Note: This is a guest post by Stephen Martin. Check out his blog at Messy Quest. Then return and read this outstanding (and very funny!) post. Show him plenty of love in the comments and by sharing this article too! 🙂
A few months ago, the following dinner conversation unfolded in our dining room:
My 8-year-old son to my 5-year-old daughter: You just got tomato sauce on your shirt.
My 5-year-old daughter: Oops. That’s ok, though. Daddy will clean it in the laundry.
Visiting neighbor child: Your dad does the laundry?
In fact, I am The Chief Launderer in our house. My wife handles some things, too, like the cooking, the cleaning, the banking, the carpooling, running her own business and monitoring my toenails. But when it comes to Ragu stains, I’m the main man.
As I dumped yet another scoop of detergent into the washing machine recently, I philosophized a bit about how laundry gets a bad rap. It’s generally considered a chore that gets in the way of more exciting things, a hindrance to real productivity.
I beg to differ.
Much of what I’ve been able to accomplish over the past few years – being a father, writing a book, staying energized in my day job – came about largely because of what I learned from doing laundry.
In my rookie days, I adhered to “the laundry day” – that epic weekly undertaking where you crank out as many loads as possible, mostly because you’re out of underwear. Then you wait until another crisis of smelly socks arises before doing it again.
Similarly, I spent my 20s waiting for “the perfect moment” to get started on numerous writing projects.
The writing never went anywhere, despite the vast amounts of free time I had in those bachelor years. What did I do when I should have been writing? I don’t really remember. I seem to recall eating a lot of tortilla chips. And fretting about all the writing I wasn’t doing.
Scarcity of time, it turns out, was what I needed. And that’s what I got. First came marriage. Then a son. Then a daughter. Suddenly, I didn’t have any time even to think about writing, or not writing.
Meanwhile, the laundry baskets overflowed with burp-stained shirts and pants smeared with pureed green beans. And those were just my clothes. There were many days when the kids easily went through five or six outfits.
If I’d waited for my typical weekend laundry day, they’d have been running around naked in the yard. Although that wouldn’t have been a first in my neighborhood.
Gradually, three principles emerged for dealing with this problem. Following them not only allowed me to keep my kids clothed most of the time. They also nurtured a personal breakthrough, taking my writing career in new directions during the absolute busiest time of my life.
1. Every Little Bit Counts
Quickly, I became a believer in incremental progress. If I had five free minutes, I’d sort out one hamper. Maybe an hour or two later, I’d do the next one.
Instead of doing five loads in one day, I’d do one or two loads a night for three days straight. True, this meant I was constantly doing laundry. I could never stand back and say, “All right, that project is DONE!”
But guess what? You’re never really done with laundry – and a lot of other things in life. I began to write the same way. Instead of waiting for totally free afternoons, I’d see what I could do with 30 uninterrupted minutes, or an hour if I was lucky.
Each time I made a little progress and built a little more momentum. And to be honest, these increments worked well. I don’t have much of an attention span anyway. The year after my son’s first birthday, I wrote six essays and published half of them. My total number of published essays in the 10 years before that: zero.
2. 80 percent is Good Enough
Not everyone will agree with this principle, but I challenge you to an independent evaluation of your sanity level versus mine.
When it came to the laundry, sometimes mistakes were made. A Kleenex left in a jeans pocket made it into the dryer where it shredded into annoying little feathery white pieces that covered an entire load. Sometimes, I’d miss a key spot or two with the stain spray. Occasionally, something marked “DRY FLAT ONLY” ended up on the high heat cycle.
But most of the clothes turned out fine, and we didn’t often have to resort to diving into a dirty laundry basket to excavate the least nasty socks.
Similarly, my writing wasn’t perfect. I could have labored longer over a phrase here and there, waited until exactly the right image came to me, stepped back and thought about things from a totally new lens. But I’d been doing that for the previous 10 years with nothing to show for it.
3. Be Prepared
Alas, my supplies did not always keep up with my new-found approach to laundry. Many times, I sorted the clothes, started pitching a load into the washer – and realized I was out of detergent, bleach or whatever semi-government-approved cleaning chemical I needed to get the job done that day.
Gradually, I learned to think ahead, taking care to have all these resources on hand and also never to mix them for fear of blowing up the laundry room. It was a strategy that carried over to writing as well. Any time I got 15 minutes at the keyboard, I already had a sense of what to write. So the opportunity was never wasted for lack of ideas, if not bad writing.
I could attempt to apply these same principles to taking care of my yard, but I won’t. Other people can write that post – and they’re welcome to mow my grass as well. I encourage you to pick one area of your life where you’re struggling to make progress and try out this approach.
Results might not come immediately. But they will show eventually, as sure as those stacks of dirty socks continue to rise.
Stephen Martin is a speechwriter and journalist who blogs at www.messyquest.com. His first book The Messy Quest for Meaning, which explores how to find a calling and tap into potential, will be released by Sorin Books in May 2012.
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This wonderful post reminded me of a Jack Kornfield title — “After the Ecstasy, the Laundry.” I use your laundry approach sometimes to house cleaning. Today the bathroom, tomorrow the vacuuming, etc. I always love it when we can take something ordinary, like doing laundry, and turn it into something profound. Or at least productive. Adding humor is the icing on the cake! Great read. I’m going to go check out Stephen’s site right now.
Galen Pearl recently posted … Forgiveness Sometimes Just Happens
Thanks for the kind words, Galen. In fact, I just switched a load over to the dryer!
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
HI Galen!
I agree with you. I loved how Stephen used an mundane occurrence and made something meaningful out of it. And the humor was perfect!
I especially liked the 80% rule. It’s so true. There are times I want to go 100% (or as close to it as I can get), but most of the time, 80% would be good enough, especially to get one job done to free up time to get to other things that are more important, something I may want to try to hit something closer to 100%.
oh my goodness, i was actually laughing out loud, giggling so much, as i read this post. oh my goodness.
this is just wonderful, my kind of writing. love this sort, that makes you laugh and get a point through all at once. thank you for this, and this get a lot through. huh…
this is exactly what needs to be happening at my house…i think this’ll be the first time in history of a teenager ever doing laundry willingly. XD
definitely going out to see that blog of his RIGHT NOW.
Hi Allison — glad you enjoyed the post so much; thanks for reading! When I was a teenager, I couldn’t even boil water. For me, being able to do laundry at that age, willingly or not, would have been a huge accomplishment.
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Hi Allison,
Agreed! Stephen’s writing is compelling and funny! A teenager doing laundry voluntarily? Really? Wow! 🙂
I had the same reaction as you, Allison. Once read his submission, I went straight to his blog to check out his other work.
Hi Stephen and Ken,
This one was great, taken from the real basics of life. I do our laundry and agree with your strategy. A little each day works for me and I’m working on that with my writing as well. I love the 30-60 min. time increments with no internet and no interruptions. It is amazing what you can get done in that short amount of time. I will go and check out your site as well.
Cathy | Treatment Talk recently posted … Are You Willing to Stick It to What’s Holding Your Back?
Thanks, Kathy. I really am a big fan of getting things done in increments. Some of the reading I’ve done lately about human performance reports that people really aren’t geared to focus intensely on something for more than 60 to 90 minutes anyway. So by breaking things down into smaller chunks, we do ourselves a favor.
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Hi Cathy!
I’m the laundry-man in our home too. My wife is a stay-at-home mom (after over 20 years in corporate banking) and said just the other day she sometimes feels more like a stay-at-home-dish-washer. Some things just never relent. But oh the lessons to be learned in the ordinary as Stephen so eloquently points out!
Life really is all about increments. Few of us have all the time we need for everything we want/need to do. So we fit in what can be done when we can do it. The difference between those who get things done and those who stagnate in life, I suspect, is that some use those moments wisely to do things that matter to them. And some fill them with TV and web surfing and the like.
Yep Stephen,
I have been the ‘laundryman’ in my household for many a year…from diapers thru to adults, I’ve seen it all (well most of it anyway). It gives me ‘think time’…thanks for this
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted … Goals, Dreams, Longer term Visions…..why they are important
Thanks, David. Have been reading Johan Lehrer’s book “Imagine: How Creativity Works.” He explores how we often find solutions to complicated problems not when we’re trying deliberately to solve them, but when we’re doing something else that takes our mind off it, like laundry.
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Ours is a shared effort. My wife washes the dishes, while I wash the pots and pans. I do the laundry, but we both fold it during what we call a laundry movie date. After the folding is done, we snuggle on the couch to finish the movie and put the clothes away when it’s done.
It works for us.
Hi Stephen! (Hi Ken!)
I love how you draw a parallel between laundry and writing! Did you recognize this at the time or are you only now able to distill the lessons and see the patterns of your life? I love how we do everything the way we do everything else! Maybe it’s because we get our brain in a certain gear and it affects everything else. For instance, when I play Sudoku, a wonderful game of strategy, I find my strategic thinking spills over into other areas of my life.
Do you see yourself changing your methods and times of writing as the children grow and leave the nest?
Lori
Lori Gosselin recently posted … Your Reality – or Mine?
Hi Lori — good to hear from you, and good questions. I think I started applying laundry-like methods to my writing well before I consciously realized it. But I guess we all do a lot of things we don’t consciously recognize. I’ll be honest, I haven’t even thought about how my writing routine might change as the kids get older. I’m kind of excited to let that approach unfold on its own, just like it has over the past few years!
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Hi Lori! I feel sorta guilty not making it over to your house as often as I used to. I hardly comment anywhere these days. So much to do and so little time to do it all! But I promise to get over there soon. I miss all you guys who have made Life, for instance such a wonderful home-away-from-home!
For me, my best writing is in the morning before anyone else is awake. Still, I do try to get whatever time I can in. I do a significant amount of my editing on the stationary bike at the gym. Two birds with one stone!
Sury would totally agree with Stephen (So very Steve Martin -esque) on the incremental progress. Years ago, we would often have amicable arguments – nay – discussions about doing a little bit at a time – whenever there was time, that is. We were busy with a baby, work and frequent hospital visits for Mom. I would insist on staying up and finishing everything and going to bed and practically dying until I woke up the next morning. Funny. I am not really aware when I switched to Sury’s policy but it is working beautifully.
Stephen, you’re also right about using the time available instead of Waiting for Godot. Because that perfect time, the long stretch of writing hour after hour is never going to show up. 🙂 These days I just make a list – and allot them time – and choose whatever task I can complete in whatever time i have. Strangely, my time management has nicely sorted itself out in the process.
Now – I only have one question. A very profound one. Ken, you magician, HOW did you get a picture of Vidur’s socks for your blog post? Hmm? I can almost smell them all the way here 😀
Vidya Sury recently posted … Are You Ready To Say Yes To Change? (Giveaway Inside)
Well said, Vidya. It’s intriguing how our approaches can evolve without us realizing it. Sounds like you’re not quite sure when you started working more incrementally, and I can’t exactly pinpoint when it happened for me either. But it sounds like we’re both convinced it makes a big difference. Thanks for joining the conversation!
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Haha! Let’s just say that I have my ways. I have eyes everywhere! 🙂
Actually, I thought my mom must have dug up that photo!
OMG! I love this! I have to do laundry every morning (it’s part of my early morning routine) because my 8 yr. old son insists on wearing the same thing every day and I insist on him wearing clean clothes. With the rest of the family, it’s a full load every day.
I never thought about the analogy until reading this post. A couple weeks ago I gave myself a challenge to write a little each morning/day for 30 minutes or more instead of spending so much time and energy in my inbox. I’ve done fantabulously aweful with it!
After reading this I’m thinking, if I can get into the habit of doing laundry first thing every morning, why not write? And I have to agree with you on the 80% rule. I also have 2 and 5 year old daughters. With three little kids, thoughts of perfection flew out the door years ago!
Thanks for the kick in the pants that I needed!
Paige | simple mindfulness recently posted … If It’s Broken, Fix It – Right Now
Hi Paige — I know exactly what you’re saying! I’m lucky, I suppose, that my 8-year-old son deigns to wear 4 pairs of pants. But I still feel like I’m washing them constantly. Lately we couldn’t find one of them, which was a significant problem. Last night, as I was doing a couple loads, I discovered the lost pair buried in a laundry basket — felt like I’d just found gold!
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
It’s funny how some things are easy to put into routines (laundry, brushing teeth, shaving) and other things are more difficult (exercise, stretching, writing)!
But I think that’s key, Paige. To routinize the process will better ensure the results. That’s exactly what I need to do more consistently too. I’m editing an eBook that’s taking me forever to get through. The discipline of the routine would push me along much faster than my current pace.
My thoughts of perfection are probably laying in the gutter somewhere next to yours! My soon-to-be 6 year old son has made sure of that! 🙂
for some reason i’m reminded of the saying “hide your dirty laundry”. i don’t know why. i think why not let it hang out. it’s dirty only because people define it to be. when i was depressed, some friends told me to hide it and not telling anyone or my company. i didn’t understand why. it’s part of me. i decided to speak openly about it. and it has helped me heal
sorry might be a bit off topic, the laundry metaphor just set off brain waves 🙂
Noch Noch
Noch Noch | be me. be natural. recently posted … why “work-life” balance? advocating a 3.5 day weekend
You make a good point. I’m a fairly private person who used to keep all my emotional dirty laundry to myself — learning how to let it out with the right people was really important for my growth. Congratulations on your efforts to do the same!
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
I do the same all the time, Noch Noch! Throw out a thought and my mind goes off in all directions, only sometimes wandering back to the point being made by the person making it! 🙂
I think your decision to openly talk about your depression not only helped you, but likely helped others get over the fear of opening up and helped to normalize what is sometimes viewed as a societal/social no-no as well.
I totally agree with the 80% principle.In the past I was a big perfictionist.I always want everything to be exactly as I wish and this makes me waiting and waiting for the right moment.Guess what?The right perfect time have never come and I find myself hurrying at last to meet a deadline or completing an important task as much as I can.I now learned by the hard way that it is more importnt to get things done even it is less than 100% perfect.
Good for you, Khaled. Sounds like you’ve learned from hard experience — and that seems to be the only way to really embrace the 80 percent principle!
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Thanks for stopping by Khaled,
I totally agree with you about the 80% rule. I’ve also found for me that when I’m not prepared (Stephen’s Rule #3), then the 80% starts slipping to 75, then to 70% or less. Procrastination is the great thief of potential. And that lack of upfront work makes a whole lot more up-against-the-deadline shoddy work.
Thanks for the share, Khaled! I like what you said about the right perfect time never materializing. So true. The more we wait for it, the less we’ll do in life.
Love your principles! And just had to share that my husband is the main laundry go to at our house. He likes to do it every day. I’m a once a week kind of gal!! 🙂
Nice to meet you Stephen! Great guest post Ken!!
Betsy at Zen Mama recently posted … Just Say Yes! (Part 1)
That’s funny, Betsy — sounds like you and my wife and your husband and I have some key things in common!
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Thanks Betsy. I agree. Stephen’s article is certainly a gem. I lucked out when he sent it to me! Looks like a lot of us husbands are the laundry go-to guys. I tend to be the once-every-few-days type. It works (sorta!). I guess I’m still learning this principle.
This is really interesting and equally inspiring post by Stephen.
This post nicely summarises a really under-used technique ‘Start with something, you will automatically finish the rest’.
Life is like that. If one waits for perfect timing, perfect moment and perfect people, he will never get done anything.
What makes him successful/unsuccessful is his abilities to converts available opportunities into accomplishments.
Thanks Ken for brining Stpehen in and offering an enjoyable post 🙂
Naveen Kulkarni recently posted … Banish Your Belly With These Amazing Belly Fat Reduction Exercises
Naveen — many thanks for the kind words. Really like your phrase about converting available opportunities into accomplishments. Well said.
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Love your new photo sporting the hat, Naveen!
I’ve had some awesome up-and-comers send their work here as guest posts. It’s been my privilege to publish them.
I suspect so much human potential has been squandered by those who were too timid to take action, using the excuses that the timing isn’t just right or the right people haven’t come around or the perfect set of circumstances haven’t yet aligned themselves to begin.
Insightful comment, Naveen. Thanks so much for sharing it here!
Ken,
Hope you are doing great.
Thanks for the compliment about the photo 🙂
One of my friend was experimenting with his new DSLR camera and he asked me to give few poses. I felt the photo he took was little different and decided to use for gravatar image 🙂
Naveen Kulkarni recently posted … Eliminate Distractions With These Apps and Improve Your Focus
Good choice! It has character! 🙂
I haven’t given that a thought before but it seems that we have the same ideas. Especially on the part where you try to maximize the available time for you to write.
Carolina recently posted … learn to ballroom dance
Hi Carolina,
Time is such a scarce resource, isn’t it? Those who figure out how and exercise the will to use it well are those who do great things in life. It’s a lesson we can all no doubt learn and apply a bit better.
Thanks for reading, Carolina. As Ken notes here, we can always get better at using our time effectively. I still find myself tinkering every day with time management because circumstances are always changing.
Stephen Martin recently posted … The Wisdom of Dirty Socks: 3 Ways to Get Things Done
Hi Stephen,
I loved this post, my friend! 🙂
What wonderful and creative writing and with such important messages.
The key thing I’ve taken from your post is that some of the biggest lessons that will serve us well in life, can be learnt from the most simplest of activities.
I’m happily going to share this post with my networks. 🙂
Hiten recently posted … My message to the global education system
Always good to hear from you, Hiten. And delighted that you enjoyed this. Yes, you’re right — for a long time I didn’t understand that there’s a lot of meaning to be found in the ordinary. It’s just a matter of looking for it carefully!
Stephen Martin recently posted … 5 Ways to Break Out of a Rut
Thanks for sharing Stephen’s post, Hiten! It deserves the attention, for sure!
There is so much to learn from nature, from mechanical functions, from the upkeep of appliances, the tools in the garage and the medicines in the medicine cabinet. All of life has lessons to teach us. It’s people like Stephen who pay attention to those lessons who have both the opportunity to learn them and then to write such works of art as this post is.
Always good to see you, Hiten.
That’s really a big deal, I haven’t heard about any husband who did the laundry… you have to feel yourself very proud! And your wife has to feel very lucky as well…
Amy recently posted … Dental implants
Thanks for chiming in, Amy. You might be surprised — since this post was published, I’ve heard stories about a lot of guys who do the laundry. They must just be trying to keep a low profile publicly!
Stephen Martin recently posted … 5 Ways to Break Out of a Rut
Haha! If word got out, we just might lose our man-cards! Truth is, though, I once heard a religious leader counsel all husbands to get in the kitchen and start doing the dishes. There is great wisdom in that counsel. What makes certain work “women’s work”? I once came across a comic strip that showed a woman standing at a wishing well. She was wishing she was able to come home after a long day’s work and just sit down and put her feet up and not have to cook, do the dishes, laundry, wash the kids, etc. The next box showed the word, “Poof” in a puff of smoke. When the smoke cleared, she was a man. Funny, sad and true! Studies still show over and over again the work disparity between men and women at home. Men ought to be real men, get up off our fattening tushes and take more responsibility at home.
Very cute stuff. Thanks for the tips. I’m pretty self-motivated, but not about doing the laundry!
Thanks, Mollie. There’s some areas where I could use more motivation, too — like taking on the weeds that are overtaking my backyard.
Stephen Martin recently posted … 5 Ways to Break Out of a Rut
Stephen, I think your backyard and mine would get along just fine! 🙂
Hello Stephen and Ken,
This post is the ultimate in virtual reality. I found myself enjoying this a lot as I picture myself doing kind of similar scenario- writing and doing laundry. I say, kind of, because, I do multitasking almost everyday- cooking, laundry and cleaning- or a combination of other tasks in the household and my work at home business. As the kids grow old, and move out of the nest, another exciting phase will surely show its head.
Amy Turner recently posted … How to Build Business Credit
Hi Amy — I envy people who are good at multi-tasking. I’m not. I might be able to draw connections between laundry and writing, but actually trying to do more than one thing at once doesn’t often end well for me. Keep it up!
Stephen Martin recently posted … 5 Ways to Break Out of a Rut
Like Stephen, I don’t multitask very well. I’ve heard that research has demonstrated women’s brains are wired in a way that allows multitasking. If true, it might explain the difficulty us guy types generally have at it. Still, there is one place I’ve found multitasking works for me. It’s when I either listen to books on tape or work on editing my writing while I’m working out, usually on a stationary bike.