“The Lord’s mercy often rides to the door of our heart upon the black horse of affliction.” ~Charles Haddon Spurgeon
It’s the season of gratitude. But what if life plain sucks right now?
The science of happiness has revealed that one of the easiest and most effective ways to grow your happiness, even when things are not going your way, is to grow your thankfulness.
Truly grateful people are the happiest amongst us. But what are the truly grateful thankful for? Well, for everything.
Deeply happy people are even thankful for the trials and tragedies they pass through.
I know a woman who recently shared her struggles with cancer. It hurt. It was scary. It changed her life. And then she finally overcame. She still hurts, but she’s healing. In a nutshell, here’s what she said:
“I’m grateful for having gone through the trial I went through. If I could change anything about the past, I would change NONE of it. I appreciate the love of my family, of my friends and others at church because of it. I have a deeper faith and more respect for my Savior because of it. The blessings that came out of my pain will forever be greater than the pain was even as I passed through it.”
Still, pain hurts. And most of us find it difficult, to say the least, to find gratitude in our hearts for the worst things in life. So how do we move our thoughts and attitudes toward gratitude, especially for our trials and tribulations?
Below are some thoughts I’ve had of late about the reason we should feel grateful even for those things no one in their right mind would be grateful for.
11 Reasons to be Grateful You Were Beat Up by Life
1. Challenges act as a mirror to our weakest parts.
We often go through life with blinders on. Not always because we refuse to see what is obvious or that we’re too lazy or fearful to look very deeply, but because we don’t know to look where we don’t know something has been neglected.
It is often only in our trials that we become aware that our courage or patience or faith could use some polish.
2. Challenges build character
Let’s be clear. Challenges in and of themselves do nothing. But they create circumstances where growth can occur in ways it can’t while sailing in smoother waters.
In such moments, when we choose to rise to the occasion, we become stronger, more determined, better in so many small and large ways. We become more deeply committed to a life of purpose and meaning and personal decency as we come to feel a broader connection to the shared experience of humanity.
(For my thoughts on those character traits essential to happiness, click here)
3. Challenges develop patience
Challenges often require that we suffer or endure over an extended period of time. When we emerge on the other side of the trial, little things like empty toilet paper rolls and toothpaste squeezed from the middle of the tube are finally recognized as being trite, inconsequential things, unworthy of much angst.
4. Challenges inspire compassion
As long as we don’t buckle under the weight of the pain and its longevity, when the pain does subside a bit, we find ourselves more inclined to feel compassion for other people going through their own rough spots.
We know of the pain, the difficulty, the loneliness, the feeling of being abandoned. So we are more likely to reach out to those similarly struggling.
5. Challenges soften our rougher edges
We are all works in progress. We are some combination of strengths and weaknesses, virtues and less-than-virtuous inclinations. Greed, selfishness and pride are often coconspirators planning their return just beyond the surface of our consciousness.
Through our trials and tribulations, our stint in the wilderness of our lives, if you will, we come face to face with our darker traits, do battle with them, and round off the rougher edges of our character in the process.
6. Challenges fine-tune perspective
Through challenge and difficulty, we learn to see life differently than before. Some people are jaded. Others embittered.
But still others develop the ability to see through others’ eyes, to pick up more wisdom and insight into the human condition.
The advice we can get from someone who has travelled through rough waters is often invaluable. They’ve seen what we haven’t seen, felt what we haven’t been forced to feel, experienced what we have been spared from experiencing.
The insights gathered from those relatively unique experiences can add wisdom to our own travels.
7. Challenges lead to greater confidence
Knowing that I can endure a very difficult challenge offers a degree of confidence that the next challenge can also be endured. I’ve been tested and passed (flying colors don’t even matter much at that point. I overcame. So I can overcome again).
We often don’t realize how much strength we have until challenged to use it. Once tested, we know.
8. Challenges make us rise to the ocassion
We often live life on automatic pilot. Going through the motions. Knee-jerk reactions to the monotony of sameness. Then life crumbles. We get hit and slapped and pushed into a corner.
Daily routines are thrown off. Circles of comfort twisted into painfully shaped dimensions. We are called on to do things we never imagined doing.
Each moment can therefore become infused with so much more meaning–or perhaps better, we become so much more aware of the inherent meaning each moment is imbued with.
And so life becomes something more purposefully and purposely lived.
9. Challenges improve our relationship with God
Challenges often push us to our knees. We are spent. We feel like there is nothing left and we turn everything over to God.
In those moments, we commune at a deeper level. Something more visceral and sincere comes out of us in our quiet moments of struggle with a Heavenly Father who calms and comforts and lifts us to the level of the challenge that confronts us.
We exercise more faith and trust and hope as we walk a lonely path that is in reality less lonely than we realize, as God walks with us, directing us, inspiring us, softening the burden or making us equal to it.
10. Challenges make us humble
When we feel like we are on top of the world, independent and self-sufficient and life clobbers us, we often fall a long way down a very high tower of self-importance.
That humility we experience often opens us to a whole slew of life lessons we were never open to learn before.
We become less arrogant and more willing to see others as our teachers–whether parents, children, waiters, janitors, or the president of a multi-billion dollar company.
11. Challenges make us happier
I know what you’re thinking right about now. OK, Ken, you pushed this one a little too far. But stop and think about it for a moment.
If our mouths always tasted like strawberry ice cream, for instance, there would be absolutely zero appreciation for the flavor of strawberry ice cream.
Who would run out to buy a double scoop of saliva-flavored ice cream? Gross, right?
But don’t you currently have a saliva-flavored mouth? Is your mouth gross right now? Probably not (and if it is, go see a dentist!).
My point is that we take what is most familiar for granted. If life was always bright and sunny, few people would have much appreciation for its sunniness. That would be the norm we naturally take for granted.
Challenges provide contrast to our happier times, elevating those times, adding to our appreciation and deeply felt gratitude for them.
So yes, our trials make us happier for having traveled a darker road to the sunshine lighting the clearing up ahead, just beyond the bend in the road.
Final Thoughts
Gratitude is a powerful trait. It softens trials, changes perspective, elevates attitudes, focuses attention, redirects negativity, empowers us to see more clearly, and expands, widens, lifts, ennobles and deepens the sense of meaning and purpose we discover in life.
Not only do our trials become classrooms that teach us life’s most profound lessons, they add joy and meaning to daily living.
So be grateful for all that filters down into your experiences during your sojourn on planet earth. Drop to your knees from time to time and thank God for the opportunities you have been afforded to learn at the feet of life’s challenges.
Our trials are, after all, among our greatest teachers, mentors and benefactors.
This article is so wonderful and I will be sharing it with my group. We are a Facebook group called “Attitude of Gratitude with Chronic Pain” and we are a no-complaining zone….so we are different from other chronic pain groups.
As you can see from my website, I’m also starting a website/blog focused on living a life in gratitude. For this entire year, I have taken on a big undertaking and jumped into what I call my “Gratitude Project.” I have been saying one thing that I’m grateful for every single day on Facebook. I write short essays about each thing and I can not repeat. Here’s a link to an article I wrote about it for “The Mighty”
https://themighty.com/2016/04/facebook-project-to-write-grateful-posts-every-day-to-fight-chronic-pain/
It has gotten very popular and I’ve been urged to write a book! That’s where the website comes in.
Anyway, your view on gratitude is so much in line with how I think and I am so blessed I came across it (and the rest of your site!) I know that the people in my chronic pain group will absolutely love it.
Thank you! So happy to connect!
Despite all of our trials and challenges in our lives, at the end of that, there’s always a rainbow and light. It gives us a new perspective , vision , and goals. It makes us stronger and firm. Be thankful always on the things that is happening in your life. Trials and challenges brings head trash but by facing it and being grateful to it will get you unstuck , overcome setbacks and fast-track your life.
Ken,
What is unique about M2BH is its authenticity. Every time I read your posts, it’s so refreshing. Not a single point feels fake, which, sadly, a lot of internet self-help advice nowadays is.
The points you’ve made about failures and obstacles are realities almost all of us can feel as we go through life. But most of us are probably not as conscious of the lessons and enrichment these obstacles bring to our lives.
Eventually I guess it boils down to the simple appreciation of the fact that all your days/months/years will NEVER be equally good. That’s just what being an adult means. And it’s OK to be down for a while as a result of your failures and obstacles.
It’s like being sick. There doesn’t exist a single person on this earth who’s never been sick. But when we fall sick we (usually) know it’s temporary. You’ll stay in bed for a few days – there’s no way around it. And that’s perfectly normal. It’s neither avoidable, nor the end of the world.
We need to take the same approach towards failures and obstacles in life.
Thanks for another great, meaningful post.
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We all know that no one is perfect in this world. All of us encountered challenges, we make some trials so that we can figure out what is the right thing to do. But sometimes it is so difficult to us to make a decisions for our self on how we face it.
A wonderful article. Challenges are what make us who we are. Without them we would stagnate and never reach our true potential
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There was a time in my life when i could not understand the power of gratitude in soothing the pains and hardships of life.I had not much of a happy childhood and had difficulty in forgiving my parents for that but once i learnt and had feelings of gratitude towards them i felt its full potential.
Gratitude is no doubt a powerful tool to experience happiness in life.Just meditate on feelings of Gratitude towards someone who did something good for you and you will realise what i mean.
its a wonderful blog their are many trials and challenges in life and we facing it by mane efforts.if we failed again and again than we find many ways that are not successful in life and we try to do our best. see my website, my website also on meaning of life.http://ow.ly/CO4a308N5Uk
Thank you for your article. I found this useful.
—
Claudia Prana,Seattle Career Coach
Oh good. How?
Wow! What a great way to help us see the silver lining in the clouds of life! Thanks for posting this. I am encouraged!
Life is exceptionally challenging and we cannot really escape the varied difficulties that crop up from time to time. Well, this write-up is extremely helpful for it provides definite reasons that effectually substantiate the importance of facing problems. Starting from making us aware of our weaknesses to building character, developing patience, inspiring compassion, and improving relationships- the list of advantages simply does not seem to end.
Yep, the journey of life is full of challenges that cannot be avoided. However, this article is a great resource as it provides clear and compelling reasons that underscore the importance of confronting problems. From recognizing our vulnerabilities to building resilience, cultivating patience, fostering empathy, and strengthening relationships, the benefits of facing difficulties seem endless.
This a great post about the reasons to be grateful for Life’s Trial and there are some important reasons I have found so thank you for sharing this post.
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maybe you need to conceder #2 in your list and use a better chose of words in your introduction
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Craig. But I would love to know what words exactly you think were poorly chosen or showed a lack of character. I just reread my intro and seem to have some blinders on because I don’t see it. Love for some clarification, Craig. Look forward to hearing back from you.
This is absolutely car salesmanship!! The mental gymnastics you are pulling here is laughable!
Thanks for sharing your opinion, Damon. And glad I could give you something in life to laugh about. The studies about the benefits of gratitude are becoming almost endless. Just look up Harvard or Berkley or UCLA study on gratitude in your favorite browser to see what I mean. We simply know the benefits of daily counting our blessings. So the question can’t seriously be about the benefits of gratitude. It sounds like you’re finding it difficult to accept the idea that people can look beyond their immediate experience at the possibility of beneficial outcomes from the challenges we face in life. Or maybe it’s just that no one could feel grateful for something that doesn’t feel good. Not exactly sure why you think that, but let me just share one study that was conducted some time ago. I don’t remember the details, but I’ll let you search for it if you question its validity.
So very successful people who had dealt with learning disabilities were interviewed. They were asked about the challenges they faced in school with their disability. They spoke of feeling dumb and getting teased. Some were bullied and others suffered from self-doubt and insecurities and had inferiority complexes. They were then asked if they could push a magic button or take a magic pill that would remove all they experienced associated with their disability, would they? Every single participant in the study said they would. Then they were asked to describe how their disability had influenced who they became. They spoke of compassion and hard work and determination. They spoke of having to learn to overcome and work through hard things, harder than most had to work through. They learned tenacity and grit, bit also kindness and empathy. They were then asked if by taking the pill or pushing the button, ridding themselves of the difficulties of the past, but they would also therefore lose those qualities their challenges created in them, would they still do it. Not a single participant said they would still rid themselves of the pain of the past.
My contention is that we don’t have to wait for years to go by to learn to identify the blessings that come from trials. And if we can recognize them as we go through them, why can’t we feel grateful for some of that difficulty when we know, perhaps fairly specifically, how we will be benefitted by those experiences?
I think you can. That’s all my post suggests.
To help and get helped without expectation is divine
Ken Wert, your insightful post beautifully captures the essence of gratitude in the face of life’s challenges. It’s a reminder that even in the midst of trials, there’s room for appreciation. Your perspective on how difficulties shape character, inspire compassion, and lead to growth is truly inspiring.