recall the sounds of different parents calling their children in for supper and some of our friends in the summer had to go in when the street lights went on! There were four kids in my own grade!!!
If boredom is a feeling of nothing to do = nothing to live for, it could e the opposite of happiness. I haven’t thought about it enough. But you and I should think about it, considering… 😉
Lori Gosselin recently posted … Do You Give Unsolicited Advice?
Haha! I remember the street lights rule! My dad was a stickler for keeping kids active with very little unproductive hang-out time (“Idle hands…”), so when I was pretty young, I had to go running when the street lights came on too (of course, only if dad was home!).
Boredom = discontent + directionlessness + purposelessness + passionlessness = unhappiness
PS: I finished my Life of a Blogger contribution a while ago—just haven’t gotten the photo yet (whenever I think to take the picture, I’m not at my desk. And whenever I’m at my desk, I forget to take the picture!). Soon though!
I believe that I have forgotten what boredom is, it has only removed itself from my psyche in the last seven years. Fill your life with meaningful things, make experiences that you really enjoy experiencing, enjoy life. It is really quite simple, but difficult for many to master. I believe that boredom often comes when people experience “quiet”. We are so used to noise and busy-ness that we forget that silence is the time to think, reflect and make our own choices about how we live in this life.
Cheryl recently posted … Spread the good
No boredom in 7 years is a pretty awesome way to live 7 years of life, Cheryl!
I like the idea of filling your life with meaningful things as a way to overcome boredom. The more meaning and purpose we have in life (not only by filling it with more meaningful things, but also by discovering more meaning in the things we already do), life becomes a much more passionate thing.
I agree with you that living without boredom is simple but not always very easy. The art of thought is a dying one, I fear. We rarely slow down long enough to truly spend the time required to think clearly and deeply.
Thanks for the reminder here, Cheryl.
“The art of thought…” you may have just inspired me (:
Cheryl recently posted … Live Simply
🙂
Boredom can also be due to a clash of competing desires. A kind of frustration without energy (because the lack of options? because of tiredness from trying and failing?)
Evan recently posted … Illness by Havi Carel
“A kind of frustration without energy.” I like that, Evan. That’s a good way to put it. I’m not sure we truly ever have a lack of options, though. We may not like the options we were born into or lived ourselves into, but the options are there (except, of course, in extreme cases).
As for the competing ideas, I’m always about dead center a confluence of competing ideas. But the fact that I have more than one makes life that more more interesting for me.
So maybe it’s less the competing ideas and more the reaction to them that frustrates some into boredom. I do think you nailed it with that “frustration without energy” line, though. The bored truly are frustrated and lethargic, which often keeps them stuck in the boredom because they lack the physical (mental or emotional) energy to get up off the couch and jump back in the game.
What do you think?
I think I should have said ‘because of a lack of perceived options’.
And that the competing desires need to be equally attractive – or they have drawbacks that make them equally unappealing I guess. Otherwise we just go with the dominant one – as we usually do.
I think we are pretty much in agreement.
Evan recently posted … How to Let Go
Agreed. Thanks for the insight, Evan. Always appreciate your thoughts here.
My mom always said “only boring people can be bored.” Interesting concept. I honestly can’t say I get bored…almost not possible. I have ADHD – there is ALWAYS something to interest me. 🙂 I am happy to see that my daughter has yet to discover boredom – she is always busy, always engaged, even when she’s quiet and resting, she is at peace with that and happy to just…be. A great skill to master so young.
Lisa recently posted … Dinner With An Old Friend
Haha! I guess that is one benefit to ADHD—chemically predisposed to a boredomless life! 🙂 I completely agree with this, Lisa: “even when she’s quiet and resting, she is at peace with that and happy to just…be. A great skill to master so young.”
I love being around people. AND I love being by myself. They serve two different loves of my life: people and contemplation. So like you said, being able to be by yourself and happy is a great skill to develop when we’re young. Too many find it very uncomfortable, even deeply lonely, being by themselves. You’re definitely doing something right, Lisa!
That is a comforting reassurance, Ken. Some days with a nearly five year old…it’s hard to tell. 🙂
Lisa recently posted … Things Boys Do That Girls Don’t Understand
Haha! I know what you mean. I have a nearly 7 year old. Nothing more needs be said! 😉
Interesting thoughts, Ken. Thanks. It’s funny how often boring people are also the ones who claim they are bored. The attitude of boring seems to attract boredom. Just goes to show that all change comes from within.
Hey Simon,
We human types sure do like to find someone or something outside ourselves to blame when things are not going well, don’t we! But that attitude guarantees we stay stuck where we are (whether that’s unhappy, unproductive or bored).
Like you said, all change starts within.
wonderful post, i have a problem with boredom these days
glad i came across your post today
farouk recently posted … Psychology of dog, cat and pet owners
Glad to have been there, Farouk. My next post is a part 2 to this one about developing certain qualities or attitudes that can dispel boredom forever (I’m convinced) and would love to know what you think of it.
What an inspirational and motivational sweet greeting to the spring with these useful thoughts! Thank you!
Christine recently posted … Urlaub am Gardasee
Thanks so much, Christine! So glad you found them inspiring.
Ken,
Early on my Mother taught my brother and I that there was no such thing as a boring day -only boring people. Should those words “I’m bored” ever cross our lips she immediately found a task to un-bore us. It didn’t take long for us to realize we could always find something of interest for ourselves. There is always something new to learn, try or explore.
Now we both have real curiosity about the world, a wide range of interests, hobbies and knowledge. And I seriously doubt anyone has ever used boring as a descriptive for either of us. Smart Mom.
I appreciate the reminder about what a gift learning to entertain myself really was. Thank you! Think I’ll call and thank her , too.
Your Mom sounds just like my dad! It’s funny how inventive we suddenly become when faced with parental “help.”
But it’s also so important for parents to help instil that in their children. What a frustrating thing I bet that was at the time (at least at first), but turned out to be such a blessing. There are scores of people who are surrounded with options and opportunities and still find themselves bored stiff.
PS: You made my day, Mary!!! I love that something I wrote here prompted you to call your Mom to thank her for the role she played in your happiness (finding joy entertaining yourself).
My daughter came up with my epitaph several years ago. My standard answer when she asks me if I’m bored is, “I’m never bored.” Which is true. So she blurted out one day that on my headstone they would write, “She was never bored.” I approved!
As for whether I’m just boring…. No doubt some would find me boring, but I hope that doesn’t turn up on my headstone!
Galen Pearl recently posted … Witness to a Random Act of Kindness
I love that, Galen! I wonder what will end up on my headstone. That hasn’t been a conversation we’ve had yet.
I always find it funny when my students find the exciting things I love so utterly boring. So yes, some may find what we do boring, but that’s just because they haven’t discovered the higher pleasures in life, right? 🙂
Oh man. My daughter is going through a phase where she is constantly telling me she is bored. I’ve told her only boring people are bored. 😉
Miss Britt recently posted … Are You Leaving a Trail You Can Be Proud Of?
Unfortunately, I remember those days all too well.
I might recommend a couple ideas. First, of course, is to be sure she’s not spending lots of time in front of the TV or otherwise frittering time away occupied, entertained, but not having to do anything herself to entertain herself. When we become too dependent on outside sources of entertainment that are orchestrated to draw viewers in and keep them tuned in, we lose our ability to get excited about less adrenaline inducing activities. There may be a period of withdrawal immediately following a new agenda of limited TV watching, but it will serve her well in the long run. Then replace TV with family activities. Take her to the park, the mountains (beach or lake), science discovery museums. Get her into dance or music lessons or sports. Provide her with experiences over gadgets and toys.
But if all that is not the problem, try these to replies to her “I’m bored” statement:
1. Simply ask her what she would do if she wasn’t bored. Perhaps that question can get her thinking in the right direction.
2. Do what Mary’s Mom did (see comment above): Whenever she says she’s bored, tell her, “OK. Come on. Let’s go do some gardening. Or cleaning. Or to wash my car.” It likely won’t take long before she starts thinking of her own solutions to her boredom problem.
PS: I’ll have 4 ways to obliterate boredom in my next post (Sunday night/Monday morning). You might think of some interesting ways to get your daughter to incorporate the 4 principles I share then.
I ran across this quote by Saul Bellow the other day, and as I read your post, it came back to me; I thought it would be appropriate to share.
I believe it was taken from his book “The Adventures of Augie March.”
“Boredom is the conviction that you can’t change … the shriek of unused capacities.”
The Bellow’s quote, it seems to me, is a wonderful summarization on “the tyranny of boredom;” not to mention a great visual. It’s easy for me to imagine the sound of a soul ‘shrieking’ as an ‘irretrievable moment is squandered.’
Like you, boredom just does not exist for me anymore, and anyway, according to the comic Louis CK:
“I’m bored’ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.”
“I’m bored” may be a useless thing to say, yet they are words that are too often uttered. So I’m looking forward to your post next week on the 4 simple changes.
Loved reading your comment, Tom. I think we’re kindred spirits here. I’m so often taken aback by high school students who tell me their weekend or vacation was boring. I want to scream at them, “Then do something NOT boring!”
We have absolute control over our boredom. So to the degree we’re bored, to that degree, our souls shriek (loved that quote) and another “irretrievable moment is squandered” (very nicely said).
Yep, proclaiming boredom does nothing to eliminate it and lots to establish our passive and helpless role in the face of it. So not only is it useless, it’s destructive as it cements us in that “come save me from my boredom” victim mentality.
Awesome comment, Tom. I really enjoyed reading your insight here. Look forward to hearing from you in Sunday/Monday’s Part II post on the topic!
Thank you Ken…and yes, I do believe we are kindred spirits and I base that on the quality, passion and content of your “work.”
I agree with you when you say “we have absolute control over our boredom.”
We always have a choice, even though at times we may not be conscious of it or it may not feel like we do.
We can choose to allow boredom to seep into our soul or choose to move in a different direction, just like we can choose happiness in any moment we become conscious that we are not happy.
Often, however, out of habit our unconsciousness, we abdicate that power of choice and reaction blaming it on circumstances.
When that happens we find ourselves, as you eloquently put it, “in that “come save me from my boredom” victim mentality.”
I look forward to Part II.
I like the point you make about the power of choice as it relates to things like boredom and happiness, that the power to choose remains even if we unconsciously abdicate the power of choice to circumstances outside, out there.
No one can make the necessary changes to rid ourselves of the plague of boredom until we accept the notion that the power to choose something else rests squarely within our control. An important point to bring into the discussion, Tom.
PS: Part II is up. Looking forward to your thoughts.
There is always something to do. Read a book, watch TV, do the gardening, was dishes, clean the car, pray, whatever. No one should ever succumb to boredom.
Neil Butterfield recently posted … Detox – Don’t Starve
Hey Neil!
A book, TV, gardening, dishes, cleaning the car, praying? How BORING! 😉 Isn’t it fascinating how people can approach the exact same task and one find it engaging and meaningful and the other is bored out of his gourd? (I speak to this in my part 2 follow-up post on boredom). I’m guessing when you clean or wash or read, you are there in the moment, experiencing the washing or finding meaning in the activity instead of longing to no longer be washing, right? Do the degree my assumption is correct, it only highlights the reality that boredom is inside us, not in the thing that bores us.
Thanks for the comment, Neil. Much appreciated.
Absolutely Ken, I embrace all tasks as it makes them easier to do.
Neil Butterfield recently posted … Detox – Don’t Starve
It’s amazing how much a task experientially changes when we embrace it. The nature of the task doesn’t change, but how we experience it does dramatically.
[…] Are you Bored or just Boring? (the naked truth about boredom) […]
This was a great post. You are spot on that boredom is definitely a nightmare and it says more about us than boredom. It is rough when you are around people who don’t have a passion for adventure and learning.
Sebastian Aiden Daniels recently posted … Premature Ejaculation Can Destroy Emotional Intimacy
Ah, yes, you hit on a problem when people closest to you would rather sit around and watch TV all day and feel resentment when you don’t want to settle for that kind of life anymore. If it’s possible, the best thing is to mix things up a bit. Schedule time for loved ones who have no heart for adventure and learning and arrange to have solo time to pursue those thing on your own time.
An important point, Sebastian. Thanks for making it!