I was thinking the other day about the man I hope my son will one day be. I was imagining him with the qualities I hope he acquires.
And then I wondered if I was adequately teaching him the traits I envisioned him having. A sense of urgency to be sure the lessons are taught while I’m still here to teach them swept over me.
This is the result …
31 Principles of Life
1. Life doesn’t dictate your attitude. But your attitude dictates how you’ll experience life. Changing your attitude will always be the shortest and most permanent route to changing your life.
2. Love and forgive. The degree to which you are able to truly love as an expression of your character, not merely as a feeling, the more you will be willing to forgive. The more you are able to forgive, the more you will be free to love. They go hand-in-hand.
3. You won’t want to go through life tied to your own history, to the mistakes you’ve made, the former people you’ve associated with, the problems of the past. So don’t hold others to theirs.
4. Learn to laugh at your own mistakes, mishaps, imperfections and ego. Everyone else is anyway. And you will eventually. So why not do it preemptively in real time?
5. Invest regularly in your own human capital, in the development of your ability and talents, in your knowledge and education. Learn every day. Don’t rely exclusively on formal modes of education. Learn on your own. Get excited about it. Read. Study. Challenge yourself. Develop. Improve. There will be no investment that pays greater dividends. Remember, opportunity is a byproduct of ability and ability is the residue of knowledge put to action. So skimping on knowledge circumscribes opportunity.
6. Control your thoughts. They are pregnant with the rest of your life. (<– Tweet this)
7. Be loyal to your friends. Be deeply loyal to your family. Be fiercely loyal to truth.
8. You are an amazing creation of a God who knows and loves you. You can therefore rise to any height you’re willing to climb. You have the potential inside right now, as you are, for something so much more than most people settle for. So don’t settle. The greatest views in life are from on top the highest mountains. The highest mountains are those that are climbed the least often by the fewest people. Climb the highest mountains. Even if you don’t reach the summit, the view from halfway up is better than from the bottom of the mountain you never started climbing.
9. Be sure people always come before things. Never let your family be the sacrificial lamb you place at the altar of other pursuits.
10. Happiness is the natural consequence of living your life consistent with the universal principles upon which a happy life is predicated. While there certainly is subjectivity in happiness, there are objective conditions that must be present in the happy life at its highest form. Discover those universal principles of happiness, work at consistently living by them, and enjoy reaping some pretty amazing results.
11. Always be true to yourself so you never feel the need to be false to anyone else. (<– Tweet this)
12. The mind is sacred ground, so treat it that way. Take only worthy things into it. Reject that which corrodes and corrupts and demeans and dirties. Treat your mind like a sponge that never releases its liquid, whose very fibers are stained with the color of its thoughts. The mind will absorb whatever you feed it; It will retain the filth as much as the noble. So fill it with those ideas, thoughts and images you would want to have reflected in the mirror of your life. Because over time, it will be.
13. Cultivate wisdom, lead with compassion, learn with humility, act with courage.
14. Seek to love more than be loved and you will be loved much more than if you seek it directly.
15. If you put God first, everything else will fit into the right place at the right time and in the right amount.
16. The greatest battles you will ever wage will be on the battleground of your own soul. We are dual-natured. We have noble impulses and ignoble ones. Feed the noble and starve the ignoble. That’s a battle you must win. Your happiness and self-respect rely on it.
17. Make the things that matter most in life the things that matter most in your life. Limit the time you spend spinning your wheels in the sand of the unimportant and trivial. And never let the important derail your pursuit of the most important.
18. Passion comes as much from how you approach the work in front of you as in the particular type of work that happens to be there. Cultivate passion for what you do. It transforms it into something you love doing.
19. Remember to regularly check the oil in your car, the batteries in your flashlight and the integrity in your character. (<– Tweet this)
20. The easiest way to love what you do is to do what you love. The second easiest way isn’t too bad either. It’s to get really good at doing it. Competence tends to breed passion. And passion makes work something less like work and more like fulfilling a life-mission. Not a bad way to go about making a living.
21. Never do in private what you wouldn’t want the public to find out about. And these days, they’re likely to find out anyway. Someone will likely Facebook it by the end of the day!
22. Live life like it was the only one you were going to get and like it mattered how you lived it.
23. Character is a much more accurate voice exclaiming who you are than popularity, personality or status. So let your moral character speak so loudly no one can hear the gossip spoken about you by lesser minds.
24. Do what matters most first. Then, if you run out of energy, time or means, you will at least have accomplished the things that matter most – which is more than most people will be able to say.
25. Procrastination is the best way to make bad things worse and good things bad. (<– Tweet this)
26. Beware the thistles of Pride and Selfishness. But never confuse them with the blossoms of Confidence and Self-respect. Root out the former and water the latter.
27. In relationships, two halves never make a whole. They only make two broken halves desperately clinging to each other in the vain hope that by virtue of the union, they become complete. Don’t look for an incomplete half to fix. Bottomless pits of need never make very reliable friends or spouses or parents. Look for a spouse who will make a great parent to your future kids. Date with that in mind. You will never marry someone you don’t date, so don’t date someone you would never marry.
28. You have a moral duty to discover the principles of happiness and work at applying them throughout your life. You will be a better spouse, a better parent, and closer friend a more neighborly neighbor, a kinder employer, and better employee and citizen for doing so.
29. If you can’t sing, sing anyway. If you can’t dance, dance anyway. Life is too short to be concerned with what other people think of your song and say about your dance.
30. Let patience be your first response, kindness be your first reply, courage be your default setting, faith be your first inclination, curiosity be your first question, perseverance be your longest answer, gratitude be your spontaneous condition and love be your first, final and only method.
31. And finally, my dear son, know that my heart will always be filled with you. I will be a part of the fabric of your life because my thoughts will have been taught, my example will have been seen and my love will have been felt your whole life. And while my words and example and love will have been flawed, they will have indicated a way of living, of thinking and believing, even if imperfectly, that I hope illuminates a path that entices you to the greatest adventure you will ever have.
YOUR TURN!
- What’s on your list of lessons you would want to teach your son or daughter?
- It would be awesome if you would share your thoughts in the comments below.
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Photo by me (me and my son last year)
I am wondering though … did you have Polonius in mind when you drafted this? You don’t have to worry a thing. Your son will grow up learning from your good example.
Haha! No I didn’t have Polonius in mind, Aleida (and admittedly, I had to look him up before replying), but I do love the Shakespearean admonition, “To thine own self be true.”
On another note, thank you so much for the confidence my example. I certainly do try and hope it is good! 🙂
Hi Ken,
This is a great list. You may remember that I sent you a picture a few months ago. The one of my son and I walking up that hill and I was reflecting on how there were very few feelings to beat climbing the mountain hand and hand with your son.
If I were to add anything to this already magnificent list it would be for my son to never stop asking questions. I think all children have a natural inquisitiveness – for some reason my son’s is particularly acute but it means he “learns to live and lives to learn.”
My father was a head teacher and he used that last phrase as his school motto. His school was a place where children learned to live and lived to learn. That phrase is now lodged in my head and it is something I want to pass on to my children.
The world is a big place with fascinating experiences and many wonderful things to see and discover. However, these things don’t fall in your lap. You have to go and find them.
If it is positive – then try and experience it at least once. I have just returned from a holiday with the family where I have spent a week engaging in all sorts of sports and activities with my two kids. Before we went I booked some activities that I thought they would enjoy but there was plenty of opportunity for them to pick some which took their interest.
By the end of the week my seven year old daughter had asked to go “tree trekking.” She has discovered a love of wall climbing (with ropes) and so we donned helmets and harnesses and off we went on a guided trek several meters up in the trees.
My son wanted to spend time with nature and building hides with the forestry.
I did not push them into any of this. This was their own sense of adventure, encouraged by me once they had decided on the activity themselves.
If I were to want to leave any guidance to my children I would want them to never be afraid to ask questions and to seek every positive experience they possibly could.
Keep up the good work Ken, this is a wonderful and uplifting site.
Best wishes
Yes, I remember the photo very clearly, Jon! It was touching, especially with your story that accompanied it.
Sometimes a child’s questions can start to drive us up the wall, but I will never stop him from asking. I want that curiosity in my son as well, Jon. Such an important characteristic to cultivate in children. I know people who get angry when asked questions. I feel sorry for their children. Such lights that glow in young hearts can be snuffed out by impatient parents who think more of their own comfort than their children’s development. I love that motto on your dad’s school: “learns to live and lives to learn.”
But I might be tempted to add one more line to it though, to read this way: “Learn to live and live to learn and then apply the knowledge wisely.”
I love your philosophy of trying positive things. As a teacher, we couldn’t afford all the newest things for our daughter (whose quite a bit older than my son) and provide her with great experiences, so we opted for the latter. SO she’s been to Spain and Germany and France and Australia and China with a group called People to People Student Ambassadors. Those experiences helped shape her.
So while she never had the most expensive clothes or latest updated gadget, she had piano lessons and guitar lessons, horseback riding lessons, dance and voice lessons, and joined a bunch of different sports teams. The point of all this of course, is that experiences are worth much more than things. They shape who are children become, a far more important thing than fashion and toys.
Sounds like you guys had a great vacation. And you sound like a terrific dad. Keep up the wonderful work of raising the kind of adults we want running the world. That is, after all, what we’re doing! Not to put any pressure on us parents, though. 🙂
I totally agree with Aleida. Your son is lucky he has a fantastic father.
That said, I’d add:
Love yourself
Don’t wait to say your “I love yous”
Don’t waste precious time over regrets and grudges
Be you. No one else is better qualified
Happiness is guaranteed to those who make the effort to be.
Every moment is a jewel. Cherish it.
Do your best. No matter what.
Practice compassion, kindness and gratitude.
Always believe you CAN.
Ken, that photograph is DUDE! I can see how you’ll teach your son the right way to steer through life, with the driving wheel in his capable hands.
Bless y’all!
Vidya Sury recently posted … Things That Matter
Thank you so much, Vidya. My boy is such a blast. He is soooo funny. I think I’m the lucky one in the relationship!
I LOVE your additions. I especially like the concept behind the idea of not waiting to say your “I love yous.” It’s such a simple phrase that holds so much meaning and goodness in it.
As for the photo being “DUDE!,” believe me when I say every ounce of DUDEness comes from my little man behind the wheel! 😉
Admirable Ken,
Us fathers need to put on our teachers caps…and keep them on. A few of those lessons wouldn’t go astray on many adults I know either. Thankyou for this
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted … A Path well travelled…and many worn out shoes
So right, David! In fact, whether we think we’re teaching or not, we always have our teaching caps on. It’s just that some of the lessons we teach when we think we aren’t, are not the lessons we’ll want our kids to have picked up!
And yes, I’m still working on some of the lessons myself! Always learning and always growing … and oh so far to go down that road!
I would add “Don’t sweat the small stuff.”
Ken, You have a gift — an amazing way with words. Thank you.
Best regards,
David
I love words and hope I use them well. Thanks for saying so. My head feels a little swollen, nut I think I’ll get used to it. 😉
“Don’t sweat the small stuff” is definitely worthy of being amended to my list, David. Thanks for adding it. We can get so up in arms over little insignificant issues, can’t we! And then families are split and neighbors become enemies and friendships end and tribes attack tribes and wars erupt.
first of all
i hope that you live for the longest period Ken!
your existence helps humans live better lives
all of the principles are great lessons but number 2 Love and forgive. was touching because i was just thinking about forgiveness few days ago
thank you:)
farouk recently posted … how men and women perceive attractiveness
That means a lot to me, Farouk. Thanks so much. And to have so huge a mega-site like yours and to have affected change in as many people as you must have has got to be an amazing feeling.
I think the single post I’ve gotten emailed about from readers more than any other was a guest post I wrote over at Steve Aitchison’s Change Your Thoughts. People struggle with it so much. I’ve found that for many people, forgiveness is very difficult. But it’s also fundamentally essential for a peaceful heart and clear mind and to experience happiness at a purely unadulterated level.
Great things. You can do it well because you are nice father.
I prepare for become father next time, I believe I have new lesson in my new part life.
Thank you
As has been said, I believe there is no success in life that can make up for failure in the home. It is the most basic of responsibilities. So to have the desire to prepare for the role of father (or mother) is a sign of a noble character. Thank you so much for sharing that here, Chu Nam!
Such a beautiful post! There must be a very special connection between father and son. I really like your point on putting God on the first place, the believe can give one a strong motivation and confidence in the whole life. Your son must feel proud about his father.
Elisabeth recently posted … Korszerű fogbeültetés implantáció mesterfokon
Welcome to Meant to be Happy, Elisabeth. And thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, my son and I have a very close bond. Some people put religion first and things can easily get out of proper alignment. But if we truly put God first, then our devotion to religion doesn’t detract from our devotion to family and career and other pursuits and values.
That’s how I see it anyway.
Thanks so much for dropping by and sharing your thoughts here, Elisabeth. I truly hope to see you around here again soon.
Man…your son is definitely in good hands. Thanks for sharing and hopefully you don’t mind if I steal this to use with my own boys. Awesome!
Steal away, Greg! So glad you found something here worth taking. 🙂 As for being in good hands, I’ve certainly made parenting an object of focused improvement. Thanks so much for the thought.
Ken, these are such great truths to share with your son. One of my biggest pieces of advice to my children is to learn how to understand and master money. Low financial intelligence leads to a lot of pain in society today.
Steve Borgman recently posted … Taunt Fate: How To Do A Development Plan
Hey Steve,
Great lesson to teach. Have you ever read, “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”? Great book to get a very clear picture of how rich and poor people look at, talk about and use money. The attitudes are totally different and so the practices are as well … and so the finances follow.
Thanks for the comment, Steve. Have an awesome weekend!
So far I’ve defered to something from one of Voltaire’s stories, “Zadig”. I’m trying to teach my daughter to be just and worthy of having friends.
She learns by how my wife and I live. Everything is a lesson.
“Everything is a lesson” — that’s wisdom spoken true and pure, Graham. If we approach parenting that way, we’ll be on track most of the time. Trying to teach our kids to be just and worthy of having friends — another great line. I’ve written elsewhere that the best way to raise good kids is to raise good parents. The more decent and honest we are, the more likely our kids will be decent and honest.
Great comment, Graham!
Great thoughts, Ken. And not only for your son, but mine too! “Control your thoughts. They are pregnant with the rest of your life” I love this one (I tweeted it). You’ll have to show me how to do this on my blog. It’s a great addition.
Anne recently posted … Confidence Quotes 3
Thanks Anne,
Thanks for Tweeting that line. Yeah, I kinda liked it too! 🙂
I’ll email you the link to create the links. I also watched a Youtube clip on it. I’ll try to find it again and email that to you too. The Youtube video helped because there is little-to-no instructions on the site you’ll be using to generate the Tweet links itself.
Talk to you soon!
Very inspiring to read your advices… these are great words for advice not just for children but also adults. Your son is lucky to have a father like you and I am sure he will grow to be a fine young men. We had few days away on holiday without our 9 months daughter and I was actually reflecting on … how will she grow, how will her personality develop and how I can help.your article is already a start
Most everything I write here and elsewhere on a personal development theme has a lot to do with what I’ve worked on or am working on or need to work on. So I know what you mean about the points resonating with adults as well.
So glad I could lend you a starting point as you consider to best raise your daughter to develop into the young woman you hope she becomes.
A lot of people parent from autopilot, parenting the way they were parented. So to be thinking about it at 9 months is a great sign of the parent you’re going to be to her.
And don’t forget to have loads of fun along the way, cherishing all the little moments!
Hi Ken,
What a beautiful post. You were including messages to tell your son. I have to admit, I truly felt you were talking directly with me. I’m sure other readers of this post are feeling the same.
I could really resonate with the point you made about competence breeding passion. I never thought of it in this way and the more I think about my experiences, I can really see the truth in it.
Hiten recently posted … How to say no to problems
I was talking to me as well, Hiten! 🙂 But thank so much for saying so.
I think about things like sports or artistic abilities and the like. The better I’ve gotten, the more I liked doing it. This probably isn’t always the case, but I suspect it usually is. Still, I can imagine getting real good at cleaning toilets and never fully falling in love with it. 😉
Take care, my friend. Always good to see you.
Hi Ken,
What an inspiring post! This is really a father-son heart talk. I will follow you and try to draw up some lessons for my son as well.
Thanks.
Taka
Taka Sande recently posted … It’s Just A Season Of Life!
I’m thrilled you found something of value here, Taka. I hope to live up to your expectations! It’s just so difficult to navigate the waters of life for our young ones (and so many detours that can be disastrous). So we parents have a tremendously important responsibility to teach our kids, to almost inundate them with life lessons in hopes that some of it sticks.
Of course, the best way to get our lessons to stick in their hearts is to live the lesson ourselves, exemplifying the way we hope they will go.
We’re engaged in the most important work there is, Taka … parenthood!
Hope you’re having fun with it!
I endorse all of these messages, and will teach them to my kids as well.
With the exception of rule #27: I agree that one shouldn’t jump into marriage at the first sight of opportunity, be picky, have your standards. Leave some room for playing and testing. You cannot know, even after a couple of dates whether the person is suitable to bring up your kids. And dating someone shouldn’t equal founding a family, but enjoying the other person first and foremost.
My lesson:
If you don’t accept the world as it is (rather than as it should be), you’ll never make your peace with it. However, if you always accept the world as it is, you’ll never make your own contribution by trying to change it. Learning to balance between the two is the key to a happy and fulfilled life.
Lucas Merdis recently posted … 7 Habits of Highly Effective Learners
Great lesson, Lucas! That balance can be tricky, but essential to work at it. If we don’t strike a decent balance between acceptance and working to improve it, we will live with too much despair, too much delusion or too much complacency.
Going out on dates is a great way to learn social skills, establish close friendships, pick up differences between men and women, and to start identifying what you like and don’t like in a relationship.
But the life-altering importance of marrying well can’t be overstated. So many people are stuck in bad relationships that produce more stress than love. So when I suggest not dating those you wouldn’t marry, I don’t mean to date with the goal of marrying that person, but that if it’s the quality of person you would never think of marrying, why continue dating?
Does that clarification change your mind on that point?
Either way, thanks for a thoughtful comment, Lucas. Truly appreciated.
Yes, I see your point. And I agree that one should know when to end a bad relationship, because it’s a huge time-waster and all those months or years cannot be reclaimed.
Lucas Merdis recently posted … 7 Habits of Highly Effective Learners
Thanks Lucas. I love it when I’m forced to clarify. I forget I have to actually put into writing what I’m thinking! 😉
[…] a thought that I have been having about my partner and growing son. In addition to all of the other things I hope for when I think about what I want for my son, I hope he someday is able to give to […]
This list is almost perfect. The only thing I would add is: Floss your teeth, dental work is expensive! Use birth control, because kids are expensive too.
[…] a thought that I have been having about my partner and growing son. In addition to all of the other things I hope for when I think about what I want for my son, I hope he someday is able to give to […]
Amazing and very interesting post it gives peoples lots of lessons how to take care of their children. So thanks for sharing this post.
Thank you!
A great read. Keep on. All the best to all sons and sons of sons etc.
Ken http://www.joycarkenya.com